Date eight was great and sticking to the rhyming theme, I am sorry this post is so late. I am really apologizing to my date for the lateness, because if I were on the other side, I would have been checking this blog every single day since our date last Sunday. So if he is anything like me, I am seriously sorry this has taken so long to write and secondly, I think that is adorable that you were checking.

My week has been crazy in my professional life and after some very long days, I would get home and ask myself why in the world do I think I have time to date?!

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Then again, people do, lots of people make time for that. I have so much on my plate right now, that at times I think about giving up these 30 dates, well 22 now. But then I realize I am doing something for me for a change. To be honest, I have felt a tad guilty going out on dates, knowing full well that I have assignments that have not been started, papers that have not been graded and lesson plans that could be greatly improved. But in the end, my conclusion is, that this is okay. It is okay that I am focusing on my personal life for once. I put that aside for the past 7 years of living here. The papers will eventually get graded, my assignments will eventually get turned in on the due date (not to say that I won’t pull my hair out for waiting until the last minute), and my desire to be a better teacher will always be there.

The reason that this guy knows about my blog is because I had a friend who asked me if I would be willing to go out with one of her friends. My first question was whether or not this guy knew about my 30 dates. It’s not like I would be dishonest, if I went out on a date with someone who didn’t know about my life goal, but for some reason, I feel more comfortable if they know. Maybe I will re-evaluate this for the future, but for right now, this is how I am doing things. She explained to me she had sent him a link to my blog. I gave her permission to pass along my phone number with the message that texting is way easier with my schedule. He texted a few days later.

His first text said, “My friend told me about the dating adventure you are taking on. I think it’s an awesome and brave thing you are doing. Would you be interested in making me one of your 30?” 🙂

That was cute, wasn’t it? He was already a winner in my book. The problem was my upcoming weekends were booked. I felt like a horrible person, “Ummm, sure you can be one of my 30, what does your schedule look like a month from now?” He seemed cool with it, which earned him the nickname Mr. Go With The Flow. That nickname seemed to fit him even more after our date.

Last Saturday, I already had plans with my best friend to attend a concert at the fair and I certainly wasn’t going to change that to fit a date in. Like I said, I have been having fun going out with these guys, but nothing could ever replace a night with my best friend. Even though, I am pretty much being myself on these dates, hanging out with my best friend is second nature to me. I do not have to think about what I say or do and things are just easy. Many times people ask me what I like to do for fun. And believe me that question is pretty common on first dates. The first answer I can think of is, “Anything with my best friend.” I know that is not the answer they are looking for, they want to know my hobbies, my interests and the way I spend my time. But that’s all I got. Anything with my best friend.

Sunday I had a date planned with an eharmony guy that had been set for a few weeks. However, his stipulation was that he wanted to facetime with me before meeting. I thought that was a little odd at first, but I was going to go through with it and had planned on doing so the weekend prior. However, that was the weekend of my three dates, and facetiming with someone else, just did not rank high on my to do list that weekend. So on Monday, I emailed him and asked him if he still wanted to go out on Sunday and that we could try to facetime sometime that week. He didn’t write back and so after getting a text from Mr. Go With the Flow, I wanted to make certain that I still had a date on Sunday, because if not, I wouldn’t have to wait until November to meet him. So a few days later, I emailed Mr. Facetime again.

“So I hate to bother you again about Sunday, but are you still wanting to go out that day? I know that it would be a bit of drive for you, so if you can’t make it Sunday, we can re-schedule. I just didn’t want to make other plans until I heard back from you because I already gave you my word I was free on the 12th and wanted to leave it open for you, if you still wanted to get together.”

His response: “You know I did give you my number, you could have texted me. We will see how facetime goes.”

That did it for me. I don’t know why, but I just did not like that response. What was with him and facetime?! I told him I would do it, but what was his purpose? Did he want to see if I was pretty “in person,” did he want to see if we “clicked,” or if I could hold a conversation?  I was already a bit worried about this one because he had two pictures in his profile where he didn’t have a shirt on. The captions were about him playing flag football and lifeguarding. But I am sure I could have re-wrote the captions to, “I want to make sure that you know I have a good body.”

How would you have responded? “Listen, I know you are a good-looking man with a good body and I was actually looking forward to meeting you, but until you learn how you come across in your emails and the fact that I don’t feel respected by you, it would be better for me to cancel our date.”

I didn’t say that.

I said this.

“Let’s just not worry about it anymore. I think I have changed my mind. I am truly sorry if I have wasted your time, please forgive me.”

Mr. Facetime was out and Mr. Go With The Flow was in. Well I had the problem of asking him first. I texted him and asked him if he was free on Sunday, trying my best to make sure it didn’t sound like he was just my backup plan. Because deep down, I was glad I didn’t have to wait until November to meet him. I am not sure how my text came across to him, but by the wording of his nickname, you could guess, that he seemed fine with it.

So date number 8 was official.

Throughout the next couple of days, we texted back and forth trying to figure out what we should do on our date. I could tell he was one of those guys that just liked to figure it out together, instead of planning the date himself. I suggested to meet at one of my favorite parks and then figure out dinner from there. However, when Sunday came, it was a bit cloudy and so I suggested we just go straight to dinner. He went with it, see how he got his nickname? He asked me where I wanted to eat and told me he preferred a more laid back setting as opposed to a fancy restaurant, but that he would be fine with fancy if that is what I wanted. I would never have chosen a “fancy” restaurant, not because I wouldn’t want to go there, but because if I am going to assume the guy wants to pay on the first date, I would never suggest a restaurant that is expensive. I typed out three choices, still a bit nervous about prices, and asked him to pick from those. He chose one and we were set.

I asked him if he wanted to meet there or if he wanted to pick me up. As stated in my post from date seven, I am fine with the guy picking me up, knowing I was set up with him by someone I know and trust. He told me he would pick me up and one of us set the time for 6.

When he arrived, I could tell from the beginning that he was comfortable and didn’t seem a bit nervous at all. Right away our conversation was easy and not forced and driving to the restaurant, I felt a calmness come over me. I wasn’t really nervous either, however, sometimes I can’t seem to turn off my inner dialogue and I am constantly trying to make sure my date is having fun. But with Mr. Go With The Flow, I wasn’t thinking about that. I wanted him to have fun, that is for sure, but I didn’t have to think about it, I just had to be. He somehow made that easy for me.

We talked a bit about my blog and he said he read about one of my dates when he first got the link, date number 4. However, he admitted to not reading any of the others, because he felt that was like “cheating on the test.” I thought that was cute. He wanted to be himself and not change who he was as a person, based on anything he might have read from my posts. He said he hadn’t even made up his mind about whether or not he would read the post from our date. Then a few seconds later, he said, “Who am I kidding, I will probably be hitting refresh every 5 minutes.” Not only was he honest, but he was funny. I found myself genuinely laughing – not just laughing to be nice – at some of the things he said throughout the night.

Our mutual friend had told me that he had a daughter and he asked me if I knew about her in a text prior to our date. So on our date, we talked about his daughter often because it was evident that she was his life. One of the things I loved is that I could tell that he wanted to be the best dad he could possibly be. He shared with me that about a year ago, he was re-awakened to his faith and he is  now in a process to learn what it means to truly live for Jesus and raise a young girl in a biblical way. He asked me about my upbringing and what events in my life allowed me to stay grounded in my faith. What wise questions from a dad who is really seeking how to raise his daughter to love Jesus. We had great conversations surrounding that. However, I must admit at times, I wanted to be very careful that I wasn’t giving him “advice” on how to raise a child. Because I will be the first to admit, I have no idea, since I am not a parent myself. I just wanted to answer his question and tell him about how my parents raised me. I also explained that in the end, it doesn’t matter how you were “raised.” My mom told me over and over as I was growing up, that she could teach me the ways of Jesus until she was blue in the face, but if I wasn’t willing to accept that faith as my own, none of that mattered. Not sure if that was encouraging or discouraging for this awesome dad. I told him that the biggest factor for me was that I actually SAW examples of what it meant to truly live a life in love with Jesus. I saw it in my parents, I saw it my youth group leaders and I saw it in some of my friends.

When I think back on our date, we probably broke several “dating rules.” We didn’t really have a set plan about what we were going to do until the day of the date, he talked about his past relationship with his daughter’s mom, I talked about some of the other dates I had been on and I had to go to the bathroom twice from drinking so much water 🙂 None of that mattered to me. What mattered was, he was genuine, I was being honest, and we both seemed to be having a great time.

I loved seeing a grown man, newly embracing Jesus’ love and realizing that the ways of this world are meaningless. He made me feel special when he told me that it was rare to find women like me out there in the world. I don’t think I could have received a bigger compliment. I arrived home that night feeling inspired and encouraged and hoped he felt the same.

Later that night, he texted me and said “Thank you for tonight. I have never been on a date where I talked about the things we did. It was great.”

So to that – I say – dating rules should be thrown out the window.

He ended the text stating, “If you ever feel like you would like to go out again let me know.”

Perfect ending.

So Mr. Go With The Flow, sorry again to keep you waiting and sorry to actually use some of your texts as quotes. I just couldn’t help myself, they were too cute.

This weekend, my parents are in town, they have officially moved down by me. So I am focusing my weekend on them and will pick back up with three more dates next weekend.

22 dates and counting down. Until next weekend.

I think I might have mentioned before that up until this blog post, the dates that I go on do not know I am writing these posts. And unless for some reason, we have mutual facebook friends that I am unaware of, they have not seen the write up about the date I had with them. However, I have also stated that if for some reason, one day, they happened to stumble across this blog, that I would not be embarrassed to have them read what I have written. I want them to know how appreciative I am of them being on this journey with me. Each and every single one of them. I’ve had more fun going out on dates with these guys than ever before in the “dating world” – or lack there of – because the pressures that I usually built up within myself are non-existent. It has literally been a freeing experience.

One eharmony email communication towards the beginning, looked a little like this:

My first question to him: “Did you see in my profile that I would be going out on 30 dates, how do you feel about this?”

His answer: “I see the good that could come out of it as it can demonstrate to others that you can date in a healthy way. However, my question for you is this… how about if you meet your guy, the one you feel you’re going to marry on date 3? Of course, I would not want to be a part of an experiment, to be just a number. I think it’s better to give each date a chance, to see if something significant comes out of it. Personally for me, I’m not looking for the maximum number of dates, but am looking for significance. If that happens on date #1 or #30, that is irrelevant.”

There in lies the problem eharmony guy, if I go out on each date trying to find “the one” or what you would call “significance,” then I freak. myself. out. So I responded to him:

“If they were date number…say.. 10 and I really truly knew that I didn’t want to go out on any other dates without him, then I would ask him to take me out on 20 more dates to finish out my 30 🙂 However, it may take more than one date for me to know if I want to marry the guy or not. I think you and I might be on two separate pages though, and that is okay, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, so it is okay if you want to end our communication with this.”

His response: “Thank you for your frank and candid reply. It would be easy for you to just hit 30 dates, but you are actually putting in some work into these responses and it really shows. Thank you. There are several blogs all over the internet about how women write up and journal about their 30 or 50 dates. Their quest doesn’t really have a purpose except just to have fun and experiment. Yours sounds entirely different in that you want to demonstrate to others that you are not going to just settle for the first guy that shows you attention, many women should learn from this. Your approach is unconventional, but the heart behind it really shows. Therefore, I would really want to know more of this heart.”

Well, that wasn’t hard to convince him that what I am doing may not really be as crazy as it sounds. But wait, he said there were blogs all over the internet? So this isn’t an original blog idea? Bummer. Bubble busted.

So, I mean, I HAD to tell him that I AM in fact another one of those bloggers. He pretty much forced me to tell him. And after I told him that…”yeah, I mean, maybe I am doing a blog, but only because my friends ASKED me to”…he was actually okay with it and just asked that I don’t use his real name. But, he is from a city about 3 hours away, so I am not sure how this “date” will work and if it will actually ever come to fruition. So far no plans have been set with this one.

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Enough of that, on to date seven! Date seven was a bit different than my first six dates because we were set up through his grandmother. This has not been the first where I have had a grandma try to set me up with her grandson, mind you. But I consider it such an honor every single time, okay it’s only happened twice.  My “old 20s me,” would be very hesitant to say yes to set ups like this. I used to get very scared that if I didn’t “click” with the guy immediately after a first date, that I would offend whoever set us up. I know they say it wouldn’t matter either way and you might as well take the chance, but who can tell a grandma [or an aunt or a best friend] that their guy was just not my knight in shining armor? Previously when people I knew set me up, after the date, I would just be as vague as I possibly could about my feelings. Sometimes I actually had a great time and would want to go out with them again, but I just didn’t want to say that to our mutual person, because what if it got back to him that I loved him and wanted to marry him like tomorrow or something?!

These whole 30 dates thing has made it so easy to say yes. So yes, Grandma, I would love to go out with your grandson. Grandma and I attended a bible study together a few years back and we still keep in contact through facebook, hence the reason she knew about my new adventure. She had her grandson add me on facebook and he said he was willing to take me out. But now, here we are, the first guy that is willing to go out with me AND knows I blog about each date. In fact, he could have actually been reading each one all along! He didn’t tell me if he did or not. I almost asked, but I felt too badly to make him admit one way or another. I mean my thought is, how could you NOT read blog posts by a girl that you knew you were going to go out with in a few weeks time?! So I assumed he had read them. But then he asked me a few questions during the night, that I would have thought he would have known from reading my posts, so maybe he hadn’t read them? Or maybe, he was just striking up conversation, when he didn’t know what else to say. Who knows – the mystery of men.

Because Grandson was a connection through someone I actually knew in “real life”, I decided to actually give him my address when he told me he would pick me up for our date. I figured if he wasn’t safe, Grandma would have to live with that on her conscious for the rest of her life. I am kidding, because this woman is one of the best people that I know. She is sweet, kind, compassionate and so very loving. In fact, no matter who she meets, they walk away thinking that she loves them just as much as their own grandma. I have nothing but respect for this lady, so I was excited to meet her grandson and I trusted her completely. Plus it was actually very nice to be picked up for a date again.

When he arrived at my house at 7pm, I opened the door and invited him inside. The first thing I noticed was that he was definitely southern. From his hair and sunglasses all the way down to the loafers he was wearing, which he eventually later admitted to me that he had to borrow from one of his family members. He had left his at home. He originally grew up in my town but now lives more than an hour and a half away. He had driven in the night before and was staying with family in the area. He was a bit more dressed up than my other dates and looked adorable. He wore khaki pants and a suit jacket. For a split second, I wondered if where we were going meant I should be ashamed of the jeans I had on. After an earlier debate with my best friend about wearing boots (my choice) or a pair of summery TOMS (her choice), I was glad that I had chosen the boots, because it dressed up my outfit just a tad bit.

Grandson was very outgoing and confident, which is always a good sign for a first date. He bent down to pet my dog, complimented me on my home décor, and asked if I was ready to go. We walked out of my house, he opened the truck door for me (of course he had a truck), I climbed in and pushed over a camo visor (I think that was what it was). See told you, southern. I wonder what he thought of my northern accent? I never thought to ask him. After about a 25 minute drive, we arrived at the restaurant which was most definitely one of the nicest places a date has ever taken me. The atmosphere was beautiful because it was right on the lake. The hostess asked Grandson if we wanted to eat inside or outside and he said outside without even consulting me. I actually liked that he made the decision without asking, it was a no brainer, but it showed that he can take charge and make decisions. I would have chosen outside anyway, just in case you were wondering.

Eating out on the back deck overlooking that view, literally made me feel like I was in a Nicholas Sparks movie. Because it was now full fledge October weather and the sun had been down for awhile, I started to get a bit chilly. I blame the sweater because it wasn’t keeping me as warm as I thought. Grandson noticed and immediately volunteered to go get a jacket that he had in the car. I hated to make him go back to the car, so I was trying to be tough, but he went out to get it anyway. Good move. I was certainly grateful for it by the end of the night, even though it did cover up my favorite sweater.

Shortly after we finished eating, Grandson asked if I was ready to go and we left. For some reason I left not feeling “lively” enough for him. As we were walking out, I literally told him I was probably too boring for him. He agreed, said he was just kidding and that he had a good time. I don’t know why I had this sinking feeling that he regretted going out with me. Maybe it was because on the way home, for the first half of the ride, we didn’t really talk. He played the radio, changed the stations back and forth, sang along to some lines and I looked out the window. I was literally thinking, “Get with the program here and start a conversation that will interest him!” Maybe it was because it was a Sunday night and therefore a school night for me, maybe it was because he seemed a bit more adventurous than I was – but I hated to think I disappointed him. He was so very sweet to be willing to go out with me, drive into town the night prior, take me to an awesome restaurant and pay for me. When I finally did speak up, it was to tell him to take a different way home to my house than the way he was headed. I said it without thinking and then I chided myself for giving a man directions in a town he grew up in. I apologized for telling him what to do and I eventually got myself together and started a meaningful conversation about 8 minutes before arriving to my house. When we pulled up to my house, I thanked him for taking me out and he said, “No problem, I had a blast!” I actually turned to him and said, “You did?!” I am still not sure if he was lying about that one, but it at least allowed me to walk into my house that night, content that maybe he didn’t regret his decision to take me out after all.

So thank you Grandson for going out of your way to take me out on a date, I am not going to be so naïve to think that you are not reading this right now. I actually hope that you cared enough to want to read this post, but then again, we have the mystery of guys to factor in. And thank you Grandma for trusting me enough to go out with your beloved grandson. I know grandma’s are protective over their grandchildren, so thank you for basically arranging this date for us and respecting me enough to introduce us. I know you are reading, because you read them all, and I love that about you. You have been such an encouragement in my life, even though it has been awhile since I have been able to actually hug you in person. So consider this a virtual hug. I appreciate you so very much.

23 dates and counting down. Until next week.

Sometimes I stand in the front of my classroom and look out at my desk filled room and I imagine what my students will be like in 5 years from now, in 10 years…20 years. When they are quietly and busily working on an assignment, sometimes I force myself to quiet my own mind and get back to the reason I am a teacher. I stop worrying about their test scores, my lesson plans, the discipline code, the meetings, and all the other worries that come with the life of being a teacher. I allow myself two minutes of quiet reflection time and ask questions such as these:

“Am I making a difference in the lives of my students?”

“After they leave my classroom, will they remember me years down the road?”

“What can I do to make them feel loved and cherished during this short time they are with me every day?”

I will be the first to admit that those quiet reflection times seem to happen less and less the more years that I have been in this profession, but it is needed. It is needed for me to keep on doing what I am doing. And so after weeks pass me by, without those self questioning thoughts, I reprimand myself a bit and I stop and quiet my mind.

To the girls in my classroom: I pray that you realize you’re beautiful because you were created by the One Perfect God. Don’t base your beauty on what society tells you. I want you to know that you deserve someone special to one day love you, but that your identity should not be whether you have a man by your side. Please realize that your body is a gift, it is special, make sure you demand that men treat it that way. Don’t settle, don’t give up and keep loving yourself each and every day because you are perfect. just. the. way. you. are.

Anyone else hear Bruno Mars’ voice right now? I just had to take a small intermission and listen to his song for some further inspiration 🙂

To the boys in my classroom: I pray that you realize that your ultimate strength comes from The Mighty God who created you. I want you to grow into manhood where you are recognized for being a gentleman. Gentle meaning strong and brave, not weak and scrawny. Don’t let anger overtake you and realize that when you feel broken, it is okay. I hope that you find a kind woman one day who loves you in just the right way, lets you take care of her, and in turn you treat her like a Princess. Don’t let your self-worth be in how beautiful the world thinks your wife is, how successful the world tells you that you are, instead find your worth in Our Savior.

Why am I getting all sentimental as I open up my story about date 6? Because when I walked into to meet him, I immediately saw some of my students in his face, 20 years from now.

Let me back up. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop downtown at 7:00 and so I had a wonderful day of relaxing in my PJ’s and allowing myself some “me” time. If I can go out on 30 dates and still have some “me” time, it will be a successful journey, I am sure of it. I finally showered and changed around 5 that evening and hopped in my car to meet my date 6.

I had a bit of trouble finding a parking spot, so I had to park on a neighborhood street about a block away from the coffee shop. I finally walked in about 5 minutes late. The first thing I noticed about date number 6 was that he was like a giant teddy bear. He was adorable and I had to stop myself from just going up to him and hugging him right then and there. I shook his hand, told him about my parking issue and we sat down at a table. He asked me if I wanted to go order and I let him in on a secret that I had been keeping. “Ummm I actually don’t drink coffee,” I muttered while looking into his wide, big, brown eyes. I explained that I love hot chocolate though and he guided me towards the counter to order. I ordered a pumpkin hot chocolate, perfect for a cool October day and grabbed my purse. He immediately noticed that and put his hand up and said, “I got it.” He ordered a mocha and we began our evening together.

The coffee shop was a very quaint place, which was cute, but as we were talking I felt like everyone could hear our conversation. I tried to block them out, but I did notice a woman sitting at the end table and a man sitting at a table over from her. It was obvious they were not there together but eventually I saw them strike up a conversation. I don’t know how it happened, but they had my attention. In between conversations with “Teddy,” our words would grow quiet and he would just look at me and stare. I always thought he would begin talking again, but he didn’t. At some points, I couldn’t take his piercing brown eyes on me, so I would look away. This is how I could keep track of what was happening at the tables over from us. Eventually I saw the man ask for the woman’s number and began entering it into his phone, she was smiling the whole time. As she walked out, I watched the man watch her leave and he too had a smile on his face. That was cute. Two people just might have started a relationship in that coffee shop. For a split second I wanted to shout to the man that I was proud of him, but decided against it as I focused back on the smile of my date.

Teddy has a round face with round brown eyes to match. His smile drew me in. As I was watching him talk, or as he was watching me talk, I noticed his eyes had a mix of gentleness and brokenness. I felt my heart move a little bit as I looked into his eyes, because that is when I saw my students in him. All of the things I wish for my male students, I wished for him in that single second. I knew I wasn’t going to be the woman that could give him the love he deserved, but I almost literally ached, I wanted that so badly for him.

After we finished our drinks, we went to go check on my car to make sure that it hadn’t been towed or vandalized for parking on private property. I asked him if he wanted to walk around or go get something to eat. He said we could walk around until we found something. And I let him in on my second secret of the night. I wanted Qdoba ever since I pulled in and saw that it was close by. He had never been there, but of course, the gentleman that he was, agreed with no problems at all. As we stood in line in another order and pay kind of restaurant, I told him he could go first and ushered him ahead of me. He went without a problem. Good job Teddy. Good job. He ordered, I ordered and then he told the college student at the register that our orders were together and he paid. I thanked him for paying and we sat down to our meal.

During our conversation, some aspects of his life were shared and I began to put together why his eyes had a bit of brokenness in them. He didn’t go into too many details but I just felt like I saw inside him a bit. We talked about why I was doing 30 dates and he told me that he understood completely and it was a brave thing for me to do. I wanted him to feel special and not just another number, so I told him that he had an amazing smile. I also told him that I saw such gentleness in his eyes and that I could tell he was a complete gentleman and knew how to treat a lady. He smiled, said thank you and then complimented me back. He told me I was beautiful on the outside, but that he saw great beauty and depth in my heart as well. If I already wasn’t aching enough, that did it even more.

We talked about our families and I shared with him about the recent passing of my grandmother. He looked at me like I was the only person in this world and he told me he could relate, he lost his grandmother two years ago. As he told that story, my eyes began to fill with tears and I told myself I needed to hold it together. It made me feel comfortable to tell him even more details about the last goodbyes with my grandma and again I fought back tears. I wish I could talk to my grandma about these 30 dates, I wish I could tell her that I talked about her to Teddy and that I told him she was one of my favorite women of all time. I wish that she could read these blog posts, she would always tell me that I was such a good writer and I know she would get such a kick out of these dates. I know she would tell me that these guys were such great guys and chastise me about why I didn’t go on a second date with them. I can just hear her saying, “So what was wrong with THAT one?” I miss her a lot and that came out on my date with Teddy. He was so good at listening. I would stop talking, he would stare at me, and again I thought he would eventually say something or change the topic of conversation, but instead he would just stare, until again, I had to look away.

Eventually after sitting there for about 20 minutes after we finished our meals, I got up to use the restroom and came back to clear our table. I asked him if he was ready to go, because he lived a little over an hour away and I didn’t want him to get home too late. He said he would be fine, but offered to walk me back to my car at that time. It was a bit chilly out and he asked if I was cold and put his arm around me to warm me up for like 5 seconds. He told me that he was generally always hot, so one hug from him, should warm me up right away. When we got to my car, I hugged him and he told me, “Just to let you know, I would love to see you again, you have my number and my email address.” I smiled and said okay and got into my car. As I waved goodbye to him and pulled my car out of the parking space, the ache in my core had not left and soon guilt started to replace it. Is what I am doing okay? I know these guys are real people, with real feelings. I would never ever want to be the cause of hurt for them. But isn’t that what dating is all about? Sometimes first dates lead to second dates and sometimes they don’t. I am not sure how he was different than the other dates I had been on, but I left our date wanting Teddy to find someone who loved him for who he was as a man. Such a sweet, gentle, caring man. Someone who could turn those broken eyes into a sparkle.

When I started this journey I prayed that this would not all be about me. I realize that I am the one going on these dates, I am the one writing these blog posts about my thoughts and feelings, but I want my journey to somehow impact others as well. I want my dates to see Jesus in me, see the beauty that can only come from knowing I am loved and saved by an Almighty God. I want to somehow spend an evening with them, make them feel special during our time together and leave feeling a little bit of inspiration. Not because they went on a date with me, but because I truly believe that God is in the midst of all of this. This whole idea simply started as a 29 year old woman, learning how to date, stretching the comfort zone a bit and getting to know men who otherwise would have been complete strangers, but it has turned into so much more. I am learning. And I am growing. If I can be an encouragement to these men and an inspiration to others, then I feel so very humbled that I can be used in a way that I never first expected. Thank you God for directing me and thank you for teaching me. And as always, thank you for reading.

24 dates and counting down. Until tomorrow.

I have recently realized I have always been an entertainer at heart. In high school, I was involved in the drama team at my church’s youth group. I even got the guts to try out for a high school play my senior year at school – I got cut though. A little part of me has always wondered what it would be like to be a real live actress. However, instead I use my acting skills to emcee the school’s talent show by providing as much entertainment as I can muster up in between introducing acts. That is all I have to offer, I can’t sing well, I can ensure you that I do not dance well, and playing the piano didn’t work out so much for me  in middle school after a failed recital. Entertaining through my words was a new idea to me, so these past couple of weeks have been such a treat. I get excited to write blog posts, maybe even more so than going out on the actual date. So thank you for clicking to come here, thank you for reading this, and thank you for sharing in my journey and for all of your encouragement along the way.

Onto my jammed pack, date filled weekend. About a week and a half ago, I had my Saturday and Sunday dates lined up. I have kept email communication with some other guys that had yet to ask me out, when finally after about 15 emails sent back and forth with one particular individual, he asked if I wanted to go out this weekend. I literally wrote back and said, “I thought you would never ask!” Unfortunately I had to tell him I already had plans on Saturday and Sunday. He wrote back and said he could do Friday if I wanted. I thought about it for probably longer than I should have, because my Friday nights are usually spent getting home from work around 7, after long and exhausting weeks. I usually relax with a bubble bath, whip up something simple for dinner, really simple, like mac and cheese and go to bed by 10 after an evening of couch sitting. But my only alternative was to ask him to wait until November and I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to get to know this one. So I wrote back and said Friday would be perfect. A few days later he asked for my number, so we could begin to plan for Friday. I gave him my number but typed out a warning with it that included that I prefer texting over talking on the phone to people I have yet met in person. So Thursday evening he texted me and offered up some ideas for our date on Friday and asked for my input. After my only input of shooting down his putt putt idea, in a nice way of course, he didn’t respond for a long time. Finally when he did get back to me, he said, “Sorry for the delay, I had to bounce some ideas off my parents.” That was cute. I told him so too. He asked how the plan of getting a pizza, going bowling and then topping it off with dessert sounded. I said it was perfect, all while still smiling that his parents helped him figure that one out. He texted me an address to meet for pizza and he set the time for 7:30.

I headed into work the next morning, praying that I would have energy to enjoy my Friday evening with him. I got home from work, sooner than usual, and jumped into the shower to re-energize myself. I did my hair a bit differently than normal. I went for the crimpy, curly, scrunched look. It had been raining most of the day, so I thought that fit better with the weather. But the whole time prior to my date, I was not satisfied with my look. “Get over it girl,” I told myself. “Stop focusing on what you look like and remember inner beauty is so much better.” I pinned my bangs back, looked in the mirror one last time, realized that it was as good as it was gonna get, and left my house.

As I was driving to the restaurant, I got this feeling that made me think, “What am I doing here, 30 dates before I turn 30, are you stinkin’ crazy?” It is interesting the thoughts that are jumbled in my head before each date. I remember distinctly, driving to date number 2 and I felt like I was in a movie. This time, I just constantly repeated in my head…this is good for you… this is good for you. It was good for me. During my pep talk to myself, he texted me at 7:10, stating he had arrived. When I pulled in at 7:27, I responded that I was walking up. However, when I got to the front entrance I didn’t see anyone that remotely resembled his pictures. It had rained about an hour prior and so when I went to sit on the bench outside the restaurant it was soaked, so I decided against it. There was a man sitting on another bench with two little adorable boys, one baby in his hands and another three year old dancing around in front of him. The man whispered to the little boy and he quickly came over to me with the biggest smile ever and took his jacket to wipe up the rain from the bench so I could sit down! I wanted to pinch his cute little cheeks just seeing him, but now I wanted to take him home. He only wiped up a third of the moisture, but I sat down anyway and soaked the back of my pants. I began talking to the dad and he was explaining that his boys were adopted and how special they were to him. During our conversation, I saw date number five, “The Good Son” walk up (a guy that consults his parents for date ideas, will certainly be nicknamed as such). He walked past me, for some reason he didn’t see me, and pulled out his phone to call me. I waved at him to get his attention because I couldn’t answer my phone in the midst of my conversation. As I began to walk away from the most adorable, little African American, three year old that I have ever met, I told his dad he was doing a great job raising a gentleman. I walked over to my date number five and explained to him what that little boy did for me and he said, “Oh no, someone already has me beat for the night!” I laughed, we walked into the restaurant and we were told we had a 40 minute wait. I suggested we go walk around downtown for a bit. As we did, we came across another bench and he said he wished he had a jacket to wipe it off for me. He then asked if I wanted him to take off his shirt for that purpose, I quickly told him no, that would not be the best idea in the middle of downtown 🙂 I guess it would have made this blog post a little more interesting though.

Once we got back to the restaurant and seated, the conversation was brought up that I was a math teacher and he immediately lit up, math is part of his job. He told me he wanted to show me a “math trick” and he pulled out a pen from his pocket and held it up. Then he announced, “You always should bring a pen when on a date, just in case.” “In case you meet someone curious enough to show them a math trick?” I asked. “No, just to have a pen on a date.” I laughed and he began scribbling on a napkin. I was following him up until the end, the trick involved compound interest and then the ending started making no sense to me. He seemed a little confused and asked me what he did wrong. I said I had no idea and offered the sympathy that it could just be me. “No, it is definitely me,” he said, “I did something wrong.” I let that slide and the pizza arrived. Best pizza ever, by the way. He said he had looked up the best pizza places around and his research had definitely paid off. At some points our conversation would die off and I got a little awkward. Each time, I tired to salvage it, but it seemed a bit choppy. He didn’t really seem nervous, I wasn’t nervous, I just felt it didn’t always flow. However, when we did find something to talk about, it went well. At one point I asked him about his other dates from eharmony and he said that many times he would meet a girl and she wouldn’t look anything like her picture. I began to get nervous, hoping he wasn’t disappointed by me, since of course, I tired to pick some good pictures to post on eharmony. I finally asked him, “Do I look like my pictures?” He answered and said I looked a little different. “Is it my hair?” I asked a bit self consciously. He smiled and said he liked my hair. He told me I looked a bit different than my pictures, but in a different way than what he was talking about with the other girls. I still didn’t know what that meant, but I decided to let it be a compliment and we moved on from that conversation.

After he paid for the pizza, we left for the bowling alley. I followed him in my car and we arrived at a place just 3 minutes from the restaurant. This guy did a great job planning each detail. We walked inside and right away I realized it was glow bowling. My stomach dropped a bit, because I have been scarred from glow bowling. My front teeth have been reconstructed after chipping them in elementary school and for some reason the “glow” makes them look different than the rest of my teeth, or so everyone always points out anytime I go to a “glow anything”. I immediately told myself not to smile while we were there, knowing this was going to be hard, because The Good Son smiled at everything. After my first strike, that rule was quickly broken and I forgot about my teeth. I smiled the rest of the night and nothing was mentioned if he did notice it. He kicked my tail the first game and won by 60 points. He got a score of 142, which he said was his all time high. We had previously discussed during our pre-dinner walk that neither one of us were good at bowling. I am ecstatic if I can break a 100, which did not happen this night. I was proud of him for doing well and I think that boosted his self-confidence a bit, which I was glad for. Both of us did even worse the second game, but he still won by 28 points. We then headed on to our third event of the night. He had already looked up an ice cream place about 5 minutes from the bowling alley and I again followed him there.

As we drove, I noticed we passed a small little restaurant that I knew was very well known for their delicious desserts. We parked and he had to pay for me to park too because I had no cash on me (note to self: bring at least some cash on dates in the future). Because of that, I told him I would pay for dessert. I had an inner struggle of whether or not I wanted to change his plans and ask him if we could switch dessert places. That is when I saw the sign that our parking tickets would get us 5 dollars off at the restaurant I wanted to go to. So I had to ask. He said he was fine with it and the rain started. I went to my car and grabbed an umbrella and took it over to him, even though we could barely both fit under it. I think he was halfway under and halfway getting soaked. The restaurant was just around the corner and it was a short walk, but during that time he put his arm around me and held me even closer as we walked. Smooth one. This guy doesn’t miss opportunities. We walked into the restaurant, which was actually quite fancy and I was glad that I had offered to pay. We ordered a piece of chocolate cake to split, he let me pick. After we were finished with the cake, I went to grab my purse, but the waiter said that since we had two parking tickets, that was ten dollars off and that covered our entire bill. Here I offer to pay and then it works out that we get the dessert for free. I thanked our waiter and we left.

We headed back to the car, the rain had let up a bit, so it was just me under the umbrella and I thanked him for paying for everything and giving me a great time. He said he had a great time as well and I walked over to my car and he walked to his. It took him a second, but then he finally said, “Wait, I want to give you a hug.” So he came back over to my car and hugged me under the umbrella. I told him to have a safe drive back, got in my car, and waved goodbye. Two seconds later, I got a text from him that said simply, “You’re cute.” I smiled as I drove home. I arrived home and took a bubble bath and went to bed. Exhausted. But well worth it.

25 dates and counting down. Until tomorrow.

Even though I am only four dates in, it is amazing to see the differences in each guy and how their personality shines through on each date. My 1st and 3rd dates had a more introverted personality and I could sense their nerves most of the date. My 2nd and 4th dates were both extroverts and if they were nervous, I didn’t sense one ounce of it. I would usually describe myself as more of an introvert, but I am noticing that when I am with more introverted guys, I tend to take on a more extroverted role. Maybe it is to try and make them feel more comfortable or maybe it is so we won’t have a lull in the conversation, not that I mind a lull every now and then, but first dates are awkward in and of itself. I wonder if I will be a pro at them by date 30? That is if date 30 happens to still be a first date…

At the end of date number 4, yes I realize, I am jumping to the end, but I just have to throw this in here now, he said to me, “So are you journaling or blogging about these dates?” When I reluctantly nodded my head yes, not deciphering which one, he said, “That’s a good idea, so you can remember details.” I smiled and then he added, “Give me a really cool name when you write about our date!” So my extroverted date number 4 will be called Michelangelo, since that is a name of the ninja turtle described as, “an easy going and free spirited jokester,” according to Wikipedia. Plus date number 4 is an artist, so Michelangelo it is!

I was matched with Michelangelo on eharmony right off the bat. When we got to the email stage, he informed me that his subscription was going to be up in a week and asked if we could exchange personal email addresses. We did and he also sent me a link to his website, so I could see parts of his ministry and articles he wrote on specific subjects. He had a few articles on dating and I found those fascinating to read. The whole time I was reading, I was thinking to myself how our views seemed to align pretty darn well. That made me excited to meet him, knowing our thoughts were very similar in regards to dating, especially the idea of not settling until we have found God’s best for our lives. That doesn’t mean the PERFECT spouse, just the one that is most perfect for us. In one of his blog posts he listed what he was looking for in a wife. The number one quality was that she had to love Jesus. I liked that he used that terminology, because that is usually what I say when I am asked what I am looking for in a man. Not just a Christian by name, but someone who truly and sincerely loves our Savior.

He had a few other things in his “list,” and one of them was athletic. After I saw that, I made sure to tell him that I didn’t fit that part of his list. I am not athletic at all. I have found myself being way more honest with these guys, because I feel like I have nothing to lose. Date number 3, ugh, I have to get over the habit of calling them by their date number…ahem, Mr. Knows Just What To Say, had previously asked me if I liked football. I told him no. Another guy, who I have yet to set a date with, asked in one of his emails, “So are you into hiking, backpacking or running?” I wrote back, “No, nope and not really.” But I am into pedicures, massages and shopping. What a winner I am! I will certainly get to my 30 very quickly answering questions like that – please, sense the sarcasm 🙂 But seriously, why would I hide my true interests, even though I do realize I am “such a girl.” If guys don’t want to go out on one date with me because I am not athletic, don’t hike and don’t understand the excitement that comes with a game of football, then that is okay with me. Do I mind if guys have those interests? Of course not. However, I would love my future husband to get more excited about Jesus than football, but I would much rather him be into hiking and sports, than pedicures and hair gel. I do realize that guys love girls that get passionate about football as much as they do, but I am not and will not ever be one of those girls, so I might as well tell them up front, right? Okay, enough of that little rant.

On to date number four:

In Michelangelo’s third email, he mentioned that he would love to take me out if I was interested. Another initiative taker. He even said, “Coffee, lunch or dinner is on me if so.” We planned to meet up on Sunday and he was willing to drive to my town, he lived an hour and a half away. I always think it is so sweet when the guys are willing to drive to meet me. I appreciate that more than they know, so I can still have a bit of my weekend to re-coup from a busy work week. My suggestion was to meet at Panera for lunch. Now the problem with Panera is that when you order, you pay right away. I knew he said “lunch would be on him,” but how do you do that in a line at Panera? I started to come up with a plan before I even set foot in the restaurant. I would make sure that somehow he would order first and then he would either pay for his food or he would turn to me and ask me to put my order in at the same time and he would pay for both of us. I want to make it perfectly clear that I do not EXPECT the guy to always be the one to pay, if I have to pay, then I will. However, I have also been told by guys that they WANT to pay, it makes them feel more of a man and that they are on an actual date instead of just two friends hanging out. Maybe it depends on the guy, but I think the majority of the guys I have discussed this with, enjoy paying on the first date.

We met at the front entrance, I was there 5 minutes early and he arrived 15 minutes late, due to what I am assuming was traffic. He did email me, which I checked on my phone, to tell me he was going to be late, which I thought was very considerate. Him driving an hour and a half to meet me, means it is okay to be 15 minutes late. When he arrived he apologized for being late, I told him not to worry at all and we got in line. He directed me in front of him. Okay, so here we go, plan set in motion. I turned to him and said, “You go first,” and then I acted like I was scanning the menu trying to find something I wanted to order. Mind you, I go to Panera all of the time and I get the EXACT same thing every time. But how else would I know if he wanted to pay or not if he didn’t go first?! He then said, “No ladies first, go ahead.” Come on Michelangelo, you are ruining my plan dude…” I stepped up to order and he stayed behind me gazing at the menu. When I was finished ordering, I was scared to look over my shoulder, because I didn’t want him to think that I was waiting for him to pay if he didn’t want to. Finally the lady said my total amount and I got my credit card out and paid. He then stepped to the next register to order. I have no idea what happened there. I know in his email he specifically said, “it would be on him.” Did he change his mind? Did I ruin it? Did I just upset him? Was he glad I paid? I don’t think guys realize how awkward this is for girls. Again, I didn’t mind paying, I just wish it was with a little less turmoil on the inside. It wasn’t about the money, I just didn’t want to do anything wrong. In the end, he probably didn’t even care either way.

When I finally started breathing again after the payment saga, we sat down at a table and he pulled out a small felt bag in the shape of an apple filled with goodies. He handed it to me and said, “I heard you should always bring a teacher an apple.” That was cute, good job Michelangelo. I didn’t realize how thoughtful gifts could be.

He said he thought about bringing a real apple, but he thought I might like some chocolate better. Umm, in fact, yes, yes I do.

Being the extroverted person he was, he did a great job of talking through lunch and guided the conversation very well. After lunch, I suggested we drive to the lake for a bit and he thought it was a great idea. We arrived there in our separate cars and chose a picnic table in the shade overlooking the lake, it was such a pretty day out and the glisten on the lake made it that much better. He seemed generally interested in how my 30 dates were going and so I told him a few details. He was the one that asked, I don’t bring it up, unless they do. And even then, I don’t go into too many specifics. He told me he really wanted to stay updated about that and also said he had several single guy friends that would probably love to take me out if I needed help with numbers. How sweet of him. After about an hour of talking, he thanked me for a great afternoon and said he should be leaving. I thanked him for being such a great guy and again for being the one to drive into town. As we walked back to his car he told me if I was ever in his area to let him know and he would show me around his Panera. He came over and gave me a hug and the date ended. Another great experience, another great guy that I would have never met if I didn’t take on this challenge for myself.

Lately it is the scheduling that has been the challenge. I just recently had to clear up a mistake that I made in scheduling two dates on October 12th. And I just might have said yes to three different dates THIS upcoming weekend. Oh Vey! But I feel blessed. I feel so very blessed that these guys are willing to give up an afternoon or evening of their time to meet me, take me out, whether they pay for me or not 🙂 I don’t think I will ever forget these dates for as long as I will live.

26 dates and counting down. Until next weekend.

Date number three had some anticipation surrounding it. As stated in previous posts, date number 3 is the good communicator, the one that seemed to get my attention and sustain it through every single email message by the questions he asked and his answers. He is also known as Mr. Knows Just What To Say and meeting him in person did not change that nickname. I guess you might be able to say he had somewhat of an unfair advantage from the previous two dates, because we had also been communicating through text messages. I guess sending great emails allowed him to reach the text messaging stage. So because we had been texting several days prior to our date, I woke up feeling a bit anxious about it all. I was nervous for several reasons. We seemed to be able to sustain a conversation very easily, but that was through text and email, what if that didn’t happen in person? What happens if he already created me as a certain type of person in his head and I wasn’t who he was expecting? What if I was building him up in my head too much? I was nervous one of us was going to let the other one down. I called a friend, someone I consider to be a great mentor in my life, and she reminded me of truth. She reminded me that God has this in control and that no matter the outcome for today, everything was going to be fine. God is not a God of anxiety. He is not a God of fear. I would be fine. I realized that the pressure I put on myself in my 20s was beginning to creep through into the “new 30s me.” I reminded myself why I was doing these 30 dates to begin with and that was because I didn’t want to have to analyze so much over one date. I could go, have fun, or possibly not have fun, but that didn’t mean that I had to figure out if he was the guy I wanted to marry after first meeting him. He knew I had 29 other suitors (that was what he called them), and he couldn’t expect me to fall in love with him on the first date either. So I quickly prayed, casting my anxiety to the Lord and then busied myself with household chores. I went and got my nails and eyebrows done. I know what you are thinking, “Wow this guy really did make an impression on her for her to get her nails done for it.” However this has been a normal Saturday occurrence over the past several years, even when I would just go home to have a date with my couch.

I started to catch on why this guy was Mr. Knows Just What To Say. He seemed to do his homework. Through our prior communication, he asked me what my top love languages were (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). He also asked me if I had ever taken the Myers Briggs Personality Test and I had. So I passed on my personality type to him as well. I wouldn’t doubt if he did research on it. He seemed to be a very intellectual sort of guy. Which I didn’t know that I would like so much.

So, here we go, ready or not, I was about to meet my favorite so far.

He chose the zoo and the plan was to meet there at 3 in the afternoon. Due to all my anxiety, I arrived 15 minutes early and waited in the parking lot until I spotted him at 2:56 in the row behind me. I watched as he got out of his car and then I got out of mine. He didn’t see me get out, he wasn’t the one that had been sitting there for the past 10 minutes, scoping out every single car that arrived. I yelled, “Hey Stranger!” and waved. I’ve never called someone a stranger, that was literally a stranger to me, I found that amusing, not sure if he did. He walked over to me and I asked him how his drive in was. He lived over an hour and a half away and he said he had to stop twice to go to the restroom. I thought that was cute, because I could tell he was nervous. Right before I ever have to speak to a large crowd or do something where my nerves are in a bundle, I usually end up having to make several bathroom breaks. I didn’t share that with him though, I figured we should move on from the bathroom subject. As we walked into the zoo, he pulled out tickets that he had purchased ahead of time, very efficient I may add, I knew this guy literally thinks of everything.

We began walking around the zoo and gardens and at one point he turned to me and told me I wasn’t very photogenic. I looked at him with a squinty confused look on my face and he said, “You are way more beautiful in person than in your eharmony pictures.” Ummm, yeah point 37 for Mr. Intellect over here.  After about two hours, I was hungry and ready for dinner and so we headed to a restaurant that I had chosen. Our conversation went in many directions, although the restaurant was loud and noisy. However, I was okay with that because after two hours of walking and talking at the zoo, I was ready for a bit of a break in conversation. I only could eat half of my meal, but that is normal, and so I quit eating. I noticed that he did too, which was surprising because normally I am used to the guy finishing their plate. During our dinner conversation he shared with me that he had been on a lot of first dates before, this guy is several years older than me, but that he had been the most nervous for this one. He had probably felt the anticipation too, like I had that morning. Thankfully, I had already given it to the Lord that morning, so my nerves were non-existent by the time I saw him. His nerves probably explains why he quit eating too. So here we are both with half eaten meals and the waitress keeps coming over and checking on us. Finally, I told him we should probably leave to clear the table for those waiting to be seated and he agreed. As I got up to leave I noticed my shoe’s sole was falling off. I showed him and he suggested we go get super glue to fix it. I liked that idea, because I was literally flopping all around in my shoe and could barely walk with it.

We found super glue at the grocery store around the corner from the restaurant and I picked it up. Halfway to the register, he took it out of my hand and I told him that he didn’t need to pay for it because it was for MY shoe after all. He insisted that he should, since it happened on “his watch.” How many points does he have now? I am not sure, I lost track. He glued the shoe for me back at the car and I suggested we go find a place to talk. Normally I would have suggested we could go get dessert somewhere, but with both of us not finishing our meals, I highly doubted he was willing to scarf down something else. I directed him to the river downtown and we ended the evening sitting on concrete steps staring out at the river. This is when I finally felt like his nerves began to fade, maybe it had something to do with the fact that as we talked we were side by side, instead of looking at each other. I heard somewhere, guys prefer that form of posture when communicating. At 8:30, I was ready to leave, my poor little behind was getting sore from sitting on concrete steps. I told him that, he smiled and we got up to leave. Now, thinking back on it, I feel a little guilty that I controlled the ending of each one of our activities. I was the one that suggested we leave the zoo at 5 to go eat, I was the one that said we should leave the restaurant and now I was the one ending our river talk time. I didn’t mean to take control, but in a way, I kinda like that he let me make those decisions.

He took me back to my car by the zoo and I told him that I had so much to thank him for. As I went through my list of thankfulness, he turned around and pulled out a small gift, neatly wrapped in green tissue paper (did I mention that I had told him my favorite color was green?) and handed it to me. I asked him if he wanted me to open it now or when I got home. He said I could wait until I got home. We both got out of his car and I started walking towards mine. I stopped to give him a hug before I got into the car. I knew that I was going to be the one to initiate the hug, because we had a conversation about how physical touch was one of my lowest love languages, so I knew he was going to give me some space. I think he was surprised by the hug, but it felt like the right thing to do. The ending was perfect, because again, nothing was discussed about when or if we would see each other again, and I got in my car and left.

I got home and opened up the small package and it was a book called “The Sacred Search.” He had already told me that he had finished reading that a few months ago and that it really helped him figure out what he wanted in a wife one day. In the middle of the book was a card where he wrote a personalized note. Part of it said, “I do pray that I get to see you again, but if not I wish you nothing but the absolute best and God’s blessings in your search.” I immediately texted him a thank you text for the gift. After about an hour, after he returned home, he texted back and said that he had a great time and would love the opportunity to spend time with me again, but that there was no pressure because he knew that he was just 1 of the 30 and that my time was limited. Perfect text. Perfect date.

Don’t ask me if I like him though. Don’t ask me if he could be Mr. Right. Because I don’t know. And I don’t need to know right now. That is what used to weigh me down before, so much that I would just talk myself out of dating altogether. I have a few other dates lined up in the coming weekends and I have already made some plans with friends and family for some weekends, so he is right, my time is limited. However, I texted him back and told him that I am sure we can work something out, if he could be patient with me. He wrote back and said he could and that he would wait 30 weeks if he had to.

So my answer to the infamous question about what if I find Mr. Right on a date, what would I do with the remaining dates? My answer is, I am not going to know if he is Mr. Right after one date. All I am going to know is if I had a great time and if there is potential chemistry. And if I did, and if there is, why not have him be 2 out of the 30 dates? I cannot say that I want my next 27 dates to be with him. I can only say that we might have been sitting in the chemistry room, with a potential spark. I need to take it date by date or else I will resort back to freaking myself out. He knows I am busy until the end of October, so we will see what happens from now until then.

27 dates and counting down. Until tomorrow.

I didn’t really expect to have two dates in one weekend, actually I didn’t really even expect to start the actual dates until October, that was where I got the calculation of 5 dates per month. However, guy from date number two was actually the first to ask me to go out.

Sidenote: I know that I should somehow come up with nicknames for these guys to use when I blog, but I can’t think of how to do that, so I don’t get confused with their actual real names too and there are about 4 guys that have names that start with a D, so that would be just as confusing.

Anyway, as soon as I got to the email stage with “second guy that has a name that starts with a D” (Allergy boy that cancelled on me had a D name too, an actual D name, not what you are thinking….I told you I was being nice in these posts), he asked what I was doing that particular weekend in his first email to me. He wanted to know about meeting for lunch on Sunday in a middle town. I liked that he asked to get together so quickly, even more so now, as I just got finished emailing a few other guys back. Some of my email exchanges with other guys have been up to 10 emails or so and I am starting to run out of things to say over email. I am also getting tired of answering the question, believe it or not, of “how is my day.” However, my favorite communicator so far – remember him? – asked me some good questions in just his second email. Here is what he said:

“Here is my question for you:
How would you like to proceed? Would you like to continue emailing for awhile? Or move to a phone conversation? Or skip ahead to just meeting in person?

I have justifications for each of the above approaches. Sometimes if both parties are comfortable meeting sooner it is better that later, for if there is no chemistry in person then there is no reason to drag it out. But on the other hand it may take time for both parties to become comfortable with each other before meeting. I know my mere words carry little weight on here, but as a man, I would never ask you to compromise your sense of security in any way. Thus, you’re in complete control … I’m just seeking a rose. =]”

Good, huh?

But I need to stop there, because he is date number three this coming Saturday and this post is supposed to be out Numero Dos. That is what I get for waiting this long to blog about date 2, because I am already in anticipation of Mr. Knows Just What To Say up there.

So back to last Sunday.

I decided to wear a casual sundress, because the weather was very nice out and a Sunday lunch just seemed to call for it. One of the downsides about this date was that I had to travel just under an hour to meet him. However, I wouldn’t have expected him to come all the way to me. So I was fine traveling and rocking out to  Jamie Grace’s newest CD, the songs on that CD have become my theme songs for these dates. It has put me at ease both times.

He had given me a restaurant to meet him at, which I was grateful for, he had done his research on this town, even though, I don’t think either one of us had ate there before. I pulled up one minute early again, 12:59 and he was already waiting at the outdoor tables at the front of the restaurant. So far, so good with timeliness in these guys. I recognized him from his pictures and crossed the street towards him. I can’t even remember the first thing I said to him, probably something along the lines of…umm…”Hi.” He asked how I pronounced my name and then told me that the restaurant he chose, only had the bar open, so he had been looking up a few other places around the area. He gave me two choices from his findings and I told him to pick. He ended up picking a pizza place, so I was good with that, great actually! People that are so health conscious that cannot eat pizza, make me feel intimidated. So point for him there. The pizza place was only two blocks away and since it was such a nice day out, we walked. He asked me about my job and I probably started rambling right away. When we got to the restaurant he said, “I have never been to this one before.” I didn’t really say anything because I was trying to figure out if we were to seat ourselves or what. As we were walking to our table he said, “I have never been to this one before.” Note to self: Next time, respond, even if you aren’t sure what to say, just say anything, so they know you are listening the first time. “Oh really, you haven’t? Me either.” There. That was good.

When we sat down he ordered an appetizer of “garlic knots” and I gave him another point. I kind of liked that he did that without even asking me first, he seemed to be pretty decisive, and I admired that. I know I got that admiration from the mere fact of him ordering an appetizer, but I sensed a confidence in him. During our lunch, we talked mostly about our professions because his is very similar to mine. We seemed to connect in those areas, but not in others. He did a great job of making me feel comfortable and asking good questions, but not like interview types of questions. After we were finished, it had been about an hour. He was the first to start cleaning his area, which made me realize he was ready to go and we walked back to our cars. As we walked he said he had a few things to do at home, which made me not say anything about getting ice cream this time. I was actually ready to leave too, knowing I had a 50 minute drive ahead of me. I was  looking forward to getting back home to having some part of my day to do my weekend chores. As we said goodbye at our cars, I went to shake his hand, but I think that he thought I was going for a hug. So I said, “Oh sure, we can hug.” I don’t know why I said that, I should have just went with it and not opened my mouth. He said, “Yeah let’s hug it out.” We hugged, barely, I might add and I thanked him again and walked to my car. The problem is, I think I forgot to thank him for paying for lunch. That was probably just another strike for me. I will get better at this, I am sure I will.

There we go. Three blog posts in three days. I can now give myself a few days break. Don’t miss me too much. This weekend also has two dates on the books. Although Sunday’s date has already warned me he has been suffering from bad allergies this week and went to the doctor today, but he is praying he will be better by our date. I told him if he cancelled, he would be the second that cancelled due to allergies and that I just might start thinking that I was the one causing these “allergies.” His response was cute, because he is good with words too. But that is date number 4, so I can’t get ahead of myself with him either. Actually, both dates this weekend seem to be pretty smooth talkers… I mean… writers. These next two blog posts should be fun.

28 and counting down. Until next week.

On eharmony, you send questions back and forth to one another until eventually it opens up into an email stage. One question that I usually ask right before eharmony unleashes us into the gates of unknown is if they saw my profile and what their thoughts are on my 30 dates idea. It is very interesting to read the responses. Of course, my favorite responses, are ones that fall along the premise that they think it is a wonderful idea. Here are a few responses that I have received so far regarding that question. The responses I typed under each quote, are just my thoughts, I didn’t use those exact phrases to respond to them.

“Sounds like fun. Nothing to lose but an evening of time! I am sure it will be a great tool for you as you mentor young women.”

Thanks for already seeing character in me to think I am capable of mentoring young women.

“Meeting new people can be good, and challenging and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in order to grow and experience life, is almost always a good thing.”

“I think you shouldn’t get disappointed if you don’t make it to 30 dates before you turn 30. It’s not about quantity, but quality. 🙂 And something tells me you’ll be going on plenty of dates pre- and post- 30.”

Not sure what that “something” was, but I think he got a few points for that.

“So is that 30 dates with 30 different people or what? But as to how I feel about it, I am a youth pastor so I am a little crazy to start with.”

“My Dad told me that the only way I’m going to find out what I really want in a lady is to date more often. I think that it’s a good idea as long as you are safe. It takes much courage to do what you are doing. That shows me that you are special. Hopefully you will pick me…”

Way to go in bringing up your father, wise man he seems to be. Oh and thanks for calling me special.

One guy, the best communicator so far, actually commented about it before I even had a chance to ask him. He filled in a multiple choice question with a free response instead of choosing a multiple choice answer and then added the following to the end of his response:

“BTW I think your little dating experiment is AWESOME! Even if there’s no chemistry I’d be honored to be 1 of your 30 dates! Certain we’d have a great time regardless. =]”

See why he is my favorite?

Then there was the response below, pretty witty.

“Well one date with me and you will cancel this. Lol I think it would be hard to find 30 decent candidates.”

The funny thing about the quote above is that it came from the guy that was supposed to be my first date. He did a great job of getting the ball rolling and asked to go get coffee the following weekend (which was last weekend). After a bit of self questioning in my head, “Self, are you really sure you want to follow through on this idea?!” I said yes and we planned to meet at 8. However at 6, he emailed and cancelled due to a bad headache from allergies and he said, and I quote, “hope we can reschedule, later{enter in the name of the guy who I thought was witty, but now I am thinking chickened out to be my first date}. My first thought was you could at least apologize, but then I realized that I didn’t care. Not even one inch of me felt bad about being cancelled on. For once, I didn’t do the “girl thing” and overanalyze it. I didn’t wonder what I must have done wrong, if he was telling the truth or if for some reason he got another date that was better than me. Instead, I wrote him back and told him I hoped he felt better and that he could contact me when/if he wanted to reschedule. I haven’t heard from him since.

So instead of jumping in the shower, I decided to settle in for a night of correspondence via my laptop. Then an email popped up, from that “crazy” youth pastor and he was wondering if I wanted to get together tonight at 8! It was 7:15 already, what was he thinking? I guess he was crazy. But then again, I didn’t think either, because the… what I will refer to myself as… the “20s me” normally would have thought to myself, “Oh no, if I respond now and say yes, he will think I don’t have a life.” But the newly “about to be 30 me” responded and said sure! But I pushed it back to 8:30, since I had yet put on an ounce of make-up for the day. Not wearing make-up may have to be saved for the next decade, the “I am 40 and just don’t care me.”

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would have a backup date after a guy cancelled on me.

So, enter, date one: (sorry it has taken so long to get here…)

He suggested we go putt-putting. Which may I add, several other guys, okay just three, have already told me that they thought that would be a good first date experience. I am not jumping for joy at the idea of playing miniature golf, but I see the justification of why guys are gravitating towards that idea. We are going to need some more date options though people. I can only take playing putt putt about once a month, if that.

Anyway, when I arrived, he was already waiting for me at the entrance, it was 8:29. I love that he was early by the way, or at least there before 8:29. It was very nice as the woman, to walk up to the man already waiting on her. I tucked my cell phone in my purse and hid that in the backseat of my car, but grabbed my credit card and placed it in my back shorts pocket – just in case. I thought leaving my cell phone in the car was a good idea at the time, I wouldn’t be tempted to check my text messages. However, as I am typing that now, I realize that I should probably have my phone on me at all times, you know, just in case things get too crazy and I need a quick escape.

The first thing I said was, “Way to take the initiative in asking me out tonight, I am proud of you!” He smiled and asked how I was. We walked in and I explained I had never been there before and he said the last time he was there was in 2010. “So do you take all of your first dates putt putting?” I asked. He laughed and said no and it came out that we were both each other’s first dates from eharmony. I told myself I was not going to tell the guys what number out of the 30 they were, but I had just accidentally spilled the beans. An hour of mini golf consisted of me getting a hole in one, him winning the game by 4 and both of us becoming a lot more comfortable with each other. It was a bit hard to carry a conversation though, when one of us was constantly bending down to get the ball. Although, I must say, I was not nervous at all. I thought I might be, since it was the 1st first date, but I found myself trying to be the one to make him feel comfortable. Since the game ended after only an hour, I told him I was kind of hungry. I was just giving him a nudge not to end the date after just one hour and saving myself from playing another round. He asked me what I wanted and I asked him if he was hungry. He shrugged a bit and said, “yeah, I guess a little.” Which started making me feel a little self conscious. Note to guys ( I wonder if guys will read my blog), if you don’t want the date to end, then the answer is, “Yes, I am hungry, that’s a great idea, let’s go get something to eat!” I suggested ice cream and we took off towards a nearby ice cream place, in our separate cars by the way.

While we were in line for ice cream, I offered to pay, but he insisted that would not be necessary. Point for crazy youth pastor, since I was already feeling a bit guilty that I was the one that suggested we go eat something. We spent the next hour talking outside the ice cream shop and he did a great job carrying the conversation, or maybe it was me carrying the conversation, regardless, the conversation was carried. After that hour, I thanked him for being my first date, I thanked him for paying and we both left. That was the best ending of a first date ever! We didn’t need to talk about if we were going to see each other again, he didn’t ask for my number and there wasn’t an awkward hug. Later that night, he emailed me to make sure I got home safe and said, “We should do that again sometime!” I emailed him back and told him I did get home safe, but left out a response to his second part. Not because he wasn’t a great guy, but because I have 29 other dates to plan.

Now this post is even longer than the first and I am staying up past my bedtime two nights in a row. And..I haven’t even answered the question of what I was going to do if I found Mr. Right on date number ___(fill in the blank). That will be next post with date number 2, which was the following day. I am not saying date number 2 was “Mr. Right,” I am just saying I will answer the question in that same blog post.

29 and counting down. Until tomorrow.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to blog. I have never considered doing it before because, well, I hate the word blog and my life was pretty boring, busy, but boring nonetheless. All of that changed when I got my crazy 30 dates idea. I am now using my iPhone calendar to help schedule my dates and I am starting to get used to the word blog after all. This idea came to fruition the weekend before last, although it was an idea in the making since July. I still wonder what in the heck (and if I cursed, that would have been a good time to do so) I am actually doing. I am also a little bit nervous about comments. I have read blogs before, mostly just ones that people share on facebook, but I always cringe when I read the comments, because people can be mean. I am nervous my intentions will not fully shine through and my sarcasm might offend people. I just do not have the time to re-explain myself after each blog post or defend myself from each nasty comment. So let’s just hope that is a problem I do not have to deal with.

A Little Background:

Those of you that really know me, know that I have not dated much. I could probably count on my hands the number of guys I have gone out with and half of those, I wasn’t sure if it was really a date or not. I would say I have averaged less than 2 dates a year since moving to South Carolina. I could blame a lot of factors for this. One, I didn’t really want to go out with the graying 45 year old car mechanic that asked me out my first year down here, mind you I was a lot further from 30 at the time. And two, I didn’t want to go out with the 55 year old with a cane (although to give him some credit, he told me it was because he had just had surgery, what do they say down here?, bless his heart!) who I met at the library, that asked me to go see a movie after I helped him up from getting a book from the bottom shelf. You don’t even want to know about three and four.

But in all seriousness, while the above two incidents were very real, the main reason is because I just didn’t meet men very often. And sometimes, when I actually did, I put way too much pressure on myself in regards to the first date. I was on my guard the whole time, I was nervous that if I flirted, it meant I wanted to marry him. I was scared that if I didn’t laugh at his jokes, he would think I didn’t have a good sense of humor, but if I did laugh, he would think he was funny. I was apprehensive about what I shared with him, yet asked him a lot of questions to see whether our entire belief system seemed to align. Then there were times that just after two dates, I had to have, what I call a “break up conversation” with him, even though we never started a relationship to begin with. Whew, I am worn out just thinking about it all again.

Then there were the guys that just didn’t seem to notice me, he didn’t notice my smile and inner workings of my mind, silently begging him to ask me out. Wait, what? Guys can’t read our minds?! There were a few other “hang out” times, when I hoped I would get a call for another date, but it just didn’t happen. Needless to say, dating just wasn’t my thang, folks.

So enter my idea and here we are. When I was telling my best friend of my idea, she asked me the time frame. I told her, that 30 dates BEFORE turning 30 sounded pretty catchy, which then led me to calculate that I would need about 5 dates in a month. She looked at me and busted out laughing. 2 dates a year to 5 dates a month, I could feel a brand new woman slowly approaching.

Obviously, in order to get 30 dates in less than seven months, I needed to join a dating website. I cannot believe that I have spent the past few years singing the tune, “Where have all the single guys gone?” when quite frankly, I now know they are all on eharmony. I set up an account and arrived home to spend two hours of my night responding to messages. For some reason these past few weeks, I have completely forgotten what GRAD school homework looks like. And this blog sure is not helping with that amnesia. Now would be a great time to mention that I am telling these guys about my little 30 dates plan.

This is part of my profile:

“Okay so here is the deal…By nature I am not a very adventurous person, but since I am turning 30 soon I figured now is the time to try something out of my comfort zone. Some people climb mountains, run marathons or go swimming with the sharks. Me on the other hand, decided I will go on 30 dates before my 30th birthday. I spent my 20s focused on my job and ministry and did not date often. So now is the time. Are you willing to be one of my 30? Or am I crazy?”

So there you have it. 30 dates before 30. It all began with date number 1 this past Saturday. I will share more about these dates the next blog post, cross my fingers, tomorrow, because then I have two more scheduled this weekend and I can’t get behind on updating everyone. Just don’t tell my GRAD school professors. I already have learned quite a bit. About men. About myself. And about dating in general. So more to come on all of that as well.

When I write about my dates, I will just share some details about the date and about what I am learning along the way instead of my inner most feelings and thoughts towards the guy. I want to try my absolute hardest to portray these guys in a positive light. They are so sweet to be willing to take me out, all while knowing that I will be planning different dates, with different guys, for the next 6 months. You may ask, “So how will we know if you meet, Mr. Right?” And basically, what you have to remember is, if that is the case, I will scream it from the rooftops – so don’t you worry.

I will also answer the question, “So what happens if you meet someone you really like on date number, say 7, will you still go out with 23 more guys after that?” However, now is the time to end my very first blog post. I kinda feel like patting myself on the back. I read somewhere, or maybe this is just my own wisdom in my head (sometimes I get those two confused), but after blog posts get to be a certain length, people quit reading. I am neglecting some eharmony mail right now to be writing this, so I can’t afford to have people quit reading. Seriously though, thanks for your curiosity. Thanks for caring. Thanks for your support. It means the world to me and I just began this journey.

30 and counting down. Until tomorrow.