I have not written in awhile, mainly because this blog was usually used to summarize my dating adventures or my journey through singleness and I have just not had much to say about that recently. However, even though I have about 100 other things that need to be done today, the Lord has led me here and I felt compelled to hit the button in the top right corner labeled “Write.”

So here we are.

I am currently taking a GRAD school course on Gifted Education. One of the homework assignments was to watch an hour long YouTube video. When the professor spoke about this assignment he explained it was probably the most important assignment of the whole course. Others in the class chimed in that they have seen it before and agreed with the Professor’s statement. One of the other students in the class stated, “You will be crying at the end.”

Needless to say, this video was built up, that I decided to give up a Friday evening to watch it. I was not really giving much up honestly, just replacing an evening of scrolling through social media and doing weekend chores, so it was not a hard decision.

The YouTube video was titled “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. I quickly learned by Mr. Pausch’s introduction that he was dying of pancreatic cancer and was given a few more good months to live. He was a professor at Carnegie Mellon and it was September 2008 and this was going to be his last lecture. It was obvious that he was a well-respected man and the lecture hall was filled with, who I am assuming, distinguished guests.

I found myself very intrigued to know what a man who was knowingly dying would lecture about. My ears perked up a bit when he made a statement that said, “I actually had a death bed conversion.” He went on to joke that he just bought a Mac computer. The audience laughed. My heart hurt for him. I knew by that joke, what he meant. He was not a man interested in knowing God.

Throughout his lecture, I found myself agreeing with him many times. He told us that his lecture was about achieving your childhood dreams and helping others do the same. At the beginning of the lecture, Pausch shared his childhood dreams and then went through how achieving those dreams played out in his life. The lessons he learned a long the way, were important ones.

-When you hit a brick wall, it is there to see how badly you want something.

-There is good in all people, you just have to be patient enough to find it.

-Whatever you do in life, have fun while you are doing it.

-Don’t make things all about you. Help others.

I think there were more and I probably should have taken notes for when I go back to class, but it is all I can remember at this moment. Pausch did an excellent job of weaving in the lessons he learned along the way from others into a nicely well thought out lecture including props and a small video.

I knew there would be no mention of the Lord or spiritual things, other than another joke when he stated, “Since I am dying, many people actually ask me if I have thought about whether I am going to go to heaven or hell when I die. I just know that I have already served at least 6 of my years in hell from sharing an office with __________.” Fill in the blank with whatever his colleague’s name was at Carnegie Mellon.

Statements like those do not offend me because I am a Christ Follower. I am actually not easily offended at all by comments regarding faith or a lack of it. So it was not something I would turn off the TV for. I was still intrigued how he would close his lecture and wondered if my fellow classmate was correct in the idea that I would cry at the end.

I soon realized what she meant when she said that. He explained at the end, that even though he led us to believe that his lecture was actually about ” how to fulfill your childhood dreams, it was really disguised as “how to live your life.” And that this lecture was actually not for the audience (and the 11 million people that would watch it after his death on YouTube, although he would not have known that at the time), but it instead was for his children. And that is when he exited the stage.

At the ending of the video, I turned off my television and googled Randy Pausch. I found out his three children were all under the age of 7 at the time of his death, the following year in April of 2009.

I felt both sad and inspired. I took away many ideas from watching the lecture and I knew why the professor assigned this for us to watch. I am glad he did. I am glad I was able to watch it and learn from a man that was dying.

And then today I woke up still feeling sad. I began to pray, wondering where my feelings were coming from and what to do with them. And I thought back to Pausch’s lecture. I thought about his children and actually prayed that they find comfort when they go back and watch their father’s last lecture. I prayed that they follow the advice that was laid out before them. I think if they do, they will be able to have a good life despite experiencing the death of their father at such a young age. But even more so, I prayed that they know someone that loves them enough to tell them about Jesus. I prayed that someone in their life was brave enough in their faith to tell them what this life is really all about. And I prayed that when that message is shared with them, that they didn’t feel judged; that they didn’t feel that their father was being judged.

And then that is when I finally started to cry. I cried because I felt so very grateful to know the truth of who I am in Jesus Christ. I cried because I could not have asked for a better set of parents to show me what it looked like to love Jesus. But I also cried because I feel so sad that the enemy has turned this message into something where others feel condemned; where it is easier for people to believe the lies of this world rather than the truth of His Word. I feel sad because there are so many times that I shy away from telling other people how much Jesus loves them because I don’t want them to think I am judging their lifestyle or who they are as a person.

Jesus’ name should not bring about the feelings of judgement, but just the opposite.

And so, I had to set aside all of my other plans for today and write this. I fought it actually. For a good hour. All because of what I stated above. I did not want others to read this and think that I was judging a man that passed away ten years ago. I didn’t want others to think that I thought I was better than anyone else.

Instead, I thought about what I would speak on if I knew I was dying and I only had a few good months left to live. I have many learned lessons that I could share with others. I have been taught different pieces of advice that I could pass along. And all of those things would probably help people have a better life. But I wouldn’t choose to speak about those things. I would be too focused on eternity at this point. So I would want to spend my entire time, speaking about the only person that affects our eternity.

Jesus.

What about you?