Date 29 has some back story to it and a lot of it had to do with my own mother’s planning. Therefore, I asked her if she would be willing to write an introduction to my date 29 blog post. However, you will soon find out where I got the gene of “writing with probably way too much detail” from. I asked her to write a little “intro” and it turned in to a blog post in and of itself.

So here you are, a word…or words from my dear mom.

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It is Sunday, March 29^th when I am writing this, and my heart is still warm from all of the activities that have taken place the past 24 hours as we celebrated my daughter’s 30^th birthday. But before I jump the gun too much I need to go back a little when all the planning for this weekend began. I believe it was somewhere the end of January when I began envisioning what I wanted for her upcoming birthday. She was turning 30 and it was a big milestone; I wanted it to be an extra special celebration. So, mom put on her thinking cap and tried to come up with a good solid plan that would guarantee this.  

First of all, my daughter and I are quite opposites.   I am an extrovert while she is an introvert. While my theme song for life leans toward “Let’s get the party started!”, hers would be a little more subdued like “Girls just want to have fun”. We both like to have a good time, but a good time for the two of us can be quite different. While I think more in terms as the more the merrier, she considers quality over quantity. Therefore, while others like me would go for the big blow-up party for their 30^th birthday, I knew that would not fit for who she is. My husband and I did have the big surprise parties for her in the past while she was growing up, but things are different nowadays. She is more reserved now as an adult and tends to find more joy with the simple things in life, than the extravagant things.   I thought a small intimate party would be perfect, so I began thinking of who I could invite to this simple get-together in honor of her upcoming birthday.  

Every time someone came to my mind there was a stumbling block that I knew would prevent them from coming to a party for her. For instance, one of her close friend’s was having surgery a few days before her birthday, so she could not come. Another friend of hers is now living overseas where she is on an adventure of a lifetime with her husband; she certainly could not entertain the idea of dropping by. Then there is her friend in Texas, along with her many close friends in our hometown—all of them with husbands and kiddos and living lives so far away from where we live now. Then I got an “aha” moment. You know those moments when something pops in your head and you wonder, “where did that come from?’ Well, that is exactly what I thought when a close single male friend of hers came to my mind. But there was a huge problem that could also prevent him from coming—he lived more than 2700 miles away.  

Nathan had moved to California over 5 years ago but somehow he and my daughter have always stayed in touch. I thought it was crazy that Nathan came to my mind, but I have thought of crazier things then that; so I decided to move forward with the thought of seeing if Nathan by some chance could come to help us celebrate our daughter’s special birthday.

I picked up my cell phone one night and decided to call him, even though I was not sure if I still had the right number. Then I heard his voicemail:   “Hey this is Nate, leave me a message.” Just hearing his voice made me smile.  There is something about this kid that just makes me laugh. I don’t know why, he just does. I then began to leave a message which probably sounded absolutely ridiculous to him. This is what I said:  “Hey Nate, this is Mrs. C (a name that he has called me since the first time we met) and I had to call you to ask you a HUGE favor. I want to have a small intimate party for my daughter’s 30th birthday and I cannot help but think of the friendship that you and her hold and how much it would mean to her if you were there. So, I know this is a lot to ask of you, but please Nathan pray about it before you respond to my invitation. Okay, nice to hear your voice and let me know what you are thinking after you have prayed.”

Now let me tell you a little about Nathan. He and my daughter met when she was 16 and he was 17 when they both were involved in our church’s youth group. Even though they were a part of this youth group for a while, it was not until both of them attended an out-of-town event where they first noticed one another. My daughter came home from that event with a report that she had just met a very cute guy. Nathan in hand told his mother that he had just encountered a very HOT girl. Thus, the relationship between a very cute guy and very hot girl began.

I have to be honest with you; I really thought these two were going to end up dating at one point. In fact, I wanted to see that happen.   I loved Nathan and loved his parents. Since all of us attended the same church I thought it would be an ideal situation. They began hanging out together more and more and they even went to Nathan’s senior prom as a couple. But their fledging relationship never blossomed beyond friendship. I was saddened about it at the time, but now I understand that my daughter’s heart was not ready for a boyfriend.

Years later, I have to say that I am glad that they never became boyfriend and girlfriend because statistics prove that once you date someone and then you break up, you have a very hard time ending up being friends. Their potential dating could have jeopardized the awesome and amazing friendship that they now hold. God brought them together to be forever friends, and not fleeting foes. It truly is amazing to have watched their friendship grow over the years. 

Here is a picture of them shortly after he moved to California.

Nathan has had a few serious relationships over the years, while as we all know now, my daughter has had none. But that did not keep Nathan from confiding in her about his dating experiences. He seemed comfortable sharing his many thoughts, and sometimes he would turn to her for advice. Because of this kind of friendship that they share, Nathan was one of the first people my daughter went to for an opinion about her “30 dates before 30” idea. She wanted to get a male’s perspective. Nathan encouraged her to go for it, and then he added, “I would love to be one of your dates.” I was not aware of this conversation until Nathan and I recently talked. That is when we decided if he could come, he would have to be date #29!

Then, one afternoon I got a text from Nathan and he said he was coming! His plan was to arrive on Friday morning and leave on Sunday afternoon.   This timetable would allow them to have a date on Friday, and then we could have her party on Saturday. That way, she and Mr. KJWTS could have the final 30th date on her actual birthday.   We also decided to keep Nathan’s potential visit a secret, and let her be surprised by her friend’s generous gesture to fly out for her birthday celebration.  It was very exciting how everything was coming together. But wait…there was someone else I had to check in with. That someone else was none other than Mr. KJWTS!

Since Mr. KJWTS has been moving in on my daughter’s heart I knew that he needed to play a key role in how we observed her birthday. I needed to fill him in on everything, especially since there would be another date involved that would not be with him. It was crucial for me to talk to him.  

Luckily I had been given his phone number in case of emergency. Her phone went dead one time while they were together, so I mentioned it would be good to have his number as a backup. She obliged, so I added Mr. KJWTS to my contacts that day.  

I don’t remember what day it was when I first texted Mr. KJWTS, but I remember feeling a little nervous as I typed out: Hey Mr. KJWTS (I really used his real name), this is my daughter’s (I really used her real name) mom and she gave me your number in case of an emergency. I want to let you know that there is no emergency, but I need to speak to you about her birthday. Can you call me today at your convenience?

Mr. KJWTS then proceeded to call me later that afternoon. Now let me explain something here just so you can understand my heart as a mother of a daughter who has not dated much.  This felt really weird to me that I had to check in with a man about plans regarding my daughter. I mean really really weird. Not because I was talking to a guy who was interested in my daughter, but because I had to somehow make sure that he was all right with the plans that I came up with. For after all, I never felt like I had to do this with any guy in the past; for up to this point there was never anyone as close as this fellow has gotten. I knew that her heart was growing fonder of him, so I did not want to do anything that could jeopardize that.  

When Mr. KJWTS called me, he sounded so pleasant and sweet. I thanked him for calling me, and then proceeded to lay out the plans that I had. Instantly, he came on board with everything. He then gave me some information that I did not originally have, which was that my daughter would be getting home quite late from work the Friday that Nathan was to arrive. He said, “Let me handle this, and see if I can talk her into taking the entire day off.” Wow, was I impressed! He not only was all right with the whole idea of Nathan being one of her dates, but he wanted to help see it happen. I thought to myself, “This guy is really something!” I knew I liked Mr. KJWTS before this conversation, but hearing how selfless he was added to the way I felt about him. Now, I not only liked the man, but he just gained a whole new respect from me. We were on our way to make sure that she had the best birthday celebration ever.

Then on Friday morning at 2:38 am, the day all of the festivities were to begin, I was suddenly awoken by the sound of a text coming in. I picked up my phone that was lying on my night stand next to me and tried to read the text through my half awakened eyes. Here is what it said: “Hey Mrs. C. this is Nathan! Bad news. I missed my flight. Will keep you posted!”

Unbeknownst to my daughter her date #29 was now hanging in the air!

He Likes Me. He Likes Me Not.

At the end of Date 27, Mr. Knows Just What To Say and I decided that we wouldn’t see each other that next weekend. Okay, well, he decided that. I didn’t have any plans, but he did. We had already had several dates back to back each weekend, so it was probably time for a “break” anyway. However, for some unknown reason during that next week, something changed in me a bit. I became a bit of the insecure girl in a relationship and I didn’t like it one bit. I didn’t recognize that girl. My freak out meter re-appeared for the first time in 2015 but in a way that I wasn’t familiar with. I started having these feelings of uncertainty of how Mr. KJWTS felt about me. I am not sure where it came from, maybe it had to do with the fact that we had spent almost every weekend together for an entire month and now a weekend would pass without seeing him. Maybe it was because his weeks were busy and he would text later and later then when we first met. And in my head we didn’t seem to be able to sustain a conversation for very long through texting anymore – although I do blame myself for that one because I was pretty much ready for bed by 9:30 every night cough cough, okay, 9.

I wasn’t sure how to handle these feelings of doubt within me. I pride myself on being a good communicator, but I didn’t want to come across as the needy girl and come right out and ask him what he was presently feeling towards me. Were his feelings growing stronger? Or were they weakening? That lack of knowing, was the root of my insecurity. He wasn’t doing anything wrong and I can almost guarantee you that he didn’t feel any change. Even though I knew that, there was still a longing in me to have him say that he liked me still. He hadn’t acted any differently on date 27 and even though we haven’t officially kissed, his physical touch was still often and consistent with grabbing my hand, touching my knee in the car, kissing my forehead and cheeks and things like that. So I wasn’t feeling this way because of the absence of physical touch. But then as I was thinking about it (which is probably the problem right there, I was dwelling too much on it), I thought back to my love language of words of affirmation.

I feel loved by hearing words and I began to try and remember when the last time was that he told me that he liked me.

I know you are thinking I am crazy, because looking back on all my dates with Mr. KJWTS, it seems evident that he likes me. He brought me cheese on date 26 for goodness sakes.

But I had to ask.

Well in a way that a girl would ask, I guess. A round about way.

Mid-week, after a lull in our texting conversation, I asked him if I had done anything to cause any unsettling feelings for him. I thought maybe I hadn’t been supportive enough during his bad days at work or maybe I didn’t text him first enough. Or maybe he was tired of seeing me so many weekends in a row. And now typing those things, I feel foolish, I doubt he thought any of those things. I realize girls think too much and make things up in their head, that the guy has no idea is going on.

His response was “No, you haven’t done anything to change the way I feel about you. I am still excited to get to know you better, spend more time growing together and having new experiences together. Each day I spend with you, makes me want to spend another 10 with you. I really love this process of getting to know you.”

Cute, huh?

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that then. My freak out meter was just a bit too high causing me to not see reality. So I interpreted it as “Well, I am not sure I like you yet, so I want to get to know you a bit more and see.”

I couldn’t tell him that though, then I would really seem like I had gone off the deep end or something. I think I texted him back and said, “Sorry for making you explain yourself, I am not sure what my deal is.” He told me I probably just missed him and then later told me I should probably just go to bed and stop thinking so much. I agreed, typed out a small goodnight message, and did just that.

The next morning, on the way to work, I began to wonder if maybe I was starting to like him more than he liked me. Back when we first started going out on dates, I couldn’t really explain my feelings to him because I was a still a bit unsure of them. I remembered him saying that it was probably good that he was a bit “ahead,” so he could lead me. But I began to wonder, was he still ahead? I began imagining the possibility of him not really liking me anymore and my heart hurting because I had finally found a guy that I wanted to date. So should I “back away?” Or was this just all in my head and backing away would only cause confusion? I have a feeling that many fights in relationships just might have to do with the woman making things up in her head and assuming that the man should know what is going on.

I immediately knew that I needed to stop talking to myself in my head and begin talking to my Heavenly Father. I prayed that my anxious mind would settle down and that I would stop believing any lies that were being thrown around in my head. I asked Got to lead me, so that I could be in this relationship in the healthiest way possible – knowing when to communicate and when to keep my mouth shut. I then slipped in one of my favorite worship CDs and soon the song It Is Well began to fill my car, filling my heart and soul soon after.

The lyrics begin like this:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

I knew that I was making up a sorrowful situation and that I wasn’t even in that situation yet, but as I listened to those lyrics, I knew that it didn’t matter what happened. If Mr. KJWTS eventually told me he wasn’t “feeling” it anymore, I could move on.

It would be well with my soul.

And the reason I believe that, is because I have devoted our relationship to the Lord from the very first date that we went on. If things don’t work out with Mr. KJWTS and me, it will be because God’s plan was for it to not work out. As long as we keep seeking God first, there is nothing I can do, nothing Mr. KJWTS can do, to stop God’s plan for our lives – whether that means we are to be together or we are to be apart.

After that morning in my car, after I played that song about 5 times, I felt peace surround me and have not had those anxious feelings since. It was okay to like a man, it was okay to slowly start opening up my heart to him, but it was not okay to keep imagining the worst and to let the things he said and the things he didn’t say dictate my emotions so much so that I became anxious about it.

With my new emotional balance I spent the weekend relaxing, hanging out with my dad and getting some things done that I had been putting off. It was a good weekend, even with no date.

After another week went by, it was time for the weekend again and it was now Date 28, the 14th date with Mr. KJWTS. On Saturday, I showered soon after getting up, put on some comfortable clothes and just a tiny bit of make-up and was ready to start my day with him. It was a beautiful day outside and so we started our date sitting outside on my swing. From there, we decided to make a trip to the lake. We bought some boiled peanuts beforehand and Mr. KJWTS grabbed some towels from his car. We spent the next hour sitting on the towels, eating boiled peanuts and looking out at the glistening lake in gorgeous 80 degree weather.

It was a good day.

Afterwards the plan was to head back to my house to get ready for dinner. We were meeting one of my best friends and her husband at a restaurant to celebrate my birthday a bit early. I am one of those people that like to celebrate my birthday a whole month long.

After curling my hair, applying my make-up and changing into a black sundress, I walked out of my bedroom and Mr. KJWTS came over to give me a hug and kiss the side of my face, telling me that I looked stunning.

We left shortly after to meet up with my friends, Kristie and Nick, at the restaurant. Kristie is actually one of the first people that I shared my idea of 30 dates before 30 with. If she would have thought my idea was stupid, I might not be sitting here writing about date 28 at this very moment. But just like always, she was one of my biggest encouragers. I left her that day, feeling like I could take on the world and thus my 30 dates began shortly after. I try to visit their family often and so they are always allowing me to eat dinner with them at their house. Each time, Nick does a wonderful job of listening to my stories about Mr. KJWTS, pretending that he cares a little and I appreciate that. I felt super blessed when they said they wanted to take me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday, got a babysitter for their kids, bought both of our dinners and had a gift waiting for me at the table. They are one of the nicest and sweetest couples I have ever met and so Mr. KJWTS was able to interact with them very easily.

After dinner, Nick suggested we go to a nearby frozen yogurt place. He got coffee, the rest of us got some frozen yogurt and we spent over an hour playing four games of Uno.

We left shortly after the fourth game. When we got back to my house, Mr. KJWTS asked about my most recent blog posts. I have been reading them to him each date, but we were two behind. So I read him the posts from date 26 and date 27. After I was finished he smiled and came close to my face for a kiss, missing my lips only by a centimeter. Throughout all the posts, it is evident that I like him, so I began to wonder what he was thinking in return. I told him, “I wish you could write a blog post, so I could hear your thoughts.” He said, “Yeah, I understand what you mean, it is nice hearing what means a lot to you from our dates.” I expected him to expound on that but he didn’t.

A few minutes later, as I was remembering “It Is Well With My Soul,” I asked him, “So does hearing those blog posts make you happy or does it kind of freak you out, knowing that I like you?” He told me that it made him happy and I think I might have asked a follow up question, but I can’t remember what it was. He began saying that in the past, when he dated girls, he would try and map out their future too quickly and then it never ended up working out. He said, “with you, I have just been taking it a date at a time while you were doing the 30 dates and I can’t tell you what our future holds…” and then I cut him off. I told him that is not what I needed. I didn’t need for him to predict the future and I didn’t expect him to say that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. I told him, “I just want to know if you like me.” He looked at me and smiled and said, “Oh! I like you.” And then he leaned in for another “non-kiss” pretty close to my mouth. Then he leaned back and said, “A lot.”

“That’s all I need to know,” I said and I smiled back.

I had the question answered that I was wondering about for two weeks now. I basically just had to come out and ask. And women, that is probably what a man wants. Are you wondering something? They aren’t going to be able to read your minds. I know that I have joked about Mr. KJWTS being able to know my thoughts and I have obviously given him this nickname for a reason, because he is good with words. But no human being will ever know what to say at the perfect time. Mr. KJWTS needed me to ask. I needed me to ask. So things are moving forward.

The journey continues…

Oh, and he likes me.

2 dates and counting down.

Mr. Knows Just What To Say (you knew this post would be about him again, didn’t you?) and I both have March birthdays. Mine is at the end of the month – not like I needed to remind anyone, I have been counting down since September – and his was last weekend. I am particularly fond of birthdays, however, Mr. KJWTS said he didn’t really look forward to his. It might have to do with our age difference and the fact that he is now closer to 40 than 30. Regardless of how excited he was, I had to figure out his plans. Did he want to spend his birthday with me? Or did his family get together? Did he want to go out with his friends? I still wasn’t sure I knew him well enough to predict what he wanted.

So on our date 11, I asked him what he normally did for his birthday. He said his niece’s birthday was the same day and so sometimes his family would get together to celebrate. I nodded and our date 11 ended shortly after. Then on our date 12, his birthday was brought back up again, probably by me because I am a planner, although he seems to be one too, since he told me he was already planning something for my birthday weekend. I asked him if he had plans with his family yet and he said he didn’t. I then told him I would drive to him for his birthday, if that was what he wanted. He said that sounded good, although I felt a bit self-conscious and felt like I just invited myself. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t alone for his birthday.

The plan was set and I spent the next week trying to figure out a birthday present. He has told me multiple times that I don’t need to get him anything, like for Christmas and just in general. Therefore I knew that he wasn’t expecting a birthday gift, but of course, I wanted to get him one anyway. A few days went by and I got an email from a ticket sales website with reminders about new events and venues. The email was an advertisement for a pre-sale for a particular comedy show and it just happened to be one of Mr. KJWTS’ favorite comedians! He had shown me some youtube videos of him on a previous date. I looked closer and got even more excited when I saw that the event was going to be held in Mr. KJWTS’ city! I knew this was my answer for his birthday present, even though I would be spending much more than planned. He was worth it though and I hoped that these tickets would make him feel special. The only down side was that the event was not until August. The optimistic side of me, hoped we would still be together. I took a deep breath, a bit shocked that I actually desired to still be with him in August, and I bought two tickets, one for him and one for me.

A few days before our 13th date, we were texting back and forth after an overwhelming day on my end. He said, “hopefully I can help you recharge/relax this weekend.” I asked him if he still wanted me to come and he responded with, “Uhhh, yeah, ABSOLUTELY! Why would I not?” I told him, “I just needed to hear you say it.” I needed to make sure that even though I felt like I might have invited myself, that he really did want to spend his birthday with me.

Right before this date, I went and got my highlights re-touched. I decided to liven things up a bit and add some pink streaks in my hair. I have done this once before and I loved it. My mom is not particularly fond of the style, but I have already received several compliments. It only lasts a few weeks and it’s nothing too extreme, but Zena (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Zena-Salon/191894064153945), my hair stylist, always knows exactly what I want – classy but with a little edge.

While I was getting my hair done, I inquired about where to buy a small cake or cupcake to take with me. Zena asked if it was someone’s birthday. I said yes and my mouth stayed open to explain whose birthday it was, but I began stumbling over my words. “It is a guy…I have been seeing…well, I mean…dating…I mean, I feel weird calling him my boyfriend, but he kinda is, I think..,.” and then I just told her the whole story. She found it pretty interesting and said she would be interested in reading about it. As I sat under the dryer, I sent her this blog link. Which brings me to say this, thank you to every person that has encouraged me throughout this whole process and taken the time to read these blog posts. Your comments, messages, prayers, and texts mean the world to me. And I feel like this whole experience has been much more enjoyable, taking you all along with me.

I left the salon feeling much prettier with some fresh highlights, ran a few more errands, changed into some pink pants to match my newly pink hair streaks and then was ready to set off to hang out with…my boyfri…the man that has captured my attention since September. I might not exactly know what title to give him, but I do know that I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my weekend with anyone else.

Here I am on the way, taking a selfie at a stop sign in my neighborhood, because I always forget to take a picture prior to my dates with Mr. KJWTS lately.

When I arrived, he greeted me at the door and I immediately told him happy birthday. I gave him a cupcake and a birthday card and left his present in my car for later. He told me he liked my hair. I don’t know if he noticed a difference or he was just saying that out of obligation because he knew I was getting it done that day. After turning on a light, he noticed the pink and said he didn’t see that at first, but he really liked it. We began discussing our plans for the day and since it was great weather, he decided to show me around the campus of where he attended college.

There was a walking trail right off the campus, so we spent the next couple of hours walking there. At one point, he reached over and touched my hair and said how much he liked the pink streaks. He said, “It makes you a little bit punk.” I laughed. After awhile, both of us were getting pretty warm, I had not worn the appropriate walking shoes or clothing and I was getting hungry. So our walk ended shortly after that and we drove to Qdoba to eat. Halfway through line, I realized that I left my purse in the car and that I was the only one eating, so I felt really badly about assuming he would be paying. I said something to him about it and he said that he didn’t mind paying for me, but I still felt a bit awkward. We went outside to sit and I cut him part of the burrito to eat.

After we ate, we weren’t quite ready to go home and back indoors, so he took me to a small park right off a lake. Sitting there I thought back to his text from earlier in the week about helping me recharge. Sitting on the bench, with my feet over his lap and his arm around me, relaxed is exactly how I felt. He has told me multiple times that he enjoys being around me because it is just “easy.” And I agree with him. My weeks are usually crazy and in the past, I would spend the majority of my weekends by myself, trying to recoup and rejuvenate before it started all over again on Monday. But when being with someone is so easy, it is refreshing. I always leave my time with him feeling re-energized. Being an introvert, someone who gains energy by being alone, I was surprised that this was the case time and time again. There had been instances where I used to think that maybe my personality meant I wouldn’t get married one day – maybe that is why I hadn’t found anyone to date in over a decade. But now I know otherwise. When you find someone who is easy to be around, marriage seems like much more of a reality.

When we got back to his house, I went to my car and brought in his birthday present. He said, “You didn’t need to get me anything,” and I smiled and said, “I know.” I had wrapped the printed tickets in a box and after he opened them, he seemed very surprised and grateful. I told him about the show not being until August and that if we were still together, I would go with him. Then I said, “But if for some reason, we aren’t, I am giving you both the tickets right now and you can take someone else.” He laughed and I secretly hoped again that we would still be together, because if we weren’t, I am not sure he would want to take another girl to a show with tickets that his old girlfriend a girl he used to go on dates with had bought him. And I really didn’t want those tickets to be wasted.

He thanked me for the gift and then leaned over to kiss my cheek. I told him that since it was his birthday, he had to choose where we ate for dinner that night. After thinking a bit, he told me he would rather just avoid the wait and stay in and suggested maybe we go pick something up. I suggested pizza and he thought that was a great idea.

After picking up the pizza, we got back to his house and watched a movie while we ate. At some point, dancing was brought up and he made some sort of remark that made it seem like he didn’t dance often or that he wasn’t sure he remembered how. I had thought the same thing when I was at the Father/Daughter dance a month ago. I smiled and he said, “Come here for a second, let’s see if we know how.” He pulled me to my feet and I instructed him where to put his hands, although I think he already knew. We went back and forth for awhile and I said that we needed music, thinking it might be more romantic with that. He said, “Well I can just sing,” and then out of all of the songs he could have started singing he started with, “Bow Chicka Wow Wow…” I literally threw my head back and laughed and said that was not what I had in mind. So he started singing some other song, which I can’t even remember now. It lasted like 2 seconds and then we laughed and sat back down again. One thing I noticed on this date was that we laughed at each other quite a bit. There were many times I would make a joke or say something sarcastic and he would really laugh hard, which would get me laughing. I can’t even remember what I would say to him, I just remember the joy I felt when he would laugh at me. My dad always told me I was a funny person, but I thought that was just because he was my dad.

The night ended shortly after, especially because the time change was not in our favor this time. We had been together when the time changed in the fall as well and I mentioned that to him. We reminisced about that date and then I also brought up the fact that we have spent several holidays together. We had been together over Thanksgiving break and then Christmas break as well. We were together for New Years, Valentine’s Day and now his birthday. We also have plans to spend my birthday weekend together. However, there is one more weekend in between that, which is a good thing because I need to get in three more dates.

I guess spending the major holidays with each other is what people in relationships do. And maybe one day I might even feel comfortable calling him my boyfriend, even if it takes until August.

3 dates and counting down.

Date 26 was with Mr. Knows Just What To Say, it took place last weekend. However, because of a very busy week, I have not had the chance to write about it.

So it was now our 12th date together, but not only that, it was the 3rd weekend in a row that we saw each other. “Remember when we used to go more than 20 days in between seeing each other?” he asked this time. “Yes,” I said, “I can’t imagine doing that now. I could handle it then because that was before I liked you this much.” He smiled. I remember watching my friends date and wondering why in the heck they wanted to spend every weekend with their boyfriend. I would wonder, “Don’t you need a break after awhile?” or maybe I did actually ask them that out loud. I distinctively remember talking to one of my best guy friends from high school this past summer about how often he talked with his out of town girlfriend, now fiancé. “You talk with her every single day!?” He smiled and nodded. Now I know why he smiled. Mr. KJWTS and I have texted every single day since the very first text was sent, even before our first date. I didn’t know I could find a man that I didn’t get tired of being with after awhile. Sounds horrible to actually type, but it was true. I really thought after about 5 or so dates with Mr. KJWTS, I would be ready to move on. But that never happened. I guess that is what happens when you actually find someone you want to date. Hmmm who knew?!

Back in September when I first met Mr. KJWTS, there was something special about him, something that caught my attention, which is the reason that I agreed to a second date with him in October. However, I would never have guessed that I would have wanted to see him three weekends in a row – now that is a bit crazy. And not only that, but I miss him in between weekends. I look forward to the weekends way more now and get very excited leaving school on Friday evenings. The only bad thing is, it makes the weekend ending that much more dreadful. The weekends go by much quicker and the Sunday night pit in the stomach has just multiplied by two.

The cute thing is, he feels it too. It was Saturday night and Mr. KJWTS said, “I am already dreading tomorrow because I will have to leave and it feels like I just got here.” He had just gotten here. My Friday evening was spent mostly at school as I led a club until 5:00 and then spent another two hours creating some lessons for the following Monday. At 7:00, I was not finished, but left anyway because it was time to get the weekend started and I knew I had to go grocery shopping to get some food in my house. We knew that I would be getting home later than normal that night, so his plan was to come on Saturday. “What is the earliest you would want me to come?” he asked the day before. I answered him with around noon. So I was expecting him for lunch. Friday night, while I was shopping, I picked up some lunch meat and bread for sandwiches and then bought a few ingredients for dinner meals, just in case we stayed in and cooked this weekend. When I was at his house a few dates back, he had some particular cheese slices that I loved. I looked for it in the particular section and could not find it. This was the second grocery store I had looked in throughout the past few weeks. Oh well, I bought another kind instead, drove home, unloaded the groceries and went to bed ready for Saturday to begin,

It was 11:45 am on Saturday and Mr. KJWTS texted and said he was almost at my house. He asked if he should just drive around until noon and I answered him with “of course not!” It was considerate of him to ask though. I had told him noon and he was going to make sure he listened. He always takes the things I say into consideration. Not only does he know what to say most of the time, but he knows how to listen. And this is a relief after spending days with middle schoolers who don’t always have the same skill.

When he arrived, he handed me a grocery bag and said he came bearing gifts. When I looked inside the grocery bag, it was the cheese that I had just been looking for the night before at the grocery store. See what I mean when I say there has to be a little messenger letting him in on my inner workings and thoughts going on in my head. I haven’t thought of any other explanation.

I made some sandwiches for lunch and then we talked about what we were going to do for the day. My days revolve around my meals, so even though we hadn’t even finished lunch yet, I brought up the topic of dinner. We went back and forth on whether to cook dinner at home or go out.  After deciding to go to a movie after cooking dinner at home, I put some meat in the crock pot and realized I forgot an ingredient at the store. When I told him I was going to run to the store, he said he would come with me and we took his car instead. A task of running to the store when I had just been there the night before would have seemed daunting and a waste of time in any other circumstance, but it wasn’t so bad now that Mr. KJWTS was by my side. On the way there, we changed our plans and decided that it made more sense to go out to dinner before the movie, so we wouldn’t be rushed cooking at home. We had been trying to make it to a movie several times before, so we didn’t want anything to stand in our way this time. So I saved the crockpot dinner for Sunday instead.

The night ended up being a fun little date night for us with dinner and a movie. Sometime that evening, he kissed the side of my face and then kissed me again closer to my lips. The closer he would get to my lips, the more I felt I would tense up. Not because I wasn’t ready to kiss him, just because it was a big deal to me. After another kiss, pretty darn close to my lips, he backed away a little bit and looked at me and said, “I want to kiss you so badly, but you are so close to turning 30, I think we should wait.” He went on to say that I had waited 29 years to kiss, so he thought it would be cool for me to say that I waited until the age of 30. I appreciated that his decision was because he was thinking about me, even though I hadn’t set a specific time myself about when it would be the right time for us to kiss. I liked that he decided for us. Afterwards he dropped me back off at my house and after another close to the lips kiss, he headed to the hotel for the night and I went to bed feeling happy and very respected.

I understand that kissing versus not kissing is not what determines respect in a relationship. Well I mean, I guess it can – but not always. I am not saying that if we kissed on our first couple of dates, that would have meant he didn’t respect me. I realize that the length of time you wait to kiss does not equate to the amount of respect one has for the other. However, his decision to think about me before his own desires, is what made me feel so very respected. His self control was admirable. He let me know that he did in fact desire to kiss me and he lets me know often that he thinks I am beautiful. Therefore I don’t have to wonder if our lack of kissing means that he is not attracted to me. He makes it clear that he is. Every single night our texting conversations end with “Good Night Beautiful.” A woman needs to know that the man she is with thinks she is beautiful and she needs to hear that often. So not only does he make me feel beautiful, but he makes me feel respected. Now do you know why I wanted to see him three weekends in a row?

The next morning he came back over for breakfast and then we went to church together. Later that evening, I warmed up the meat in the oven from the crock pot the day before and then prepared the rest of the meal. He would come into the kitchen and stop my flow every once and awhile to wrap his arms around me as I would go from the stove to the fridge to the sink. He would laugh and tell me that he enjoys annoying me like that. I would look at him and smile, thinking that if it would have been any other person, he would have been right, I would have been annoyed. But because it was him, I didn’t feel the least bit annoyed. I don’t think I told him that though, instead I just kept right on cooking.

After dinner we decided he would leave by 8pm, so he could get home at a decent time for a Sunday night. At 7:50, I looked at him and asked him to stay until 8:30. He agreed and we spent the last 40 minutes on the couch watching TV together and setting plans to see each other the next weekend as well. This would be 4 weekends in a row, in case I needed to remind anyone. And then around 8:30, we both groaned and he got up to leave.

Only 4 more dates and counting down. I cannot believe it. This weekend is date 27 and I am hoping for a less hectic week to be able to blog about it before next weekend actually gets here.

You can tell a lot about a person by his/her friends. One of my-coworkers recently had a quote on her classroom door that said, “Show me your friends, I’ll show you your future.” That is especially true in middle school and high school because young adults are influenced greatly by their peers. However, I also realized that it is true in your 30s as well. And maybe even for the rest of your life? You can tell a lot about a person by the people they choose to hang out with.

This weekend I met Mr. Knows Just What To Say‘s friends. So even though we had less than 3 minutes of alone time total this weekend, I am counting this as my 11th date with him, the 25th date overall. I think it really helped me get to know him better.

I had been wanting my best friend to hang out with Mr. KJWTS for some time now. I had recently read a blog post titled, “Waiting for a Christ-Built Man,” which was written by Leslie Ludy, a well known Christian author who often writes about relationships. Here is what she said,

…Recruit some “teammates” who can observe him along with you.  If you are willing to humble yourself and submit to their wisdom, God can work through them to give you caution or assurance as you decide whether to move forward in a relationship.

http://setapartgirl.com/leslie-ludy/blog/02-17-15/waiting-christ-built-man

She mainly talks about using your parents, but really it can be anyone who knows you well and wants the best for you – someone who you respect and know will state the honest truth.

I realize that I should be careful whose opinions I am letting influence me and my decisions, because in the end it is important to just follow the Lord’s leading. Notice I didn’t say it was important to follow my own heart. That could be dangerous. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things.” I know that society tells us to follow our hearts or to go with our gut instincts and therefore I am going against what is the norm. Those clichés are used almost every single episode in The Bachelor and in most movies that come out of Hollywood. And we all know how those relationships turn out – both from The Bachelor and in Hollywood. I have a feeling that following our hearts have led us to a 50 percent divorce rate, both inside and outside of the church. If I followed my heart (my feelings) in high school and the years after, I would have dated guys and possibly married one that would not have resulted in God’s best for me. If you want to follow a heart, follow God’s.

Finding someone to enter into a serious relationship with is a big deal, especially for me with going for so long without one. So in the midst of trying to figure out the Lord’s leading, why not get my best friend’s opinion as well? If someone truly has your best interest at heart, why not ask them what their thoughts are about the relationship? Many times, friends or family may notice some red flags that you are blind to in the beginning “butterfly” stages.

My best friend, of course, had heard all about Mr. KJWTS, but had only spent less than 30 minutes actually interacting with the guy. And hanging out with a person takes it to a new level. In the past whenever I liked a guy, my best friend knew him pretty well, but because of the circumstances and living almost two hours away from Mr. KJWTS, this situation was different than any before. I wanted them to get to know one another, since Mr. KJWTS had become a pretty important part of my life. And if I could introduce my best friend to a couple of Mr. KJWTS‘ single guy friends while I was at it, then why not get this party started?

So about a month ago, I mentioned this idea to Mr. KJWTS and we set a weekend for it. He made sure a couple of his friends were free that weekend and our plans were set in motion.

My best friend and I left our house around noon on Saturday. Shortly after arriving at Mr. KJWTS’ house, he took us to The Billy Graham Library. We all really enjoyed the next couple of hours walking from room to room learning about Billy Graham’s life and legacy and it was the perfect way for the three of us to spend the day together.

On our way home we stopped by the grocery store to pick up ingredients for dinner that night. As we were checking out, my best friend and I picked up a few things from the cart (or buggy as the Southerners would say) and told him that we could go in the next aisle over and pay for a few items ourselves. Without hesitation, Mr. KJWTS said, “No, it’s okay, I got it.” I immediately put the things that I grabbed back in the cart/buggy but my best friend looked at me with the items still in her hands and said, “I don’t know what to do.” I told her that if the man said he had it, he had it. “Put the things down and let him get it,” I whispered. We are just not used to people paying for us. We can credit that to the past decade of singleness.

After arriving back to the house, my best friend and I began preparing the meal and Mr. KJWTS’ friends started arriving shortly after. Altogether he invited four people. Two were a recently married couple and the other two were single guys. We spent the rest of the evening eating tacos, playing a game and getting to know one another. I was impressed with how easily they all held conversations with us. At one point, one of the guys asked me how I met Mr. KJWTS and at that almost exact moment my best friend walked up and changed the topic. I didn’t know if she had done that on purpose or if it was just a coincidence, but I breathed a sigh of relief and left the conversation, silently thanking her. I was unsure if Mr. KJWTS had told his friends how we met and I wasn’t sure if I should be the one to break that news. Later I asked him if his friends knew that eharmony introduced us and he said he thought he told most of them, but maybe not the one that asked me.

His friends began to leave sometime after 11. They initiated hugs goodbye and I watched them walk out the door. I was surprised at how intelligent and genuinely nice they all were. He had great friends.

After they left, Mr. KJWTS took my best friend and I to a nearby hotel, where we had already dropped off my car. He had bought us a room for the night, so we didn’t have to sacrifice staying on an air mattress in his office. My best friend was impressed. He bought all of the groceries and now a hotel room. He is very generous and made us feel very well taken care of all day long.

In the morning, I drove my car back to his house and we piled in his car to go to church. Usually when we are in the car, he will place his hand on my knee or grab my hand, but with my best friend in the backseat he refrained out of respect for her. I admired him for that. I had explained to him before what it felt like to be a single person in the midst of a dating couple that was constantly touching one another. It wasn’t always very fun on my end and many times it would leave my heart aching for the day that it would happen for me. It usually just reminded me that I was alone. He understood, he had many single years under his belt as well, so he knew what that felt like. However, he has dated way more than me, but then again, who hasn’t?!

This was our first time attending church together and it felt so good to be sitting next to a man who I had feelings for. When we stood up for worship, he placed his hand around my lower back and he was close enough that I could hear him singing. It’s always been such an attractive quality to see a Christian man that is not too timid or shy to worship Jesus through singing in a public setting. While we sat during the rest of the service, my coat covered my legs and his knee was touching mine. I placed my hand under my coat on his knee and he grabbed my hand with his. We hadn’t held hands all weekend and at that moment I got butterflies in my stomach. I remember thinking how happy and content I was at that moment, sitting in church, with my hand in his.

After church, Mr. KJWTS introduced me to the wife of one of his other friends. He had talked about this couple quite a bit because the husband had been very influential in Mr. KJWTS’ understanding of exactly who Jesus was over ten years ago. He told me that the wife was one of the sweetest people he has ever met. I told her I had heard a lot about her and she said, “I have heard a lot about you as well and meeting you today has literally made my day!”

We walked out of church with her and met her husband in the lobby. After a few minutes, we said our goodbyes and the wife came over to hug me and said that she would love to get together with me sometime. She was just as sweet and awesome as he described her to be.

Our after church plans consisted of eating brunch at the same couple’s apartment that had come over to his house the evening before. They cooked us an amazing brunch and we had such a good time listening to their love story.

After we left their apartment, Mr. KJWTS took us to the heart of the city where he works.

He showed us around the building, up on the 32nd floor, where he spends his week days. It was really neat seeing the city that high up. We walked around for a bit longer and then headed back to his house for some left-over tacos.

We left his house around 4 and began the two hour trek back home. On the way home, my best friend looked at me and said, “I really like him, I really do.” I don’t think she could have said anything better than that. I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face because I knew how genuine she was being. It felt so good to hear her say that. I was so grateful for her to spend the weekend with us.

As we drove home, I couldn’t help but wonder when I would get to see him again. We hadn’t talked about it while I was there. Later that night, I sent him an email thanking him again for his generosity and for giving us both a great weekend. I asked him when I was going to see him next and his response was, “Well, I could drive down to you next weekend if you want.”

Yes, Mr. KJWTS, that is what I want 🙂

What?! Three weekends In. A. Row. I am in trouble…

5 dates and counting down. Until this weekend.

A lot can change in one year’s time. Those who have experienced losses and new beginnings probably understand this the best. From Valentine’s Day 2014 to Valentine’s Day 2015, a lot has changed. I witnessed one of my best friends from high school get married to the love of his life (shout out to Craig – to see if he really reads these posts…), I have met the very prayed for sweet baby of another high school best friend (shout out to Katie – because we all know you read these…) and have experienced one of my greatest losses with the death of my grandma – someone who I never got the chance to tell about my 30 dates. She would have gotten such a kick out of it and would have probably loved reading these blog posts more than all my friends combined.

From 2/14/2014 to 2/14/2015, I have said goodbye to a school year loving my job with all my heart and said hello to another, where many days have ended with tears or the strong desire to stab my eyes out (this blog is about honesty, right?). I have finished another year of GRAD school (one more to go) and watched my parents finally settle in the south and renovate their new home.

Oh yeah, and…wait for it…

…I have finally met a man who has captured my interest enough to go on ten dates with….

But you already knew that.

A lot can happen in one year’s time.

Last year I spent Valentine’s Day with my parents (I think the year before that too… and quite possibly the year before that…). We had a snow day from school that day and I spent the day shopping with my mom. After shopping we picked up a box of pizza and started home to meet my dad. I remember feeling content and I even told my mom that I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else that night. Many singles dread the made-up holiday we call Valentine’s Day, because it reminds them of what they don’t have. But I was never like that and I happen to like the “holiday”. Plus I didn’t need February 14th to make me feel lonely, I felt that on most weekends.

So as I sat there eating pizza and watching a movie with my parents, I felt content. I honestly wasn’t even sure how it felt to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a man anyway. My dad had always taken it upon himself to be my Valentine and he has certainly sent his share of flowers to my work over the years. That always made me feel special, even the year of the 1-800-flowers faux pas. Just a small disclaimer to never use that company, I mean never ever. My eyes are beginning to twitch right now just thinking back on that incident. I almost dislike hate them as much as Time Warner Cable.

So this particular Valentine’s Day (2014), my dad stayed clear of 1-800-flowers, actually flowers altogether and both my parents gave me some gifts that evening. It kinda felt like my birthday as I sat in my sitting room, opening up presents from a giant gift bag. I opened up a candle, lipstick and chocolate and then got to the two best gifts at the end. One was a poem written by my mom and the other was a small figurine picked out by my dad.

The poem was titled, “While You Wait” and typed on a picture printout my parents had taken of me months prior. And the figurine was a representation of the man of God my dad had been praying for me.

What sweet and thoughtful gifts. I felt very loved that day. And have cherished both gifts ever since.

Here is the poem my mom wrote for me:

We know you sometimes get tired of hearing that we pray,

For that man of God to come, but he seems to be delayed.

We know that there are reasons why God has held him back,

Most likely he’s in training so that nothing will he lack.

‘Cause he’s a special man whose been chosen from the start,

He will need lots of wisdom in order to do his part.

That is why we often prayed, it seems like very day,

That he would be the man of God, who’ll always know what to say.

One day people will ask him, and question him about,

How did he get to be your husband, and did he ever doubt.

We can now imagine seeing him, standing there so firm,

Confident and strong, as his words will be confirmed.

“No”, he will answer boldly as he looks back on his life.

God had promised him early on, that one day you’d be his wife.

So our darling daughter when things are moving slow,

Use this time to prepare yourself and allow yourself to grow.

We know that you’re a smart lady, and see things as they are,

We know that you’ve been patient, and trusted God so far.

But until that man of God does come, keep looking up and say,

Thank you Heavenly Father, for this gift I’ll have one day.

My mom explained that while she was writing that poem, she knew it was inspired by God because it came so easily to her. So not only did I feel so very loved by my parents that day, but also by my Heavenly Father. He was reminding me that He had it all figured out already.

So Valentine’s Day 2014 was pretty great.

And Valentine’s Day 2015 was too. It happened to be my 10th date with Mr. Knows Just What To Say and I had spent the last two weeks counting down the days.

So, I have to ask before I go any further…Did anyone else notice these lines in the poem?!

That is why we often prayed, it seems like very day,

That he would be the man of God, who’ll always know what to say.

A few months ago I was reading this poem and nearly fell over when I saw that line. I was in a bit of a shock, so much so, that I took the poem off the top of my dresser and laid it hidden in my top drawer. I didn’t even mention it to my mom because I was a little bit freaked out by it. Was this just an ironic coincidence or a divine plan?

Part of the reason I hid it was because when Mr. KJWTS came over for our 4th date, I didn’t want him reading it. I figured it would be nice and safe tucked under a few shirts in my dresser. Deep inside, I told myself that if I ever ended up engaged to Mr. KJWTS, I would pull the poem out and share it with everyone. What a story that would be! But if we ended up not lasting, I wouldn’t mention my findings to anyone.

And now I am sharing it with my whole world in a blog post…interesting how things change.

It is not because I know Mr. KJWTS is the one that my mom talks about in the poem. It is not because I know that Mr. KJWTS is the man that my dad has been praying for. I don’t know any of that yet. I do know that my feelings are getting stronger each time I am with him, but I couldn’t possibly know whether or not I am going to marry this guy. I know some people say that they knew right away… and… good for those people…but that’s not me. While my freak out meter has been hiding lately, it is most definitely still there.

I basically just started dating for goodness sakes, I am not ready to figure out who will be my husband. So, again, I don’t know. And I don’t have to know. Because my God does. And I am perfectly fine taking it date by date right now. Mr. KJWTS and I have not even talked about “our relationship status.” We don’t have a title and I have no idea how he would introduce me to his friends. None of that matters right now. I think we are just waiting to see how this 30 dates adventure ends before we begin to talk about those kinds of things.

What I do know is that I loved spending Valentine’s Day with him, our 10th date.

A few days prior, I reminded him that this was our 10th date and asked him if he ever counted dates this high up before. He said, “No, I don’t think most people count past their 3rd.” I laughed and wondered when I would actually stop counting. Maybe after the 30 dates? But then again, maybe not.

I drove to his house for this date and as soon as I walked in he had a vase of dozen roses, some chocolate and a card sitting out for me.

He even signed the card, “Mr. KJWTS.”

A part of me was surprised because I really wasn’t expecting anything from him on Valentine’s Day. He has told me that he doesn’t really like the idea of giving or getting gifts out of obligation and so I was wondering if he was one of those people who boycotted Valentine’s Day. In theory, I get those people and I understand why they hate the day so much. However, I have come to see the good in it. It gives married couples with kids a reason to get a babysitter and actually go out on a real date. Should they do that on other days besides February 14th? Sure. But life gets busy. Valentine’s Day reminds couples to take some time for themselves every once and awhile. Plus, if you boycott the made-up holiday of Valentine’s Day, do you also boycott Mother’s Day and Father’s Day? Those days bring families together that might not always make time for one another. Should they make time for one another besides the one day in May and one day in June. Sure. But life gets busy. Yes, I know these are made-up holidays, but to me, if you can find a middle ground somewhere, why not let yourself enjoy it?

So I can’t say that I wasn’t happy to be getting flowers from Mr. KJWTS. His card was pretty cute too.

He wrote:

“Thank you for letting me take this journey with you. It is an honor to spend this Valentine’s Day with you. I’m enjoying getting to know you and learn from you. Your heart and character are beautiful things to witness and I love seeing the softer side of you that you don’t let most people see. Thank you for choosing to be with me today.”

The “softer side” he is referring to is probably when I cried in front of him on our last date. So I smiled when I read that. At least he took that as a good thing and it didn’t leave him wanting to run.

We had decided to stay at his place and cook dinner that evening to avoid the crowds and the long waits at restaurants. We have gone out to eat several times already, so why not stay in and let the married couples with children at home with a babysitter, enjoy the long lines of waiting to eat in a restaurant 🙂 We decided on a meal and I went to the grocery store while he went to Lowe’s to get something to fix his television that he had been working on all week.

I prepared the meal, while he was busying himself in the attic with TV antennas and I loved every minute of it. It was fun to cook for a guy.

After we ate, our plan was to go see a movie. We had been wanting to see The Imitation Game for awhile now, but it never seemed to work out. So we had planned our dinner schedule around the movie time. We drove 20 minutes to the movie, lucked out on finding a close parking spot and waited in line for our tickets, only to see that it was sold out. We were smart about the restaurant situation, but didn’t even think of having to get to the movie way ahead of time for tickets. Oh well. We turned back around and went to Kohl’s instead.

He had to buy some socks and on the way out, I noticed a cute pink hoodie on sale for 50% off. So he bought that for me too. I felt like a real “couple” at that point. Making dinner and shopping for socks, will do that to ya every time.

We decided to just go back to his place and watch some movies. I had brought The Notebook for us to watch because he had told me on our 3rd date or so that he has never seen that. So I decided we were going to watch that, I am not sure I gave him a choice. I’m sure he liked it. Who wouldn’t? I told him we had to watch a romantic chick flick on Valentine’s Day anyway. That’s probably why the theater experience didn’t work out for us.

The day was perfect. Valentine’s Day 2015 was perfect.

Thinking back to last year and that poem again, a lot can change in a year’s time.

So why did I end up sharing that poem in a post anyway? Especially after my strong intent on hiding it after the discovery of that one line?

Because I couldn’t talk about Valentine’s Day without comparing it to last year’s and I couldn’t talk about last year’s, without sharing that sweet poem. Just remember that I am not going to marry this man because of a poem. There is a chance that we might not last past our 15th date. Or we might. We might date for a whole year. Or we might not. My life is not a movie, like The Notebook, so I cannot guarantee a happy ending with Mr. KJWTS. There is a chance we could really hurt each other or maybe things will just end peacefully because we realize we aren’t right for each other. I might even disappoint all the readers that have gone on this journey with me and are rooting for us to work out. I do know that when you date, you are taking chances. And I was at the point in my life that I wanted to take those chances. So that is what I am doing.

But if I look through the optimistic glasses for once, there is also a chance that this adventure could really work for us. Maybe we will get a happily ever after.

And if that happened, I would be the first to submit a movie manuscript to the Hallmark channel. After all, they were the ones that made up Valentine’s Day, right?

6 dates and counting down. Until next weekend.

Last night I went to a Father/Daughter Ball sponsored by Fellowship of Christian Athletes in the town where I teach. My date was my own father and I was the oldest daughter there. The event was for 3rd through 8th grade daughters and their fathers. I was asked to speak at the event and I knew that at a Father/Daughter Ball, I needed my dad to accompany me, both in attending the event and in speaking. I wanted my mom to come too, so I told her she could be the 3rd wheel. I don’t think she minded.

On our way to the event, I was thinking how I wouldn’t get a date in this weekend after Mr. P cancelled last weekend. Then I looked over at my dad and I realized that we were on a date, we were going to a Father/Daughter Ball after all. I decided right then that this was my date 23 and I would write a blog post of this date. Because I needed a post for each date (that was the rule that I came up with at the beginning) and who said my own father couldn’t be apart of my 30 dates. I never had a rule against that, so really I am not breaking any rules. Who am I kidding? I pretty much make up the rules as I go anyway.

We arrived at the event and stayed in the car to pray for the evening. My dad and I had spent a few hours that day going over what we would speak about. But no matter what we said, it wouldn’t matter if God didn’t show up and take over.

We spent the first part of the evening eating hors d’oeuvres, which were very good by the way. It is probably because I have the palate of a 3rd grader – chicken strips, fruit, chips and dip and cupcakes. Then eventually fathers started taking their daughters out on the dance floor. It was inspiring to watch. Watching these dads spin their young beautiful daughters in sparkly dresses around the dance floor literally melted my heart. They were precious, every single one of them. During a slow dance, my dad and I ventured out to the dance floor. Out of all of the men that I shared dances with, my dad had the most. However, it had been awhile and I was a bit rusty as I forgot which hand went where. My dad laughed, but soon I remembered.

After we finished our plates and our dance, we continued to watch the men and their daughters dancing until it was time for us to speak. Even though I had spent hours preparing that day feeling pretty confident, I started second guessing myself.

Am I sharing exactly what these girls need to hear? Will it be too over their head? Can I sustain their attention? Should I just scrap the whole thing and just stand up there and tell them how beautiful God thinks they are?

This usually starts to happen to me when I am actually with the people that I am about to speak to. But I think it is just part of my nerves. Even though I don’t actually feel nervous speaking in front of people anymore, I think my nerves come out through second guessing everything I prepared.

I stopped worrying, gave it to God ONE more time and continued to watch the dancing unfold around me. While I did this, I couldn’t help but think that this was how it should be, men spending an evening with their little girls making them feel beautiful and cherished. Unfortunately, there are a number of girls that wish they had an available father to take them to this ball and my heart broke for several of my students that I teach that didn’t have this luxury. One of my students said, “My dad would never go to something like that with me, I don’t even need to ask him.” She was the same girl that when I called her beautiful last year, she responded with, “that was the first time anyone has ever told me that.” Many other girls don’t even know their dad to be able to ask them. What I wish that those girls knew and maybe I will get to tell them one day is that they really do have a Father. God is their ultimate Father and He loves them more than any earthly man could ever love them.

As my thoughts wandered through these sad realizations, I looked over at my dad as he was smiling watching the girls and their dads dance. I was so blessed to have him in my life. Even if I was about to get up there and speak and say all of the wrong things, I was at least excited to share with everyone how special my dad was to me and what a great job he did in raising a little girl who would have never known she was beautiful if it wasn’t for her daddy telling her.

Around 8:30, I got up to speak and then eventually called my dad up to share some stories as I talked. Here is a shortened version of what I shared, because if I shared the whole thing, this post would be way too long. So it may seem a bit choppy, as I cut a lot out, including my dad’s stories.

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I have a dog named Luci, she listens pretty well now, well most of the time, but that was not always the case. The first few months of having her, she liked to play this game called “running away.” I hated that game.  Luci used to love to go in my neighbor’s yard. I tried to tell her over and over that her boundaries were to stay in my backyard and only my backyard.

When Luci ran away I would freak out and start chasing her. I didn’t want anything happening to her. Even after 20 minutes, I wouldn’t give up, I would have chased her all night if I had to, probably to the point of tears, but I would have done it, because I loved her. I kept chasing and running around barefoot in circles and I started feeling like it was useless, but I didn’t give up and I didn’t catch her….until… she finally LET me. I don’t know why she let me, I am not sure if she got tired of running herself, because I certainly was out of breath, or if she just finally understood that I was chasing her because I loved her so much and I wanted her to come home with me.

This is how Jesus works. Imagine for a second that you are like my little dog Luci and that God is our owner. God has set up specific boundaries for us because He loves us and He already knows what bad things will happen to us when we go outside of our boundaries. For some reason, we tend to want to run away to see what it is like outside of His boundaries.

It is like going in the neighbor’s yard and soon we are drifting too far away from home, that we could get ourselves in trouble and hurt. See in Luci’s little brain of hers, she wasn’t aware of the consequences of drifting from my yard, but I knew. And that is why I chased after her. I loved her so much, that I didn’t want her to experience any of those bad things.

Now think back to us for a second, we can be like Luci. We might want to leave our boundaries, but the problem is bad things might happen to us and God knows that. That is why He keeps chasing after us no matter how long it takes.

The reason that I never gave up on Luci when she ran away from me was because she was MY dog and I had already spent a lot of money on her, I paid a price for her. The price I paid was just a little bit compared to what God did for us. God had to give up His only Son, Jesus. Jesus had to die on the cross because He knew that we were people who liked to run away. This is called sin and we are not allowed to go to heaven if we have sin in our lives. Well the problem is everyone sins. I sinned when I was just three years old because I didn’t listen to my dad when he told me to say thank you.

My dad had to teach me manners, but my dad couldn’t save me. Only Jesus’ death on the cross could. Jesus died on the cross to remove all of those sins from our lives, so that one day we could go to heaven and have no boundaries. All we needed to do was accept this gift that doesn’t cost us anything. Jesus said in heaven, we could run around wherever we wanted because nothing bad could happen there. And one day, I look forward to experiencing that. But right now, we are still on Earth. And on Earth, bad things can still happen to us, so God wants to protect us as much as He can by setting up boundaries in our lives.

But in the end, just like Luci had to decide if she was going to listen to me, we have to decide if we are going to always just do what we want to do or if we are going to listen to God. Remember God knows everything and wants us to go to Heaven where nothing bad can ever happen to us again. If Luci decides to not listen to me, she might get hurt. If we decide to do whatever we want to do on Earth, we might get hurt too.

So I want to share a few things with you tonight about some boundaries in my own life that I have set because I wanted to do what Jesus asked me to do. The first boundary had to do with boys. My dad taught me at a very early age that the most important thing to look for when I started dating was a guy that loved Jesus with his whole heart. If I could find that, nothing else mattered.

That was easy for me to want when I was 7 or 8 years old, because at that time I thought everyone loved Jesus. When I reached middle school, I soon found out that wasn’t true. I was shocked at some of the things I would hear my classmates talking about and listen to some of the things they would do. I knew in middle school I was different and I decided shortly after that I would live my entire life devoted to God. I would be different than the world around me. And as I got older I saw the spiritual leader that my dad was and I knew I wanted that in a husband one day. I didn’t want to date just anyone, I wanted to date someone who loved Jesus with everything they had and showed that to other people.

When I entered high school, my dad’s worst nightmare came true. My first real crush didn’t love Jesus at all. He knew who Jesus was and he believed. But he didn’t live like he loved Jesus. One night, he asked me the question, “Would you be my girlfriend?” I can honestly tell you that everything inside of me was screaming yes. This is what I had been waiting for. Any 16 year old girl would have said yes. But then I realized, I wasn’t just ANY girl. I had made the decision a few years back to be set apart and stay within the boundaries that God set up for my life. When I told my parents that the boy I liked asked to be my boyfriend, my dad was quiet.

My dad could have stood up and started yelling at me, “Haven’t you paid attention to what I’ve been saying ALL of your life?! Are you really considering dating a boy like that? Don’t you remember you want a man that loves Jesus?!” But he didn’t. He didn’t because he knew that I already knew, he had spent 16 years instilling in me that it was very important to choose a boyfriend that loved Jesus. That night, neither one of us got much sleep. I tossed and turned all night, knowing what I would have to tell my crush. My dad later told me, he was up the entire night praying for me.

Later I had to tell that boy, I was choosing not to date him, not because my parents forbid me to, but because I knew it wasn’t the right choice. I went to bed that night and began crying myself to sleep, but as I did that I felt God saying to me. “You chose me, daughter. I am so proud of you for choosing me.” That night I prayed to God, “God, lock my heart up until you bring the man into my life that is meant for me. A man that loves you with all of his heart.”

So many times girls feel that once they reach a certain age they need to have a boyfriend. They don’t feel pretty unless they have a boyfriend telling them that. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case for me. My first crush called me beautiful and told me I was special and don’t get me wrong that made me feel good, but he wasn’t telling me anything that I hadn’t heard before from my dad. There isn’t a true study out there yet, at least not one I am aware of, but I can pretty much bet that a girl is going to fall in love with the first man that calls her beautiful. So why not let that be her daddy? Girls need to hear their beautiful when they are 5, but also when they are 13, especially when they are 13. And they will need to hear it when they are 16 too and 20 and even 25 and 29. And while I am not married yet, I can also bet that wives need to hear it often, even after several years of marriage…after decades of being married. It’s what we need to hear.

I made a few other decisions in my life regarding boundaries around the time of my first crush. I decided that I wasn’t going to dress to get guys’ attention. I like clothes and I enjoy fashion. I could dress cute and fashionable, but in a way that honored the Lord and protected me from guys that didn’t have my best interest at heart.

1 Corinthians 6:19, “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself”

That means that my body belongs to God and I am thankful for that, because he created me. He created me to be beautiful, just like he created you beautiful as well.      

If I was going to look for a guy that loved Jesus, I wanted to show others that I loved Him too. In order to do this, I was careful of how I spoke to others. I wanted to be nice and kind. I wanted to make sure that the words that came out of my mouth were honoring to God and not disappointing him. I wanted others to see my love for Jesus by my words and actions on an every day basis.

Another thing that I did was choose my friends wisely. If I started noticing that my friends were making bad decisions that I knew would disappoint God, I started hanging out with them less and less. Be careful of the friends that you choose to associate with, because many times they can get you in trouble.

The next big decision I made was in regards to kissing. I decided that I was not going to kiss a guy unless I knew for sure that they could take care of my heart and my feelings. I heard about a lot of girls that would kiss boys whenever they wanted, even if they weren’t in a committed relationship. And then that boy would break their heart and they would be left in a path of devastation. Or I saw girls that thought if they didn’t have their first kiss by a certain age, then that meant they were uncool. I chose to not believe in those lies. Choosing to not believe those lies has led me to being almost 30 years old and no first kiss yet. And I don’t regret it for one single second. You will never regret saving your kisses for as long as you can.

It is not a rule that you shouldn’t kiss until you are 30, although I am sure many dads in here wish that it could be. I am not telling you girls that you have to wait until you turn 30 to kiss boys. You won’t find that written in the Bible, unless your dad writes it in there. But God wants you to choose purity and that IS in the Bible. I am telling you that you need to listen to what God wants for you. Don’t feel like you have to be like everyone else – that you need to have a boyfriend and kiss in middle school or high school. Remember that doing it God’s way will save you from a lot of hurt in the end.  

Galatians 6:9 says,

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do no give up.”

Do not give up girls, staying within God’s boundaries for our lives may not always be easy, but it will always be worth it, always, every single time.

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I know this was a long one, so if you are still reading, thanks for your time. I hope in some small way maybe you found something encouraging. Or maybe just intriguing.

Thanks Dad, for still being the man that holds my heart and for always wanting to go on dates with me.

I’ll pick back up with more dates next weekend with MR. KJWTS.

Until then.

7 dates and counting down.

Mr. Well Traveled and I had a date planned for Sunday. Remember him? I wrote about him in my post titled “A Cancelled Date 17.” Here is a quick summary of our history planning this date. We originally planned to go out in January and then I had a free evening one night, so I asked him if he wanted to move it up to December. He agreed, but then the next day said his mom was sick and he needed to move it back to January. But then he texted me again the next day and said that his mom was okay now and that he could still go out on the date if I still wanted. I had come down with a horrible cold the night before and just ended up staying home. So our date was set back to January. THEN I got sick again, this time with the flu and had to cancel our date planned for the Saturday of MLK weekend and postpone it to this weekend. I thought he would have given up on me by then, but he said he was still interested.

During the last couple months, he would text me every few days. The simple, “hey – how was your day” type of texts. I have a hard time having motivation answering those texts to people that I have not even met yet. I know that it is a conversation starter, but it usually leaves me answering, “good, you?” with a response of “that’s good, mine was good too” And then I’m bored. So a few times, Mr. Well Traveled and I would have those conversations and a few times I might not have responded. I started wishing that I hadn’t given out my number to guys that I haven’t even gone out with yet. Because in the midst of the “how was your day” texts with Mr. Well Traveled, my next weekend date and I were having the same conversations. Let’s call him Mr. P because his first name starts with a P and since I haven’t met him yet, I really do not know much about him at all.

Mr. Well Traveled wanted to step it up and move our texting conversations to phone conversations. I had already told him a few times that I preferred texting because I was not a phone talker. I don’t even talk on the phone with Mr. Knows Just What To Say. And after talking all day in my classroom teaching, I am not jumping for joy to talk some more with a guy that I have not even met yet. He didn’t really get the hint, even though I wasn’t sure how to make it much more clearer and he called a few times. Most of the time I would not answer, one time I did because I just felt badly. During that time we talked about what we would do on our date, even though it was pretty much already planned through text a few days prior. After deciding on going to the movie “Into The Woods” and dinner afterwards, he began asking the normal first date questions. “What do you like to do for fun?” I can’t remember if I answered him or not but then I told him that since we were meeting in a few short days on Sunday, maybe we can just have this conversation in person. He said okay and then joked that he hoped I didn’t get sick. I was hoping the same exact thing.

On Saturday, I was with some friends traveling to a basketball game over two hours away. I was driving but saw that Mr. Well Traveled texted. After about ten minutes, my phone began blowing up with text messages from him and I handed the phone to my best friend in the passenger seat to read them. Here is a condensed version of what she read to me.

“I wanted to talk to you, but you’re not responding.”

“I know you are busy, I don’t think this is going to work out, I am cancelling our date. I just started thinking about how you were going out on dates with other people and I don’t think I need to be apart of that.”

When I saw that, I understood. I have started feeling a bit badly going out on dates with other guys knowing how much I like Mr. KJWTS. I have been trying to figure out exactly how to handle it. I am so close to the end, that I don’t want to give it up now. If I made all of the rest of the dates with Mr. KJWTS, we would literally have to go out on a date every weekend until my birthday and our schedules just don’t align for that to happen. Mr. KJWTS is fine with me finishing my 30 dates with other guys because he told me that he knew what he was getting himself into in the beginning when I told him about my 30 dates. However, now I am feeling badly for the other guys. I don’t want them to feel used just so I can meet a quota. That is why before we agree on a date, I usually ask them if they are okay with going out on a first date, knowing I am going out on dates with other guys as well. I try to explain to them that I am not looking for a husband, just a fun evening together. Some guys are not okay with this and I totally understand. I wonder how I would react if the situation was reversed. However, some guys are all about it. They tell me that it takes the pressure off of them for a first date and that they would rather be out on a date than sitting home for an evening, so why not.

So the fact that Mr. Well Traveled had a change of heart was okay. I couldn’t blame the guy. But my phone kept lighting up. He kept going.

“I joined eharmony to find a wife.”

“I live about an hour away from you and I have a shop here and I am about to close on a new home, so unless you can see yourself moving here and starting a family, I don’t think we would work.”

“You are attending college and you have a life where you are, so I couldn’t ask you to give all of that up.”

“And I really don’t want to see Into The Woods anyway, it is a musical and I just don’t want to see that.”

“I am sorry that I am coming clean this way, but we don’t have the luxury to talk in person about this.”

“We can still be friends if you want, but I don’t want to be selfish.”

Ummm, wow. Thankfully I was not sick this weekend, but I think I might have just experienced word vomit.  He would have been fine stopping after the first two messages. I understood then. So when we got to the game about 30 minutes later I texted him back.

Me: “I understand, we are probably looking for two different things right now. You are looking for a wife and I am looking to go out on a date. Sorry I didn’t respond right away, I was driving.”

Him: “No problem. Take care. No feelings hurt. Take care.”

Me: “Thanks, I wish you the best Mr. Well Traveled.”

Him: “You’re still pretty hot and I wish I was able to meet you, but my life is busy now still.”

Me: “It’s okay.”

Him: “It’s okay.”

And that was the end of that. Oh dear.

And then literally in the midst of that conversation, Mr. P (my next Sunday’s date) texted me and said that he was going to have to cancel our date. I think I might have literally laughed out loud. I wrote him back and said that I hoped I didn’t do anything wrong, but that I understood. He wrote back and said that he actually met another girl that he was going to pursue. I appreciated his honesty and was actually pretty excited for him. I told him that and we wished each other the best. At least that conversation didn’t leave my head spinning.

Maybe I should try my hardest to just go out on the rest of my dates with Mr. KJWTS. Maybe these cancellations were steering me that way.

And speaking of Mr. KJWTS, he was my date 22.

Let’s back up.

Earlier in the week, Mr. KJWTS and I had a texting conversation that left my feelings hurt. I am not going to go into detail but the gist of it was that we were not communicating the best about a particular topic and he didn’t really know just what to say that evening. I blame it on text because I am sure it would have been handled a lot better if it was a phone or a in person conversation. We ended the conversation stating that we would talk about it in person the next time we saw each other. I went to bed that night kinda sad but it didn’t leave me wanting to run. And that was a good thing. We had experienced a small “conflict” and all I could think about was that I wanted to work it out, no matter how much energy it took. I was hoping he felt the same way.

On Thursday evening, I told him that I missed him and that I wished we could see each other tomorrow. I didn’t think it was a possibility, especially on a Friday night, I was just telling him my wishful thinking. However, he surprised me and suggested that he drive down after work so we could go to dinner. After a few more texts of trying to decide if he was really serious, we had a plan. Part of the plan included him getting a hotel room to stay the night, so we could do brunch the following morning as well. Needless to say, I was excited and it made my day at work go a lot better, knowing I could spend the evening with him.

I got home from work that day, earlier than I ever have before and began cleaning my house. I reapplied my make-up, changed my clothes and as I was brushing my teeth, the doorbell rang.

After about an hour of deciding what to do and where to eat for the evening, we headed to dinner. Originally we planned to go see a movie afterwards but we both started calculating the time and realized that sitting in a movie might not be the best way to spend our short night together. So we just went to Starbucks instead. I was waiting for him to bring up “our tabled conversation” from earlier in the week, but he never did and I must admit I was a bit disappointed about that. But it didn’t seem to affect our time together and we had a good evening and Iaughed quite a bit. I always love when he laughs at the things I say. I, of course, didn’t want the night to end, but was extremely thankful that I knew we would have a bit more time in the morning. By this time, it was pretty late, so I am sure he was glad he didn’t have to drive two hours back home. After deciding on a time to go to brunch in the morning, he dropped me back off at my house and then headed to the hotel.

The next morning (well it was late morning -10:30 am- we both like to sleep in) he picked me up. When I opened the door he said, “You look beautiful this morning.” That was a nice way to start my day. We headed to a restaurant he had found to eat. Halfway through our meals, I couldn’t take it any longer. I came to the realization that he probably was not going to bring up the hard topic that needed to get discussed from earlier in the week. So I brought it up. As we discussed it, I found myself getting teary eyed. Once when I was talking, my voice got a little shaky and I think my eyes got watery. He looked at me and reached his hand out over the table. I put my hand in his and he said that he wished he could hug me right now. I told him that I was about to cry right now. He said, “I know, that is why I wish I could hug you.”

We talked for a few more minutes and ended the conversation with how to communicate better in the future. We have a small difference in how we communicate, so we realize that we will have to find a balance. We got up to leave and when he stopped by the register to pay for our meal, I walked outside. I still felt tears stinging my eyes and I was trying to hold myself together.

When he came outside, I think he could tell I was still sad, but he didn’t know what to say and we got in his car. He turned to kiss my cheek and I think I let a few tears drop. On the way home, we spent a few minutes in silence and then I grabbed his hand and said, “I still like you.” I think that was the first time I initiated the hand holding. He responded with, “I still like you too.” After another minute, he lifted up my hand and kissed it. He told me, “Holding hands with you means more to me than it ever did before because I know it is not a common thing for you to do.” I appreciated that comment and told him that I was glad he felt that way. He also glanced at me and said, “When you hurt, I hurt” and lifted my hand again to kiss it. I felt a bit silly for being emotional, but all girls are at some point, right? So even though I was hurting a bit, a part of me felt closer to him through this experience. I turned to him and said, “We will get better at communicating through the hard stuff.” He said, “Yes, we will get better.” I was relieved that he agreed with me because there were times during our conversation that I wondered if he would just end whatever we had going. Relationships have hard points and when both parties are willing to go through those points together and have those more difficult conversations, then the relationship can only grow. Although, I am fully aware that sometimes relationships just end when difficult times arise. Marriage is about promising to work through the hard times no matter what. Marriage is a commitment. But in dating, the other person is free to leave whenever they want. And I was not ready for this to end with Mr. KJWTS, so I am glad he agreed with me. We would get better.

We got back to my house and sat outside on my back porch for awhile. We were waiting until my best friend got home and I was excited to introduce them to each other. They had both heard a lot about the other person, but this would be the first time they met. When she got home, we talked for a bit longer outside and then it was time for him to leave. We hugged goodbye and he pulled away. As he left, I couldn’t help but feel blessed. He had driven to see me after a full day of work on Friday and spent $100 on a hotel room to be able to stay and see me again in the morning. And as hard as our brunch conversation was, it needed to happen. We needed to learn how to work out our misunderstandings.

When he got home he texted me and said, “Thank you so much for this weekend…every bit of it! And I miss you already…every part of you!”

I was already looking forward to the next time I saw him.

8 dates and counting down.

January was a rough month when it came to dates. I spent the first weekends of the month finishing a GRAD school paper that I saved until pretty much the last minute and then spent Martin Luther King weekend in bed for nearly four straight days. I had to cancel two dates that weekend and was starting to feel a bit nervous about getting in these last 10 dates. However, after this date 21, I have 9 more dates and I just so happen to have 9 more weekends until my birthday, so I am still okay, as long as all this sickness starts to stay the heck away from me.

I had this date planned with Mr. Knows Just What To Say since our last date. So even though I had cancelled two dates the weekend prior and I was still not feeling my 100% best, there was no way I was going to cancel this date with him. I had been looking forward to it for …oh…about the entire month. He texted me a few days prior to our date and asked me to rate how I was feeling based on a percentage. I answered him with 73% and he asked if I was still willing to drive to see him on Saturday. I replied right away with a simple affirming  – yes. He texted back and said “I love that you have no hesitations about coming to visit me because A) I really miss you and B) that means you are very comfortable being with me if you still want to be around me when you are only feeling 73%.” He was right, I did feel comfortable around him and I missed him too. I told him that the question was whether he wanted to be around ME when I was only feeling 73%. He answered with “I would still want to be with you and take care of you even if you were only at 7.3%.”

He has a way of making me feel taken care of even from almost two hours away. I hate that by the way, how far he lives, I mean. It makes our dates very spread out. But then again, the time periods that we go without seeing each other makes each date with him more exciting. And I usually don’t get excited about too many things…

Leading up to our date on Saturday, he said he had somewhere in mind where he wanted to take me, but I needed to get to his house no later than 2pm because the place closed around 4. I was trying to shoot for 2, but the night before I was exhausted from working a week when I was only 73%. I knew I needed Saturday morning to sleep in (which is my favorite thing to do) and then I had several errands to run since nothing got accomplished after work hours that week. So on Friday night, I texted him and asked him how mad he would be if I didn’t make it to his house by 2 after all. His response was perfect and exactly what I needed to hear after a stressful week – are you surprised? He said “No worries, I want you to get plenty of sleep and if you don’t get here in time, we will just do something else. Seriously, I want you rested, so don’t rush at all.”

By the time I was ready to leave my house, I knew I wouldn’t get to his house until a bit after 4. I felt badly that I was going to be almost 2 hours late and asked him right before I left if he was mad that it was going to be so much later than planned. Again, he wrote back and told me not to rush. His exact response was, “I treasure ANY time I get to spend with you and I know that I am never guaranteed even another minute with you.” I was very relieved at his answer, but his cute little texts were making me wish I had a whole stinkin’ week to spend with the guy!

I got in the car and headed his way, mad at myself for cutting out two hours of spending time with him. But I was excited for my date 21, my 8th date with MR. KJWTS! I even remembered to get a picture this time!

On the drive to his house, feeling maybe about 81% health wise, I started wondering what we were going to do since I ruined whatever his other plan was. Part of me secretly wished he would pick dinner up again (like he did on our date 3) and we could eat “in” and relax on the couch and catch up on our last month apart. But I didn’t want him to think I was boring, so I wasn’t going to suggest it. My best friend always tells me that I am going to need to find another “homebody” like myself for compatibility. I can’t say I disagree.

When I got there, he was just pulling up from running errands himself. He got out of his car and through several coughs on my part (still trying to get over that bronchitis), I apologized for being late and then for coughing. He hugged me and as we went inside, through more coughing, I began mumbling about how I didn’t think I was contagious so he didn’t have anything to worry about. He smiled and kissed my forehead and told me he missed me.

After catching up a bit, I asked what he wanted to do since I ruined his first plan. He told me that he was thinking we could just stay in for the night and he could go pick up some Japanese food like he did last time and we could just relax and watch TV on the couch, since I still wasn’t feeling the greatest. I secretly wanted to ask him if there was a little messenger that told him secrets about what I was thinking. How else could he keep doing things so… right? But instead I just told him that his plan sounded perfect.

After we finished eating, he told me about a “guys weekend” he had a few weekends ago. During that weekend, he told his friends about me and the 30 dates adventure and blogging. He told me that his friends searched my name and found this blog. I had previously asked Mr. KJWTS to not search for my blog, because I didn’t want him to read my posts about other dates and I liked reading my posts about our dates to him. He said he wouldn’t. But after his friends found my blog (I am not sure if or how many posts they read), I figured he might have read some posts too. When I asked him, he said he didn’t. So he asked me if I was going to read him our date 6. I had read him our first 4 dates previously and he wrote half of date 5’s post, so he just hadn’t heard dates 6 and 7 yet. I told him I would and then ended up reading him my “Just a Kiss” blog post and our date 7 blog post as well. It’s always fun reading him the posts because he learns more about what goes on in my head and he usually ends up smiling the whole time.

Later we started to take down his Christmas tree and finished the night watching television. The date was not too exciting and most people would probably find it boring. He actually told me, “good luck with writing this blog post.” I laughed and had been wondering what I would write about, but to me, the date was perfect. Sure, there will be times that I hope our dates are like real date dates and we go out somewhere, but for right now I like that I can be with him and do pretty much “nothing” and still have a good time. That’s a good sign folks.

One point he got up to get me a drink and came back and asked if I needed anything else. I told him that I needed him to stop time because I waited too long to be on this date with him and now it was coming to an end. He said he would if he could, but all he could do is turn his clocks back himself. I was half tempted to make him do it, although we would only be fooling ourselves. So reality set in and I got ready to leave.

Eventually I left his house to make the trek back home. He walked me out and we hugged goodbye. I told him I would see him in a few weeks and he rolled his eyes at the frustration of another three weeks going by until our next date. We are both busy the next two weekends. I laughed because I felt the same way. I got into my car and he leaned in and kissed my forehead and said, “Goodnight Beautiful.”

As I drove home, he texted me and told me that he missed me already. I knew what he meant, because I missed him too. My own feelings have been surprising myself lately. On my drive home I began thinking about what a blessing it was to like a guy and to know without a shadow of a doubt he likes you back. When that happens, it pretty much feels like a miracle taking place, I know because I have spent a decade wondering what it would feel like. As always, I know that feelings are free agents and dating is anything but secure. The journey is still a bit scary but in a fun sort of way.

9 dates and counting down. On to the single digits!

As we begin the new year, it is quite normal to reflect back on the previous year. During my reflections, I am still blown away that my 2014 ended the way it did. 20 dates in 3 months is ridiculous. At least for me. A year ago, I would never have imagined that I would get such a crazy idea, try it out, and have it actually work – so far, at least. Now that 2015 has begun, I am less than three months away from my 30th birthday. I am now finally able to think about turning 30 without breaking out into a cold sweat, so we are making progress.

My last date of 2014 was with Mr. Knows Just What To Say. This was now our 7th date. Now that you know my story of kissing or should I say, lack there of (see the last blog post – Just A Kiss), I figured I would update you on how that information was relayed to Mr. KJWTS. It was our 5th date and I was at his house (see blog post 15th is the 5th). I was starting to get nervous about the end of our date, even though it was hours away. Most guys would expect a kiss by the end of date 5, right?! My date number 12, Racer Dude had already explained that he usually kisses on the 3rd date. And while I realize all guys and all situations are different, I was thinking date 5 might be the date that Mr. KJWTS went in for a kiss. And I just wasn’t ready. But I didn’t want him to think that I didn’t like him. How was I going to handle this?

On our date 5, we were sitting on the couch, when I finally turned to him and asked, “So, can I ask you a question? What if it takes me a long time to kiss you?!” He smiled at me and said, “What does a long time mean? Like 3 hours?, and he gave me a cute look with a sly little grin. “Or do you mean more like, 3 days or 3 months? or 3 years?!” I told him I honestly wasn’t sure, but I highly doubt it would be 3 years – ha. And then he asked a  follow up question that I knew was coming after I brought up the topic of kissing.

“Have you ever kissed a guy before?” he asked. 

I let out the breath that I am sure I was holding and told him I hadn’t. And there it was, the question I always wondered myself, was finally answered. Would I tell a guy that I was dating that I had never kissed? After I told him that, he told me that he kind of figured. He said that after our second date, he was showing one of his best friends and his best friend’s wife a video clip of the both of us on our first date at the zoo that we recorded. Afterwards he said to them, “I don’t think this girl has ever kissed anyone before.” The wife said, “Nahh, she is too pretty to not have kissed.” I smiled when he told me that and told him a little bit of my decision regarding the whole not kissing thing. Then I asked him again, how he felt about waiting a bit. He told me he would wait until I was ready. Of course, that was a great answer and what I needed to hear. We didn’t talk about it again until this date.

But let me back up a bit. We had already talked about having our date be on New Year’s Eve, although we didn’t make any definite plans. But then my co-workers and I planned on meeting up on December 30th for an evening of dinner and bowling. As we were figuring out numbers, they asked me if I was going to bring Mr. KJWTS. I smiled and told them I may be able to work something out. So while we were on date 6, I asked him how he felt about coming back the following week for a date 7 with me and my co-workers! His work schedule was pretty flexible over the holidays, so he said he would plan on taking that day off and joining us. I was excited because most of my co-workers have been keeping up with my dates through my blog posts and I have felt their love and support from the very beginning.

Prior to our date, he had asked me what time I wanted him to come to my house. The plan was to meet my co-workers at Mellow Mushroom (a pizza restaurant) at 4:30, so I told him anytime between 1 and 4. He chose 1:00, I was not surprised. The next morning, he texted me and asked me how mad would I be if he came 30 minutes early. I told him that was fine and thought it was cute that he wanted to begin our date earlier than planned. We also talked about still being together on New Year’s Eve as well, since that was the original plan. He asked if I could handle seeing him on back to back days. I told him I could and that my freakout meter had been unusually quiet lately.

As I was anticipating his arrival, I went to the store for some snacks and sat those out when he arrived. As he walked up to my door, he leaned down to pick up a package that had been delivered on my porch. He walked in and hugged me and then handed me the package and said I had a delivery. I looked confused and grabbed the package, knowing I had not ordered anything recently. As I went to get some scissors to open it, he said, “I think I know what that is.” He had ordered another game for us to play and had it shipped to my house that day. The game is called Rush Hour.

Even though it appears to be a child’s game, it is much harder than it looks. It is a logic game and like a puzzle. It reads “ages 8 to adult,” because each card is a different difficulty level. He told me he just played it at one of his friend’s house, whose daughter got the game for Christmas and that the advanced level was even hard for him. He thought it would be fun for us to figure it out together and I am all about some puzzles. So we began our date, eating some snacks and playing Rush Hour.

After a few rounds of the game, we sat back on the couch and I put my feet in his lap. We were on opposite sides of the couch and as he looked at me, he said, “You look beautiful – like always – but I guess more so after so much time has gone by since the last time I saw you.” I reminded him that it had only been just over a week since we last saw each other but I told him that was sweet of him to say, I mean his name is Mr. Knows Just What To Say for a reason. Which reminded me of my blog posts and I asked him if he wanted to hear our date 4 post. I had already read him the posts from our first 3 dates on previous dates, so this time I read him our date 4 blog post. After I finished, I asked him if it was still okay that I was blogging about our dates or if it was starting to make him uncomfortable as we went out more. He told me he was fine with it. I went on to explain that even though several of my friends were reading about our dates, I didn’t want that to influence him to keep seeing me. I told him, “If you ever feel like this isn’t working out between us, please don’t feel like you can’t tell me because you are afraid of letting people down.” He nodded and then a few seconds later he came closer to me on the couch and whispered, “I am not going anywhere” and kissed my forehead.

A little while later, we left to meet my team members. As we were driving to the restaurant, he asked if my co-workers knew about him. I told him that of course they did and not only that, but they probably knew about each one of our dates as well, since most of them kept up with my blog posts. I looked over at him and smiled and he went to put his hand on my knee. However, my hand was there, so he ended up touching my hand instead. He grabbed my hand and then looked at me and said, “Is this okay?” I told him it was and he smiled and said, “Okay, because it’s kind of like holding hands.” “I know,” I told him and smiled back. I didn’t freak out, that was a good sign.

Later, we walked into the restaurant and most of my co-workers were already there sitting down at the table. “Hey everyone! This is Mr. KJWTS!” I used his real name of course and then I turned to him and said, “And this is everyone!” It felt good to introduce them to him. But it certainly was different for me and felt a little weird. Later when we were at our seats, I turned to him and went around the table explaining who each person was and what they taught. I figured, I would give him a quiz over that later. After a few formative assessments first, of course.

We ordered a pizza to split and when it arrived, he put a slice on my plate first. After one more piece for me and a few more for him, we all finished. I got up to use the restroom and on my return, ran into a former student from 4 years ago. As I was catching up with her, I told her, “Look over there, I brought a guy tonight!” Her and her friends secretly stole a glance to our table, where I had left Mr. KJWTS by himself. “Oh, I see him!” one of the girls said and I smiled and said, “It feels a bit weird to have brought a guy.” My former student said, “Good job, I am proud of you!” and went to give me a high five. I laughed and went back to our table. Soon after, we left to go bowling.

During the first game, I think I might have bowled the best game in my life! I usually have a hard time getting a score over 100, but my score was way over that. So I was feeling pretty proud. Mr. KJWTS tried his best to beat me, but unfortunately for him, he bowled one of his worst games. I was a bit amused watching him smile and say “Good Job” to me, although I knew deep down, he was wishing that he was winning. It was one thing to beat him at a board game, but another to beat him at a sport. Wait – is bowling a sport?

During the course of the evening, he would put his arm around me often and at one point, he leaned over and whispered, “You are doing pretty well with letting me touch you in front of other people.” I smiled back at him and was actually a bit proud of myself for that too. We ended our second game, and he won by 10 points, but that still wasn’t something to be proud of because neither one of us made It over 100 that time.

Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

The next day was New Years’ Eve and even though a few days prior I didn’t really know what we were going to do, one of my best friends invited us over to spend the evening with her and her family. I decided to just include both days as my date 20 though, because they happened so close together. So I will be brief with the rest of the details, to not drag this post on any longer.

Around 6:00, Mr. KJWTS and I headed over to my friend’s house. I have been over their house hundreds of times, but this time was definitely different because of bringing a date with me. However, as different as it was, I was looking forward to introducing him to them. We ate dinner shortly after arriving and then spent the evening watching a few fireworks and playing a game. We both really enjoyed our time. I am usually the 3rd wheel, or 5th wheel or 7th wheel, so it felt good to have an even amount of wheels for once. We left around 10:30 and went back to my house to finish out 2014.

When we got back, I went to the kitchen to get us some drinks and began silently wondering if he was expecting a New Year’s kiss. My freakout meter may have slowly started to rise. We hadn’t talked about kissing since the day I first brought it up. Was he going to be mad at me or disappointed if the night didn’t end like most couples’ nights? Wait, were we a couple?

While I was in the kitchen, he came up behind me and hugged me and kissed the top of my head. I turned around in his arms and asked him how his patience was holding up in regards to still not kissing. He smiled and asked me, “So what is a kiss to you? Is it just a kiss or does it mean more?” I explained my thoughts to him, a bit better this time, and asked him if he understood where I was coming from or if this was too hard for him to comprehend. I was not apologizing for waiting, but a part of me did feel badly for him, knowing most likely he would have gotten a New Year’s kiss if he was with any other girl. But, he told me that he understood me. Then he kissed my cheek and said, “I would wait forever.” Then after kissing my cheek again, he said, “Well maybe not forever.” I laughed and we headed to the couch to watch the ball drop.

When he left my house, he said, “Well, if you want to see me again, we will have to wait awhile.” He had already told me that he would be out of town the next few weekends. I answered him with “Of course, I want to see you again.” But I think he already knew that. He held my head and said goodbye and said, “I will miss this face the most.”

Almost immediately after he left, I began to miss him, so I wrote him an email of the things that he did while we were together that I loved. One included how easily he interacted with my friends and co-workers and another one being how respected I felt that he wasn’t giving me a hard time about waiting to kiss. I went on to list several more things as well.

When he got home, he wrote back and a part of his email said this:

“I can’t tell you how incredibly touching this was that you wrote this for me. I will certainly treasure this!  Neither of us know if/when this journey will end, but my goal is to leave you better than I found you and to let you feel a minuscule glimpse of Christ’s sacrificial love for you. I didn’t do any of those things you listed to make you love that action or aspect of me. I simply enjoy making you happy and seeing you smile gives me some mystical fuel that gives me energy and desire to make you smile again. That is something that I’ve never experienced before, so to me, that is what is most special about you.”

I am starting to feel a bit weird writing about my dates with Mr. KJWTS because the more that we start to like each other, I am thinking people may not want to read all of this “lovey dovey” stuff. I never would have imagined that 7 (and counting) out of my 30 dates would have been with the same guy, so I am not so sure how to handle this.

But thanks for taking this journey with me thus far.

10 dates and counting down. Until I schedule a date with those “January guys” that I talked about in my date 17 blog posts. But no more dates until I finish a GRAD school paper. Because writing blog posts is unfortunately just way more fun.