Have you kissed him yet?! If you’re a female reader, I am sure that might be one question that is in the forefront of your mind as you read my dates with Mr. Knows Just What To Say. If you’re a male, you might be thinking, “If not, I am surprised Mr. KJWTS is even sticking around.” And yes, quite frankly I am too, but I don’t apologize for it. So there is your answer. No we haven’t kissed, even after our date 7 (which will be the next post) this past week. Sorry if the title of this post misled you 😉

In 2011, Lady Antebellum released a song titled “Just a Kiss.” Lady A is one of my favorite Country bands. I am sure you have heard the song, here are some of the lyrics:

“I’ve never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when I’m holding you in my arms
We don’t need to rush this
Let’s just take it slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I don’t want to mess this thing up
I don’t want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life
So baby I’m alright, with just a kiss goodnight”

Obviously it is about not wanting to ruin a good thing by moving too fast, so instead they will end the night with just a kiss goodnight. I like that song, because I think it has a good message. Moving too fast, especially physically in a relationship, can allow the couple to miss out on such sweet times of getting to know one another without the pressures of how far to go physically. End the night with just a kiss.

But deep down, I always had a bit of a problem with that song and that is because to me, a kiss, is more than JUST a kiss.

Let me give you some background. But before I do, I wanted to let you know that I was hesitant in sharing what I am about to write. I am very open and honest about my thoughts in these blog posts, because I want to be real and authentic with those that choose to read my story. Because if it were me, I wouldn’t want to read blog posts full of fluff. We all have better things to do with our lives. So, as I type my honest feelings into these posts, I pray that somehow, my words will touch someone in someway. So even though being authentic is nothing new to these blog posts, I am about to share something much more personal. And it’s in regards to my past decision about kissing.

So here it is: I am about to be 30 in less than three months and I have never been kissed.

Sweet 16 and never been kissed, sounds cute and sweet and innocent. 30 and never been kissed, sort of just sounds down right…weird. So when I was younger, I had no problem sharing that I was waiting for the right time to kiss and that right time just never presented itself. But now, in my “older age,” I have shied away with sharing this information as much. Although my mom still likes to share it pretty often 🙂 It’s because she is proud of me and I love her for that. It’s kind of like how my dad used to love telling people that his daughter had never received a speeding ticket before. I said, “used to” because I ruined that in 2008.

Have I mentioned that I have great parents? Their support and love and guidance make me feel like a very blessed daughter. I couldn’t imagine “doing life” with anybody else.

The reason I was hesitant to share my lack of experience in kissing, is not because I am embarrassed about it and it’s certainly not because I wish it weren’t true. It’s because with it, comes a bit of an explanation. And, I certainly don’t want others to feel like I am judging them when they choose to kiss on the first date or second date or third date for that matter. Everyone is different and God calls His children to have different life stories. Many Christians even have different convictions from one another and as long as it lines up with God’s Word, it doesn’t make one person “more right” than the other.

So this is my story. And remember, I don’t expect everyone to agree or even to understand. However, as I was praying about whether to approach the topic of kissing in a blog post, I thought that if God has allowed this to be apart of my story, maybe it is for a reason greater than myself. Maybe it is meant to be shared.

I am not sure how it all came about, maybe it was the Christy Miller books (fiction books for Christian teens) that I poured over as a teenager, fantasizing what it would be like to have a healthy God- centered relationship like the two main characters, Christy and Todd. In one of the books, towards the end of the series, I remember Christy explaining (I know, I talk about her like she is a real person), that even though her and Todd were engaged, she wanted to be careful about how long they spent kissing because that would lead to other temptations. At one point she described it as like she was saving her kisses up in a piggy bank for her future husband.

I am sure reading those books were influential in my life, but other factors went into my decision. It might have also been because when I was 16, I chose to protect my heart against guys that were not living for the Lord or guys that were just not right for me period. That decision was made after I found myself easily falling for a smooth talker with a great smile, but I knew his values didn’t line up with my own. I knew that in order to protect my heart, I had to make sure I didn’t kiss the boy. We would still hang out, which of course made me like him more, but I was 16, I had a hard time staying away. Thankfully I was able to keep my “no kissing him” rule though. At one point, he shared with one of my best friends that he was going to kiss me on a particular night. She looked at him and just started laughing and she might have even muttered “good luck.” And because I did like him (a lot), maybe I would have kissed him, maybe I wouldn’t have been able to hold up to the temptation. I am honestly not sure. But what happened was God intervened somehow, because that night, he didn’t even try. Maybe it had to do with my friend laughing at him.

Once I made it past that crush in my life, I realized how great it was to walk away from him, knowing I didn’t even give him a kiss. It made it much easier to get over him. Although, I won’t lie, it still took months and a few tears. It was my first real crush, so you couldn’t expect much less.

I hung out with a few other guys after that but I never wanted to kiss them because I didn’t seem to like them as much as my first crush. And if I didn’t kiss my first crush, I didn’t think I needed to be kissing these other guys. This is when I started to realize that kissing was special to me. It wasn’t JUST a kiss or JUST something to do to end the night together. Kissing to me, meant I really liked the guy, like really really liked him. Kissing meant I fully trusted the guy and I could see “our hanging out” leading to a real full fledge relationship.

In college, I met a godly guy that had also never kissed a girl before. I found that out after a few dates in. At first I thought that must mean he is the one for me, what other college guy would have the same stance on kissing as me?! But then my freakout meter probably got the best of me, either that or we just figured out that we weren’t right for each other and that was over. That made me realize, that the guy that I dated or kissed or married one day, didn’t necessarily have to hold the same convictions that I held in regards to kissing in their past relationships. That wasn’t as important as some other areas.

And when I say convictions, it doesn’t mean I am waiting until my wedding day to kiss. It doesn’t even mean that I am waiting until we are engaged. I don’t know how long I will wait. Maybe it will be date 8 with Mr. KJWTS, maybe it will be on my date 30. Maybe I will wait longer… I don’t know. But now that I have waited so long, whether I like it or not, kissing is going to mean that I am giving a little piece of my heart away. So that is big.

I always wondered when I actually started “dating-dating” if I would end up telling the guy that I have never kissed before or just letting it happen, with him not having that knowledge. I thought maybe he should know, so he would understand why it might take me awhile. But then again, I also knew that by telling him, a ton of pressure would come along with that. Did I want him to feel that much pressure?

And then there was another guy that told me that my inexperience would probably mean that I would not be a good kisser when the time came. He, jokingly, even offered to let me practice with him. I didn’t take him up on the offer, but I walked away having a hard time getting his words out of my head.  So much so, that I remember calling up one of my best guy friends and asking him if I was making a mistake by waiting so long. And his words felt like a blanket of comfort over my soul. He said to me, “Do you understand how rare you are? And how that is such a good thing. You are like a precious jewel that is very hard to find. Don’t for one second regret your purity in this area. Many guys would be blessed to date someone that had the same stance as you.” To this day, I repeat his words in my mind often. I am extremely thankful for that conversation.

In 2011, I remember having another one of my “Am I sure this is a good decision” moments and I emailed my pastor for his thoughts. People began telling me that the reason I wasn’t dating was because guys were too intimidated by me. I don’t know if they said that to make me feel better about my lack of dating experience or if they thought it was true. I just remember thinking, “Then what am I supposed to do? Am I going to live my life alone for the rest of my life?!” I remember one guy, a few years prior, who I liked at the time, telling me he was too scared to even hold my hand. I just searched my inbox again for my pastor’s response to my questions and his words were too good to not share.

Here was his response to me:

“You are running a good race and it is good to be picky, there are very few men who wouldn’t be intimidated by you, but you are looking for that one who is man enough not to be intimidated.  And the lies about your first kiss being awkward are the same lies other girls hear about having to discover sexual compatibility, pre marriage. The source of both of those lies are young men who have neither kissed enough or had sex enough to know what the heck they are talking about. Kisses and sexual relations are not driven by form or experience, they are driven by intimacy and nothing is more intimate than sharing those with only one person. Your first kiss will ignite every cell in your body and it will be something you will tell your sons and daughters about, as opposed to having to hide that information from your sons and daughters because it is not something you are proud of.”

That email response meant so much to me and it gave me the ability to further recognize any lies that popped up in the coming years. Those words are words that I want to pass along to every younger girl that I come into contact with. Am I telling them they have to wait until they turn 30 to kiss? Absolutely not. I just want them to be able to recognize the lies of this world and to not ever give in to a temptation because they feel pressured or forced into it. Our girls need to hear more of that.

And as I said at the beginning, I know some may think I am crazy. I have even felt “made fun of” a bit by some people regarding this decision. So you may even choose to stop reading my posts from here on out, because you feel “this girl” has gone off the deep end. But I don’t regret it. And I may be in the “deep end,” but I am not drowning, like many girls I have come in contact with because their choices have left them wounded and grasping for air. I do not (and I repeat … I DO NOT) think that I am any better than anybody else because of the decisions I  have made. I am a sinner saved by grace. But I have learned to swim in that deep end and I feel stronger because of it. Even though your story may be way different than mine, maybe just maybe parts of my story have left you feeling encouraged.

So there is my background story to my date 20 post (which was date 7 with Mr. KJWTS). When I started writing, I didn’t intend for it to be a separate blog post altogether, but that’s what happened.

Date 20 post will come in a couple of days, I promise.

One of the luxuries of being a teacher is having a two week Christmas break. Since I have begun teaching, at least a portion of my break has always been spent up North where I grew up. Most visits up North would consist of spending some quality time with my grandma. This year would be different after her passing in August. I had no desire to travel up to the cold state of Ohio for Christmas, but knew that staying home for two weeks straight would not give me anything to look forward to. After my grandmother’s passing, my mom and I were talking and we decided it would be fun to take a cruise the week of Christmas. This would give my parents and I something to look forward to and would save me from the sadness of going “home” to Ohio and not being able to see my grandma and paint her nails one more time.

So as Mom does best, she began planning our vacation and entered into a search for cruises online. Dad went along with our plans, as he does best, and our cruise was set. We were excited.

My best friend jokingly said that I should do a date on the cruise and I laughed.

And then later, another friend who would be “home” for Christmas asked if we would get to see each other. I told him we would not be making the annual trip North and that instead we were heading South to the Bahamas on a cruise! He texted back and said “You doing a date on the boat?” My reply was, “Haha, I don’t think so…”

And that was truth. I really didn’t think so. I don’t just get dates because they come out of thin air. I can’t just walk on a cruise ship and ask who wanted to take me out on a date. It takes a bit more than the snap of my fingers or a wrinkle of my nose. I had to join eharmony to get these 30 dates, remember?!

But it happened. My friends must have foreseen the future, because my date 19 was with a guy on the cruise ship. Here is the story and we will call him Jack because his first name really did start with a “J” and because what girl doesn’t wish to walk on a cruise ship and get swept off her feet by a guy like Jack Dawson on Titanic.

As nice as it would be to fall in love with someone that looks like Leonardo Dicaprio, I am very thankful our situation was not the same as the beloved love story of Titanic. No icebergs to be found in the Bahamas and we all safely walked off the ship five days later.

We began our cruise on a Monday and by Tuesday we discovered an area of the ship called “Serenity.” It was an area with no loud music or limbo contests, padded chairs and two hot tubs. You even had to be 21 years or older to enter. That was our kind of vacation. So Tuesday late afternoon, my mom and I were relaxing in the hot tub, when after awhile I left to go shower for dinner. My mom stayed in the hot tub and I think my dad was probably napping on one of the padded chairs. After I left, Jack and a girl entered the hot tub and my mom struck up a conversation with them, learning that they were brother and sister on a cruise without any other family members. They had been on several cruises before and neither one was dating anyone, so why not enjoy a cruise as siblings? They in turn asked her what made her decide to take a cruise over Christmas. My mom went on to explain that this was our first cruise and the reason we decided to come. She told them that she was here with her husband and daughter and then somehow my 30 dates got brought up. I think the transition happened when my mom explained that I went into a deep sadness after my grandma’s funeral and that eventually a month later I got a crazy idea to do 30 dates before I turned 30. These dates gave me something to look forward to and focus on other than my sadness. As she was explaining more about the process and the blog and even Mr. KJWTS to Jack and his sister, Jack mentioned that if I needed a date 19, to let him know. But then he added, “Or is she too out of my league?” My mom laughed and said, “Not out of your league, just way older than you.” Jack was about to turn 24. Eventually the conversation ended and Jack told my mom he would look for us at dinner.

When my mom returned to our room she told me the story about meeting Jack and his sister and I felt honored that he wanted to go out on a date with me, especially with not meeting me first. The first thought I had was, “Now that would be a good blog post!” However, without cell phone usage and over 2,000 people on board, I didn’t think it was very likely we would see him again. And I was right, we didn’t see him at dinner that night.

I pretty much forgot about it until the next night. My mom and I ventured back to the “Serenity” deck to see how crowded the hot tubs were. During our journey, we accidentally walked into a room where live Karaoke was taking place. We walked in, realized our mistake and immediately walked back out. Soon after, Jack came running out and said, “I saw you guys walk in and I need to meet the famous daughter!” I was a bit confused and so was my mom at first, but she soon recognized that this was the same guy from the hot tub and she introduced me and then called my dad over to introduce him as well. He told me that he heard all about my 30 dates goal and then said, “So you are on date 19?” I nodded and smiled, thinking he was cuter than I expected and he continued on. “Well if you need a date 19, let me know,” he said. I told him that I would love for him to be my date 19. He then turned to my dad and said, “Is it okay if I take your daughter out on a date?” My dad laughed and told him that he was the first date to ask him that question. Jack seemed pretty smooth and confident and I was impressed. We set our date for Friday at 12:30. I asked him where we should meet and he suggested that he could pick me up at our room. I gave him our room number and date 19 was set. As he turned to leave my mom told him, “You are a very mature 24 year old.” He laughed, said thank you, and returned to the Karaoke room.

When Friday arrived, it was still warm enough to wear a sleeveless dress. I was excited about that because for some reason it is more fun going out on date in a dress. I pulled on my boots and waited for the knock on our cabin door.

A few minutes after 12:30, Jack came to pick me up and we set off to the restaurant for lunch. As I walked towards the elevators, he suggested we take the stairs. Even though it was about 5 or 6 stories up, I wasn’t going to disagree. We finally reached the dining room of the ship’s restaurant and I was hot from our mini workout. I picked up my menu to fan myself a bit and told Jack that it was hot in here. He agreed with me immediately and said he thought he was just hot because he was nervous. That was cute. I smiled and told him it really was hot in there.

After we ordered, he brought up the topic of my 30 dates. As he asked me a few questions about it, I thanked him for being willing to be my date 19. He told me that he figured he had nothing to lose and that it would provide some fun for the both of us. I agreed and he said, “It is not like I actually thought I had a chance with you anyway.” He went on to explain that he knew I was way out of his league and that I could probably get any guy in my own age range, I didn’t need to go down to his. Jack was quite the smooth talker ladies and gentleman (there has to be a few guys that read this blog, right?!).

During our lunch conversation, he asked me what kinds of qualities I was looking for in a man. My answer was that first and foremost he needed to have a strong faith and that from there the other qualities that I was seeking would probably line up. He asked me if it needed to be a certain faith and I nodded and went on to explain that I was looking for someone who lived for Jesus, who loved Him with his whole heart and that didn’t just live their life for their own pleasure. I went on to explain that I was looking for someone who had similar values and morals as myself. Jack asked me, “What if you found someone that had similar values and morals, lived their life for others, but didn’t necessarily claim that it was all for Jesus, would you date them?” I paused for a second, knowing full well that those who do not share the same faith as myself can look to Christians as judgmental and stuck up. That was the very last thing I wanted Jack to think about me. I smiled at him and shook my head. “No I wouldn’t,” I answered softly yet boldly. He began asking me questions about how I felt about certain controversial topics that Christians are known to stand against. I told him that I am aware that not everyone has the same beliefs that I do. I live my life based on what the Word of God says. I went on to explain that I understood that not everyone did that, so I could not judge others that lived their life different from mine. If they didn’t choose to live by the Bible, I couldn’t expect them to make the same choices and decisions that I did in life. I told him that I thought what I believed was the truth, or else I wouldn’t believe it, but that not everyone believed the Bible to be true and I understood that. I tried to explain to him that is why I needed to date someone compatible to me regarding my faith because if not, I believed we would clash in future decisions regarding our relationship. He nodded and told me that made perfect sense to him. Was I trying to get him to believe what I believed? No. It was not the time for that. I felt the Lord guiding me to show him that not all “Christians” are judgmental and get every chance they can to discuss what they are against. I don’t want to live my life letting everyone know what I am against. I want to show them what I am FOR. And I am FOR Jesus. I was just led to show him Christ’s love, even though Jack didn’t believe in Him. I later found out he was Jewish but not really practicing. He said he saw something beautiful in me and that he could tell from the minute he met me. He went on to explain that it was more than just my outside looks. I silently thanked Jesus right then and there for shining through me. I felt extremely blessed to be surrounded by the light of the Holy Spirit.

We were the last ones in the dining area for lunch and I suggested that we should probably go. As we got up to leave, he suggested we go to the deck below and sit at the bar awhile to continue talking. I agreed, actually happy that he still wanted to spend time with me even after all my “Jesus talk.”

At the bar, he ordered a drink for me stating that he needed to actually buy me something on this date, since the food is all inclusive, but the drinks were not. I gladly accepted and thought that was considerate of him. We talked about his job and that he lives in New York and he told me that I should come visit him sometime. He spent the next 5 minutes explaining where he would take me in the City if I ever ended up visiting him.

Towards the end of our date, he brought up Mr. KJWTS. My mom had mentioned him prior in the hot tub when they first met. He asked me if Mr. KJWTS had the qualities I was looking for. I told him that I thought so, but sometimes it still takes time to see if we are compatible. I told him we were on our 6th date. Jack shook his head and smiled and told me he was jealous but that was good for Mr. KJWTS. My heart melted a little. I enjoyed being around Jack and I told him that. I told him that he was very sweet, mature and confident and that I liked that. He told me that he has never met such a smart, beautiful, down to Earth woman before that made him change the way he thought about things. I told him I wish I could write that quote down for my blog, because that was the kindest thing he could have said to me. “It’s not like I am changing my beliefs,” he said, “You just have made me consider others a bit more.” I understood what he was saying.

Soon after, he said that he had to go meet up with his sister. He asked if I wanted to meet up with him later that night around 10pm. I told him I would and we parted ways.

I walked back to the room, thanking God for my date 19. My dad and I took a walk and I realized I didn’t have a 19 in my picture. So we went searching and found this.

I knew this was going to be a good blog post and I was already excited to write it. I thought it was great that I found the lifeboat with a number 19 on it, but thought it was even greater that we never had to use those boats. Again, thankful this was not the Titanic. Although I did have a new found craving to watch that movie again.

Later that evening, I changed into jeans, a nice top, and some new fancy earrings that my mom bought for me on the ship. I went to dinner with my parents and then came back to the room to freshen up my make-up and set off to meet Jack back at the bar at 10:00 on the dot. I didn’t see him when I arrived and walked around for a bit. After awhile, I sat down near the bar and waited. 10 minutes later, I did another round (of walking, not shots, mind you) and sat in a different spot closer to the bar. Then finally, after another 10 minutes went by, I decided he wasn’t going to show up. I waited around 5 more minutes to be safe and then went back to my room. I told my parents he didn’t show up and started getting ready for bed. I couldn’t really blame the guy. I just figured he probably met someone way more fun than me, who actually did rounds of shots 😉 My dad told me that I didn’t seem too disappointed and I told him I wasn’t. I got into bed but had a hard time falling asleep. As I tossed and turned, I wasn’t thinking about Jack and how he stood me up. Instead, I was thinking that in the morning I could finally turn on my phone and text Mr. KJWTS because we would be back at port.

The next morning, as we were leaving the ship to return to our car, Jack texted me. I forgot to mention that he had asked for my number on our date, but I didn’t have his. I was thinking I would never hear from him again. His text said:

“I’m sorry about last night. I ended up falling asleep on accident at 8pm and slept the rest of the night. I hope that you weren’t waiting for me too long. It was great meeting you. I’m glad we got to go on that date.”

I texted him back right away and told him that it was not a problem and that I was also glad we met and that I was very thankful he wanted to have lunch with me. I told him to have safe trip back to New York.

Yes, he stood me up. Who knows if he really did fall asleep or not. It doesn’t matter what happened, because he gave me this blog post to write about. So who can be mad about that?!?

11 dates and counting down. Until this weekend when I write about my 7th date with Mr. KJWTS that will be taking place this week.

Date 18 was my 6th date with Mr. Knows Just What To Say. So far dates 3, 9, 11, 14, 15 and 18 have all been with him. I sat here for about 20 minutes before starting this post trying to find a correlation between these numbers, the math teacher in me was certainly making an appearance. However 11 and 14 threw off the divisibility by 3 pattern and the Fibonacci sequence had no place in it at all. Oh well. I gave up and began the post.

Since Mr. KJWTS has been 6 out of my 18 dates, that means he has been a third of them. That is crazy to think about, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. On this date, I asked him how he was still feeling about me continuing these 30 dates (even though if things continue to go well, he is probably going to get quite a bit of my remaining dates). At the beginning of this journey, after meeting him, he said he was fine with the whole 30 dates thing. That was good, because if he wasn’t, I am not sure we would be where we are today. I don’t think I would have given it up for him so early on. However, now that we are spending more time together and feelings are growing a bit stronger, I wanted to make sure I was considering his feelings in this process and depending on his answer, I might have re-evaluated some things. He said he was still fine with it and I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. He told me at the beginning that he wants the best for me, so if I find that in another guy in my 30, he would be sad, but still happy for me. He said that still holds true for him. And for all I know, he could be going out on other dates as well.

On this date, I read him the blog post to our date 3 (my date 11, when it snowed and I postponed my date with Mr. Patient, to go to his house instead), and after he found out that I had cancelled a date that day, he told me he did too. I was actually kinda shocked. He said it was going to be a third date with a girl that he met either right before our first date or right after our first date, I couldn’t remember. But that after I said I would come to his house, he told her something had come up and cancelled and he hasn’t seen her since. That made me smile, but then it also made me realize that he WAS going out on other dates as well. Or at least he had, not sure if he still is, I didn’t ask. It didn’t bother me, because I, of course, have no room to talk. But apart of me did wonder if he was kissing any of them…

We had quite a bit of time in between our 5th and 6th dates and I realized that I missed him quite a bit. From December 5th through the 13th, he volunteered for a local Christmas charity that took up all his free time. Therefore, during that week, our texting was at a minimum. So going over 20 days from last seeing him and texting him less, the absence was making my heart grow fonder. However, I was a bit nervous that the absence was making his heart go wander (that phrase is courtesy of my best friend). A few days before our date, I had to just come out and ask him. Normally, I feel like his words are affirming, so I didn’t have to question him, but with his busy schedule, those were lacking. So I asked him ,”You still feeling ok about everything?” And by everything, I meant him and I, but he knew that already. He responded with “Yes, I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” The next day I even shared with him that before each past date, I would get nervous that when I saw him, I would realize that I didn’t like him as much as I thought, but now I was scared that when he saw ME, he would realize he didn’t like ME as much as he thought he did. His response was, “I’ll take that as a compliment and that you really like me and have grown much more comfortable with me. I’m really looking forward to spending the weekend with the most beautiful girl around!” That was cute, but it didn’t necessarily confirm his feelings. I kinda wanted him to tell me that I didn’t need to be scared about that, but I knew that it had been awhile since he saw me, so I couldn’t really expect more than that, right?

This is when I really realized how risky dating can be. He most certainly did not do anything wrong and his response was just fine. But I realized that with each day that passes by, you can never guarantee that the other person’s feelings will remain the same. Everyone, in the dating stages, has the right to change their mind. That is the beautiful, but also very scary part about dating. I am already “in it” pretty far with Mr. KJWTS (I know 6 dates to some is no big deal, but to me it is), that regardless what happens, if it didn’t end in a walk down the aisle, there will be some hurt feelings in the end. Whether it is me that changes my mind, or it is him that changes his mind or we just both realize that we are not compatible. I started getting nervous about getting my feelings hurt and then equally as nervous that I could be the one to hurt him. Here I go again, letting the uncertainty of the future cause anxiety in me. I needed to re-focus myself. We will be okay. I most certainly was not looking to marriage, even though most people like to jump there pretty quickly because of my age. I can barely see a month down the road, let alone think about marrying this guy. And that was okay.

That is the beauty of serving a Heavenly Father that loves us so much, because no matter what happens, no matter who comes in and out of my life, my identity is found in Jesus Christ alone. So that no matter what happens, I will be fine. Women (and men) that have not found their identity in Jesus, tend to feel empty without a spouse or dating partner. They go from guy to guy (or girl to girl), never fully seeking the love they are looking for. That is why, I feel so blessed to be able to lean on Jesus in times of anxiety and uncertainty. Mr. KJWTS will not always know just what to say. Even if we stay together past my 30 dates, he will hurt my feelings. It’s because he is a person, he is human. I will hurt his feelings, (I am sure I already have) and we will apologize to each other and offer grace and forgiveness to each other. And then we will do it all over again. That will happen in any relationship here on Earth. I am not expecting dating to be all rainbows and sunshine, I’ve certainly already learned that isn’t so. And I know that is the same with marriage as well. And that is the reason I just typed the above paragraphs. At first I was hesitant to share that I still had some apprehensions with everyone that reads this post, but I want to be real and let you see my heart a bit through this whole process.

I am pretty certain that some of the feelings I expressed above are good for me. It means, I actually do have feelings and, like Mr. KJWTS’ response indicated above, I liked him. And I was excited to see him after several weeks of waiting. I thought back to some of the affirmations that he would give me prior to date 5 and wondered if I was doing a good job actually affirming him as well. So this stretch of time, I made sure to tell him that I missed him and that I was excited to see him. And I constantly told him he was still my favorite.

On date 5 I had given him two Christmas presents, one that he opened right away, and one that I told him to wait until Christmas to open. However, there was one more thing that I wanted to give him, I just didn’t have it in time when I went to his house on date 5. It was a coffee mug that said “You’re My Favorite” on it. He drinks coffee each morning and I wanted it to be a reminder for him. I had ordered it and it had come in a few weeks ago. So when he arrived at my house for date 6, one of the first things that I did was hand him that gift. He opened it and said he loved it and then said he had something for me as well and went to his car to get it. I opened the wrapped box and in it was a hand painted plaque that read, “YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD WHEN YOU SMILE.”

It fits perfectly with my décor in my bedroom. Here it is sitting atop my dresser. I love it and even more so because of all the time he put into making it.

Next he said he had a surprise for me and pulled out a new game that he bought for us to play. It is called “What?!? Oh…” and is a game for couples (or groups) to play to test each other’s listening skills. He said he searched games online for two players to play and found this game, so he ordered it. That was very thoughtful of him. I made some snacks for us and we played either 2 or 3 times and I won each time.

However, later we did play the game “Sequence” again (same game we played on date 4) and he finally won. And I didn’t even let him 😉

Prior to this date, I had asked him how he felt about meeting my parents and he was okay with the idea. So that was our plan. However, we went to dinner just the two of us first. I was just getting over some kind of cold from the week before and started not feeling the best after we ate. He said his stomach hurt a bit as well after dinner, but that it might just have been nerves in meeting my parents. I told him he had nothing to worry about and that my parents were nice people 🙂

So with his hand on my knee, he drove to my parents house for an evening of more game playing. When we arrived, my parents told him that he should feel special because he was their first guest in their new home. So we showed him around their newly renovated house and then got down to card playing. We started with Euchre and Mr. KJWTS and I were partners and we lost by one to my parents. He did a great job of holding his own though, both in the game and during conversations. At one point, during the game, I had my legs stretched out under the table and he leaned down and squeezed my feet. I took that as a sign he was feeling comfortable in their house. And it felt comforting to me as well. Next, we ended up playing another game as well and I don’t even remember who won, all I know is I lost. Then after a few more conversations, we left.

As we drove away, Mr. KJWTS let out a little laugh. I asked him what he was laughing for over there and he said, “Your parents are really cool.” I already knew that though, which is why I told him he had nothing to worry about.

When we got back to my house, even though it was pretty late, we decided to watch a Christmas movie to end the date. Sitting next to him, under a blanket, with his arms around me, I felt safe and no anxiety was to be found. When he left, I remember thinking, that I didn’t want him to leave. Although I knew our date 7 would come soon after I returned from a cruise to the Bahamas that my parents and I had planned for the week of Christmas. So that made it easier to say goodbye.

While on the cruise, we couldn’t use our cell phones, so it would be the first time since we first started communicating that we would go days without texting. That is unreal to me. I cannot believe we have texted every single day since September 19th.

On the 2nd day of the cruise, I decided to check my email by paying $0.75 a minute, to make sure everything was okay with my dog. I told the dog sitter to email me updates to ease my anxiety of leaving her alone for a week. I noticed I also had an email from Mr. KJWTS with an ending that said he missed me. I didn’t have time to reply, because it was taking a long time and paying $0.75 a minute was just crazy. So I signed off. At the end of the cruise, when we arrived back to the port, I turned on my phone. I had a text message from him on Christmas, thanking me for the gift I had given him but told him to wait to open. I had given him a really soft blanket because he has told me before that he buys his shirts based on the feel. Also, knowing I wouldn’t be able to answer, he had called the day after Christmas and left a voice mail telling me he was looking forward to seeing me again and that he hoped the cruise was going well. I was glad that the absence was not making his “heart go wander” too much and I texted him a good morning message, telling him we were back in South Carolina. We were both already looking forward to date 7.

12 dates and counting down. Until tomorrow when I write about the date that actually took place on the cruise ship.

I know that the last post was a whirlwind of information and I was introducing guys right and left, but date 17 actually turned out to be someone I haven’t mentioned yet.

As far as the last post, Football Coach still has never contacted me, so I am pretty darn sure he is out for good. Mr. Well Traveled has texted me short “Good Morning” texts every few days and we are still planning on getting together in January, although no date has actually been set. Same with Christmas Party guy, he texted me on Christmas Day to wish me a “Merry Christmas,” but nothing has been specifically set with him either.

There was another guy I had also planned for January, but a few weekends ago, I sent him this message:

I am just throwing this out there….I have a paper due on Monday, which is the reason I wanted to leave this weekend to do that, but I am almost done with my paper and I can finish it tomorrow mid afternoon. What are you up to tomorrow? The reason I ask is because my best friend and I were looking to do something tomorrow and I thought it would be super fun to have some people over to make cookies or play cards or something. So, first question, are you free and willing to drive here tomorrow? 2nd question, do you have another single guy friend you could bring? and 3rd question, do you like to play cards or games?! I know it is so last minute, so if your answer is no to those questions, no big deal at all, we can stick with January like I originally said. If you are interested and your answer is yes to those questions than you can text me.

I gave him my number and he texted the next day, stating that he just got my email, but he already had plans for the day. He plays on a soccer team, I think through his church, and he had soccer practice that day. He said he loved the idea though and that he would ask around and find a friend for the following weekend, if I was free. I had plans Saturday and Sunday, but told him my Friday night was open. I only had a half day of teaching that day, so planning something for the first evening of my Christmas break sounded fun. I had yet to mention anything to my best friend yet though. I was hoping she was free as well.

A few days later, he texted me and told me that his friend, who also happened to be his worship leader at church, was willing to join us on this double date, if I still wanted to try and make it happen. I did and I was excited! My first double date of the 30!

I finally told my best friend about the idea and she was up for it as well, so we all set a time and planned to make cookies and play cards at my house, like my original email stated. I felt safe inviting them over to my house because of some of the emails we had sent back and forth and if anyone is safe, I assumed it would be a worship leader. If you are gonna lie about your profession, I doubted being a worship pastor would be something you would lie about. I also later found out, my date was a Police Office. So we were in good hands.

The last week of school before Christmas break is a long one for teachers, can I get an amen?! So by time Friday rolled around, I was not in the mood to figure out how to make sugar cookie cut outs from scratch. We decided to cheat and bought already made sugar cookie dough from Pillsbury. Pillsbury doesn’t usually let me down, it’s how I make my chocolate chip cookies too and my students always think I am the best baker in the world. A few years ago, after eating one of my chocolate chip cookies one of my students said, “I don’t know why you’re not married yet.” I turned and asked him where that came from (hoping maybe he would say something about my glittering personality, charming looks or fashionable outfits) and he said, “These are the best cookies I have ever eaten, better than my mom’s!” I told him that I don’t go around to single guys, offering them cookies and he said, “well you should.”

There you have it folks – dating advice from an 8th grader.

So as I was saying..I bought the pre-made sugar cookie dough to make cut out Christmas cookies. I even had to borrow the cookie cutters from a friend. And to keep the trend we bought already made vanilla icing and planned on just using food coloring to make the different colors. And yes, I borrowed the food coloring too 🙂 Ain’t nobody got time to bake when going on 30 dates!

After a half day of working, cleaning the house, grocery shopping and napping, I set out a few snacks and we were ready for our double date.

I was very excited to be able to go out on a date and spend the evening with my best friend all in one night. Even though we live together, I had missed her.

They arrived a bit before 8pm and I invited them in and introduced them to my best friend. Worship Leader walked in and commented about how our house looked a lot like “Christmas” inside and Police Officer commented several times that night how he was impressed with my decorating skills. What great guys they were. I was looking forward to spending an evening with them.

We started off the night with sitting in my living room and catching each other up on our life history and growing up years in 25 minutes time. We found out that Worship Leader also lived in Ohio for most of his life and Police Officer was originally from California.

After our confession of the pre-made dough and frosting, we got down to business with making the cookies. It was a bit tricky to roll out the dough, because as you might have guessed, I didn’t have a rolling pin. Police Officer showed off his intelligence by asking to use a drinking glass. As he smothered the glass in flour, Worship Leader showed off his humor as he failed over and over again at each cut out he attempted. As I was sitting at the table trying to figure out how to cut out the cookies with the guys and my best friend was a few feet away mixing the food colored frosting, while making a few comments about our lack of cookie skills, I remember thinking, “I am having fun.” I felt like I was back in high school and college when we actually had guy friends to hang out with.

We eventually figured out the trick to making cut outs from Pillsbury dough, by using lots of added flour and then put them in the oven to bake. From there we split up a bit. Police Officer and I went in the living room and he asked me what number he was in regards to my 30 dates. I hesitantly told him and we talked about that for a bit. He seemed cool with it though, most guys that actually choose to take me out, are cool with it, or else they wouldn’t have gone out with me in the first place.

Eventually we took the cookies out of the oven to cool and my best friend came up with the idea of teaching them how to play the card game, Euchre. Police Officer caught on quickly because he knew how to play Spades. However, despite living in Ohio for some time, Worship Leader seemed to struggle almost just as much as cutting out cookies. What he lacked in baking and card skills, he certainly made up in his quick wit and the ability to make us laugh. He was very funny and almost every single thing he said made me laugh, which is a rare thing.

Next we moved on to frosting the cookies, which was another ordeal as well, but we tried our best and improvised with plastic baggies as the “frosters” (I don’t even know the term for it). By the end of the night, my cheeks were literally hurting from laughing, but I couldn’t stop. It was so much fun to be in the comforts of my best friend and the guys’ personalities shined as they interacted with each other. Maybe all first dates should be double dates. However, I must admit, it was hard to get one on one time to really see if any chemistry existed.

We ended the night with Worship Leader playing a song on my best friend’s guitar (which she doesn’t play, but owns anyway – a story for another time) as we began to clean up the kitchen. After the song was over and the kitchen cleaned, we moved into the living room and ended the night talking until around midnight. Police Officer said that we should do it again sometime and we all agreed. They hugged us and then left. It is actually kind of sad they live about an hour and a half away, because they told us they have a group of friends from their church that they hang out with on a pretty regular basis. After meeting them, I wished I could be a part of that group. They were missing an “Ugly Sweater Christmas Party” that night to hang out with us, which Police Officer explained he didn’t mind because he didn’t own an ugly Christmas sweater. I was very thankful for him. Not only for being willing to be my date 17, but to go with my idea of inviting a friend and making it a double date, and then to miss a party with his friends and drive over an hour to my house.

As great as the night was, in all honesty, I don’t see any romantic connection happening between any of us, but they are great guys to hang out with and it is evident they both love the Lord. It was refreshing to be around them, to laugh more than I have in awhile, and to be completely comfortable with each other, as we all made fun of our lack of baking and frosting skills. I am not sure if there will really be a next time or not, in regards to Police Officer’s comment about “doing this again sometime.” But regardless, date 17 will go down as one of my favorites.

13 dates and counting down. Until tomorrow, when I write the next post.

Whew, date 17 was some work to get scheduled.

It all started a couple of weeks ago, actually the Sunday that I had my date 16, the Sunday after Thanksgiving. That evening, I was responding to a few unanswered emails in my inbox on eharmony but I had been nervous to schedule too many dates in December because of a few things I already had planned and a few assignments I still had to do. So most of my responses included asking the guys if they would be willing to wait until after the holidays in January to go out. However, having a date at least once a weekend was still nice for me because it got me out of the house and a nice break from my studies. There was one guy that caught my attention since he was a teacher too, as well as a football coach. I figured we would have some things in common, so it might be less work to hold conversation. So I told him I was free the upcoming weekend. We decided on Saturday and he asked for my number. I gave it to him and he texted me that night.

But the problem was my mind was on Mr. Knows Just What To Say. I had texted him earlier in the day and did not hear back from him. This was odd because, first of all, usually Mr. KJWTS is the first to text me each day and secondly he always responds to my texts at least within the hour. I knew he had a family function that day, so I thought he was busy with that. But after 5 hours, I couldn’t take it anymore and texted him again, asking him how his day was with his family. This even surprised me. Normally I would not text a guy twice in one day when he doesn’t respond to my first text, but I started to get worried and I couldn’t stop thinking about him, again surprising myself. Hmmm, so this is what it feels like to like someone…his actions (or lack there of, I should say) were controlling my emotions. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

I literally started building up this whole story in my head about how he must have died, what else could explain why he wasn’t texting me back!? Don’t jump to the worst possible situation, geesh. I knew I was being a bit dramatic. Ok, maybe he just forgot his phone, he went to visit family, and forgot his phone at home, yes that had to be it.

Football Coach and I were texting back and forth a few times that evening, when FINALLY at 9:30, two hours after my 2nd text to Mr. KJWTS, he texted me back. It turns out there was a miscommunication between the two of us from the night before which merited his silence. I had been unaware of the problem, but I wanted to solve it because I hated the pit that was forming in my stomach. I devoted my attention to Mr. KJWTS and Football Coach must have noticed my lack of responding and asked if I was busy. I told him I needed a few minutes and then after 10 minutes, when I still hadn’t responded, he said “It looks like you need more than just a few minutes.” Oh man, Football Coach seemed a bit needy. I apologized to him and told him I would talk to him tomorrow.

Mr. KJWTS and I worked out our miscommunication, which made me able to sleep that night. However, as I lay there trying to fall asleep, I remember thinking, I wasn’t sure I liked this whole feeling. My emotions were a roller coaster that day and it was all because of a man not responding to my texts. Was I ready for this? Was I ready to let another human being have so much control over the way that I felt? I wasn’t sure and I fell asleep a bit apprehensive, just when I was started to get comfortable with the idea of liking him.

The next morning, I began the work week with full force. After school that day, I checked my phone and saw that Mr. KJWTS had texted me, so he seemed fine again. Someone who wanted to look at my car (I had put it up for sale that weekend) had called and asked for me to call them back asap. I looked at the clock and realized I had 10 minutes before a meeting and called them back. In the midst of trying to coordinate what time I would be home, so they could come look at my car, I started receiving another call. I switched over and on the other line I heard this very joyful, “Hey!” I then realized it was Football Coach. I had forgotten to program his number in my phone from the day before, which is why I hadn’t recognized the incoming call. I said hey back and then had to explain to him that I was on the other line with potential car buyers and that I had a meeting in less than 5 minutes. He said something along the lines of how I was a very busy girl and I wanted to tell him that was an understatement. I apologized, joked about how he can’t be too needy for my attention and hung up the phone telling him I would text him when I got home. However, when I got home, my car sold. So that was a process in and of itself. I don’t even remember if I texted Football Coach back that night or the next day. I was thinking that I had reached strike three with him. But later on that week he texted me with an intro text of, “Hey Beautiful!” So I was guessing he couldn’t be too mad at me. He said he had forgotten about his nephew’s birthday on Saturday and asked if he could go out on Sunday instead. I told him that was fine and that was that.

I don’t think I heard from him the rest of the week. Finally on Saturday, I texted him and asked if he still wanted to go out the next day. I was debating about whether or not to ask him that or to just let it go, since he wasn’t getting back to me. He didn’t respond, so I was thinking my three strikes finally caught up to him. Then on Sunday, he did respond and this was his response:

“I’m definitely still interested, just stuck at my brother’s still from my nephew’s birthday yesterday.”

I didn’t know what that meant, so I asked him what his thoughts were. What did he mean he was still interested?

He said, “Sometime this week or weekend please, babe?”

Hmmm he called me babe… Does that mean, I don’t have three strikes? Wait, why is he calling me babe?

I texted him back saying that I was free either Thursday evening for dinner or Sunday (meaning today). He didn’t respond and I haven’t heard from him since.

So when I hadn’t heard from him by Friday, I figured Football Coach was out for good. Another guy had been texting me a bit and on Friday night he asked what were my weekend plans. I told him and then explained that I was free on Sunday if he wanted to move our January date up. He said he was free as well and we began texting back and forth some plans. He asked if he could call me and I told him that I was beat from a long week and that I’d prefer to just talk about it the next day. He told me to have a good night, but then sent a text about 2 minutes later and asked if we could talk on the phone for 48 seconds. I smiled and thought, okay, buddy, 48 seconds it is. I figured he had something he needed to tell me in that time. So he called me and the first question was, “So where are you originally from?” Oh no, here we go, the introduction questions. I wanted to save that to our date, because as I told him, I was pretty tired and not feeling the greatest, and talking on the phone to someone I have never met was not high on my to do list for the evening. I responded and we somehow started talking about how he travels a lot and has lived all over the United States. He asked me if I traveled a lot and I paused, thinking, if by travel you mean back and forth from SC to Ohio, then yes. If you mean out of the country, then no. I was ready for the conversation to end because I figured he already thought I was boring. And I was having a hard time convincing him otherwise. I had told him that I was tired and it was only 8:30 on a Friday evening and now I told him that I was not some world traveler. What can I say? I am starting to get pretty good at racking up the strikes. I just didn’t have any energy to care very much though. We talked for 6 minutes, I didn’t think there was such a thing as a 48 second phone call anyway, and then Mr. Well Traveled ended it with me saying we can figure out our plans for Sunday tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and I received a text message from him that he was going to need to postpone our date back to January after all because his mom was sick. For some reason, I was not surprised. I told him that was fine, silently wondering if I was ever going to hear from him again. But then when I woke up today, in the midst of blowing my nose from a nasty cold that had started Friday evening (which explains why I was so tired), I saw a text message from him that said he might be able to get together today after all and was wondering if I had made plans yet.

The ironic thing was that I had. Saturday night when I  was actually feeling pretty good, I had emailed another “January guy.” He said he was having a Christmas party at his house and he would love it if I could be his date for the evening. I actually did want to go, a Christmas party would be a nice change from my previous dates and he lived very close to me.

But waking up at 9am, feeling the way I felt was not a good sign.

That is what my bed side table looked like.

I went back to bed and woke up several hours later, still not feeling well at all. So I had to text both of them; Mr. Well Traveled and Mr. Christmas Party and tell them both that I was sick and wouldn’t be able to make it. Funny how things work out. Here guys kept cancelling on me, now I had two dates set up and I had to cancel on both of them. I was just not meant to go out on a date this weekend.

But I have been going through blog posts writing withdrawals and so I had to write one today, even though I have not technically been on a date since date 16.

So still 14 dates and counting down. Until next weekend, unless they get cancelled again 🙂

The reason that date 16 was a bit different from all the rest was because this was my first 1st date with someone I actually knew since starting this 30 date adventure. Can you believe that? I actually went out with someone I knew? Who does that?

I can’t remember when we actually first met, but it might have been about 5 or 6 years ago. One of my friends invited me on her church’s singles’ retreat for the weekend and this is where I met Mr. Valiant. I am nicknaming him that because I admire his boldness of still willing to take me out knowing I was going to write a blog post. Two of my previous dates also knew about my blog, but this seemed a little bit different to me because he was brave enough to approach me about it on his own, there was no “middle man” fixing us up. At the end of our date, I asked him if he wanted to pick his nickname and he laughed and said that was my job and it needed to be a surprise to him. So there you go, Mr. Valiant. I want you to know I admire you and I am praying that your boldness gives you some extra special blessings in the next year of your life.

After meeting Mr. Valiant several years ago, he moved to a different city. He has actually moved a few times since then I believe. As we were catching up, I realized that I had even gone to his going away party with our same mutual friend that had invited me on the retreat. Mr. Valiant and I stayed connected on facebook, although we had only actually hung out in person a handful of times. Last year we messaged back and forth a few times, but that was it. But then he sent me the following message on October 5th, after my 30 dates had commenced and I was a few blog posts in.

“I just read your dating blog (not every word of every date, but quite a bit of it) and you are my new hero 🙂 I’m sad I live so far away now, otherwise I’d definitely want to get on the list. As a single Christian man in my 30s, I love being able to hear your perspective (in a non-creepy way, I promise). I haven’t dated much either, but I have picked it up a little more the past couple years, just out of necessity. One thing I’ve never really done is the whole eharmony, match, or any of that stuff. Here’s a big frustration I’ll share with you: ideally, you’d want to meet and marry someone at church, right? Sadly, I’ve always felt, for whatever reason, this is always super awkward.”

He goes on to explain the struggle that Christian men have in asking a girl out at church and the reality that she just might say no. I understand and have heard that from a few men since, and although I am not a man, I feel his pain. Over the years when people would ask me why I am still single and I answered them with, “Ummm, I guess it’s just because I can’t find anyone.” I never had a really good answer for that question, by the way. They usually then replied with, “Aren’t there any single guys at your church?” It’s just not that easy, people. Whether singles groups exist or not, it is just not that easy. Plus I never wanted church to be a place where I looked for single men. I wanted to go as an act of worship, not to find a Friday night date. However, if a date would arise from church, I wasn’t against it. It was just rare.

Anyway, I loved that Mr. Valiant called me his new hero and I wrote him back and told him that he could still be one of my 30 dates if he was ever in the area. I was under the impression he only lived about an hour or two away. However, he had moved even farther from what I last knew and he wrote back and said he was over 5 hours away now in a neighboring state. He mentioned he may be able to drive through on his way back from visiting family over Thanksgiving, but I had completely forgotten about that until about two weeks ago when he messaged me again about it. He asked if the Sunday after Thanksgiving would work for me. He had the idea of going to church and then out to lunch afterwards. I wrote back and said that his plan sounded good!

I am going to be honest here for a second. I mean, I am always honest, but here is a bit of my heart that I don’t share often. Going to church makes me lonely. It is nobody’s fault, it is just hard for me. And It seems like the older I get, the harder it gets. Since moving here, I have always visited churches by myself. I distinctly remember being in a particular church’s lobby, with people all around me and I felt the loneliest I have ever felt. I remember just thinking that I needed to leave. It is extremely intimidating for a single woman to walk into a church on her own, not knowing anyone. In many churches I end up sitting by myself. There have been several times I get in my car after a church service, finally breathe again, and just begin sobbing as I pull away. I usually can get myself together quickly and I eventually become thankful again for my singleness and the way Jesus has used it in my life, but I am not going to say it has been the most pleasant of experiences.

I remember when I first started communicating with Mr. KJWTS, he asked me this question:

“At what moments/situations do you find yourself REALLY wishing you had a close significant other to share with you or be beside you?”

My answer was “church” and he later agreed. I know you are thinking…just make friends. And my answer to that is, I am not good at making friends  – ha. I am also not looking for sympathy or for people to feel badly about the situation. Over the years, I have had a few really great families talk with me, invite me to sit with them and out to lunch afterwards and things like that. And all of their gestures never go unnoticed or unappreciated. It still doesn’t take away the lonely feeling that creeps up every once and while when I see the couple in front of me holding hands or the guy a row over put his arm around his wife. Focus on Jesus, focus on Jesus, I tell myself. Be stronger, be stronger. You got this girl!

So when Mr. Valiant asked me to go to church with him, the first thing I thought was that I was so glad I wouldn’t have to sit by myself. Sitting by him was a good feeling. It was a good feeling to have; a body sitting next to me, a man that stands and sings along with the choir and someone who opens the Bible up when scripture reading begins. Later, Mr. Valiant admitted that he doesn’t usually sit with women at church because it is kind of an intimate experience for him. I understood what he meant and it made me appreciate our experience together. I don’t think I would ever have thought of going to church to be a date. So I am glad he suggested it.

Later, he also admitted to having a hard time coming up with date ideas to ensure that the girl is having fun on the dates. He said he thought church and lunch was a good idea and he appreciated that I thought it was too. “I could take a girl to church and out to lunch afterwards for every date and be satisfied,” he told me.

It was also fun to be able to dress up a little for a date. As I walked in, a lady complimented me on my tights. I thanked her and looked down at my tights and then remembered that I wore open toe shoes with no nail polish on my toes! I was hoping no one would notice 🙂

When we sat down and I took my coat off, Mr. Valiant told me I looked nice. I thought that was a cute thing for him to say. I said thank you and that was it. But guys should know how much that means to a girl. When a guy offers a simple compliment like that, it gives a girl a bit more confidence in herself, no polish on toes and all. I don’t think guys truly understand the power in their words. Later during the meet and greet part of the service a nice lady told me she loved my tights/leggings too! I said thank you and Mr. Valiant said, “You are getting compliments right and left!” I smiled and thought that I was glad one was actually from him.

After church, it was suggested we go to Lizard’s Thicket for lunch. Can you guess whose decision that was? I will give you one hint, the person wasn’t wearing tights. I say that because since moving down here, I have actually avoided that restaurant. Who wants to eat at a place named after a Lizard?

 Doesn’t look very appetizing, does it? He told me that was just his preference because he loved going there when he lived here, but that I could pick another place if I wanted. Since I have never actually eaten there, I couldn’t object just because of the name, now could I? So, I told him that was fine and we got in his car and went to a place named after a Reptile’s Bush. I was praying for food like Bob Evans.

 Well, it didn’t live up to good ole’ Bob’s, but then again, not much can. But it was good. Or at least that is what I am going to say on this blog post, because I know Mr. Valiant will be reading this and I don’t want to hurt his feelings 🙂 I did really appreciate that they let me order breakfast though. The waitress said I had 5 minutes until they stopped serving it.

While eating we became surrounded by two separate large families, both with babies, literally cornering us in the corner. I tried my hardest to focus on my date and our conversation but had a hard time focusing with all of the commotion going around there in the thicket of the Lizard. And I was just waiting for a lizard to start slithering by. Thankfully that didn’t happen, because for the love of Bob, if it did, I would have been gone in a split second, even if I had to jump over a baby.

When I could focus on our conversation, I enjoyed it. We could talk openly and honestly about what it is like to be single in our 30s. Oh wait, I am not 30 yet! Sometimes, I forget that. I still have 14 more dates to go, I can’t be 30 yet. He asked me about my dates and if there were any potential guys that I would be seeing after I turned 30. I said, there could be a possibility and that I have gone out with one guy a few times already. I felt a bit guilty talking about another guy on our date, but he asked, so I answered. I didn’t give many details though, because it’s not like I have 5 blog posts already dedicated to the guy I was referring to or anything. He seemed cool with it and told me about a few recent situations he has had with women. I tried to encourage him as best as I could. Single guys need a little push every once and awhile. It was nice to be on a date with a friend. Very refreshing actually.

We ended our lunch date, he went to the cash register to pay and then took me back to my car near the church. After driving around the parking garage trying to find a way out, I passed him again, smiled and waved goodbye.

Today he messaged me on facebook telling me thank you for my time yesterday and that he hoped I had fun. So yes, Mr. Valiant, I did have fun. It was so great seeing you. Thank you for wanting to “get in on the blog posts” as you called it. I appreciate you very much. 

His message went on to say that his 5 hour trip home lasted way longer because meeting with me gave him the confidence to make a detour and visit a girl in another city. He said they watched the sunset and he stayed for dinner. Way to go Mr. Valiant! I am not sure how he knows this girl or what potential they may have, whether it will be romantic or if they are just friends. But regardless, it meant so much to me that he said I gave him the confidence to visit her. Praying blessings upon blessings for you, Mr. Valiant. And if there is a soon to be Mrs. Valiant in your future, I’d like an invite to the wedding 🙂

14 dates and counting down. Until next weekend.

Mr. Knows Just What To Say and I had our 5th date planned a day after our 4th date. We planned for the day before Thanksgiving and even though he suggested he would come down to my town again, I told him I wanted to drive up to his. I liked the idea of getting away for a day over my Thanksgiving break, since I had nothing else planned. It gave me something to look forward to.

I had told him about these blog posts on our last date and told him the next date we were on I would read him our first date’s post (which was my date 3 out of the 30). So during this date, I did just that.  After I got finished reading, I asked him a question. I was not sure how he would answer it, so I was a bit nervous to ask him.

“Would you consider writing a post for my blog for this date?” I can’t remember how long it took him to answer, but I know he said yes. He asked a few more questions about it, like who his audience would be. I told him to just imagine he was writing to my friends. Later on in the date, I brought it back up again to make sure he was still okay with doing it and that he didn’t regret his decision. He said he would still write it, but was thinking he might need to hear the post from date one again, to make sure he understands what kinds of details I put in these posts. I told him I would read him our date 2 (which was my date 9 out of 30) and he seemed excited about that. So I read him that post. Every time I read him these posts, I think that it gives him a boost in confidence. Sometimes I am reluctant to share with him exactly how I am feeling, because I don’t know exactly how I am feeling. But when I read him the blog posts, I think it is clear that I like this guy. I mean, I wouldn’t be on a 5th date if I didn’t, right? That’s what I keep telling myself.

He had bought a few of my favorite snacks and drinks to have in his house while I was there for the day. That might seem like a simple gesture, but it meant so much to me. This shows that he pays attention to detail and he listens. That is evident. He always knows how to make me feel cherished. And sipping my favorite soda and popping jalapeno flavored chips into my mouth, cherished is exactly how I felt 🙂

During this date I did share with him some of my more reluctant thoughts. I thought he might be getting to the point of wanting to make a commitment or something regarding our relationship. I wanted to make sure that we have strong communication and that there are no guessing games constantly going on. I told him that I can’t totally figure out my feelings all of the time and that makes me feel like I am not giving him what he deserves. He told me he understands, and then he said this: “You don’t need to figure anything out right now. I am fine. All you have to ask yourself is, would you rather have me in your life or NOT have me in your life.” I thought for a second and I knew beyond doubt, I would rather him be in my life right now. So I told him that. He smiled and said he felt the same way about me. “That’s all we need to think about right now,” he said. I relaxed and thought how good he was for me, so very good.

Okay, so here is our date 5 from Mr. KJWTS’ perspective. I hope you enjoy it because I am beyond thankful that he did this for me. I realize he is a special guy. I don’t need to go out on 30 dates or need a lot of dating experiences under my belt to realize that.

I was asked if I wanted to write about our fifth date, and so I accepted the challenge even though I can’t match her wit from previous posts.

It was the day before Thanksgiving and I was waiting with great anticipation (as usual) for her to arrive. I still get nervous before each time we meet. Which to me, is a GREAT thing because it tells me that I really like this girl. And like all the dates before, each time I see her, I’m taken back by how beautiful she is.

I wanted to surprise her so I spiked my hair up (like all the cool kids do these days). She didn’t even notice until I said something an hour or 2 later! But she said she really likes it this way, even though I am a bit self-conscious about it as I’m not certain I can “pull it off”. I told her later at dinner that I would have never walked out of my house with my hair like this if I were not with her. Which is another reason I appreciate her, she gives me confidence in myself.

Upon arriving she starting making these sausage rolls, which she brought the ingredients for. This was the first time she has cooked anything for me, and they were so delicious! While they were cooking, we sat on the couch, catching up on things happening in our lives. She is so overwhelmingly busy with grad school work and just general teaching duties that I, in turn, know how much she must value me in order to sacrifice some of her extremely limited free time.

I had asked her previously if she would help me decorate my Christmas Tree, and I was surprised at her willingness to do so. I loved just the thought of sharing that experience with her. So when I asked if she was ready for that, she said she needed to get something from her car. But before she went out to her car she gave me a card. She asked me to read it while she was outside, saying that it’s sometimes awkward to read a card in front of someone. I kinda agree.

So I opened the card and saw she had written quite a lot, and I know I’m a slow reader, so I wanted to quickly read through it before she returned. By now I know she is very deliberate and guards her heart like no other, so in reading those words from her, I know she was sincere and she is growing more and more comfortable with me. Even though I sped through it, I still didn’t quite finish before she came back in. It wasn’t until that night when I was going to bed that I picked it up and reread everything over and over again. Her words were extremely touching and meant 100 times more after reading them a few times and really letting her thoughts soak in. My heart smiles each time I read that card.

When she returned she had 2 wrapped gifts for me just as the card she wrote outlined. The 1^st gift I got to open right then, she had written “this 1st gift is so you will think of me when you see it throughout your busy December.” But the 2^nd gift would have to wait until Christmas to be opened. She had written “this 2^nd gift is so your tree isn’t so empty on the floor.” I opened the 1^st gift: It was a Christmas ornament of a huge golden ball with the Riverbanks Zoo & Garden logo on it. That is where we went on our first date. That was extremely sweet and thoughtful. I paused there for a second thinking how perfect that was. 

Oddly enough, yesterday I was cleaning out my car and found the Riverbanks Zoo map in the car trash bag. After our first date I just assumed she would never want to see me again, so I had tossed it, but never emptied that bag. So I pulled out the map and showed it to her after receiving her ornament gift, and have now saved it as a treasured keepsake. 

I also showed her the text messages I sent to my friend Andrew the morning of our first date at the zoo. Here is the transcript:

Me: “I obviously don’t normally do this, but I have a 1^st date this afternoon & wanted to know if u would please pray for us?”

Andrew: “Absolutely! I feel honored.”

And after the date I wrote:

Me: “Appreciate it! It went well. She’s a beautiful girl w/ a heart for Christ. Though if I hadn’t read “Sacred Search,” I doubt we would have ever met. That book really helped me change what I’m seeking.”

Andrew: “Awesome man, glad to hear! So will there be a second date?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so, but she has a busy next few weeks so it might be awhile before we can have that second date.” 

We’ve discussed before how Gifts is my lowest love language and how I would love Christmas if it were not for the gifts & shopping. Well, this was the perfect gift, the way all gifts should be. It wasn’t bought because the calendar said so, nor did she feel compelled by tradition, it wasn’t bought because it met a certain mystical dollar amount that made it seem appropriate. She bought it out of the pure intentions she outlined in the card … and that’s why I love it!!!

So with my new ornament in hand, we started decorating the tree. She did a great job helping me by putting up the vast majority of ornaments. I was just happy to be sharing this tradition with someone I cherished.

Next we played a game of Sorry! It is one of my favorite board games, and I know she loves playing games. I dominated in the beginning, but she quickly recovered and ended up beating me in the closest of finishes. That makes her 3-for-3 against me in games. In complete honesty, this is actually really refreshing! One of my favorite things about her is how smart she is. She’s such a rare combination of brains and beauty. I’ve dated too many girls in the past that I’ve tried to throw the game and still won because they just aren’t gifted in that area. But I promised her ONE DAY I will defeat her so she better get ready! It’s coming …

Next she taught me how to play the card game Euchre. And I kept referring to it as “That Yankee Card Game”. I love Spades and while this is similar it is just different enough to screw me up, especially with all the “crazy Yankee rules” like Jack beating Ace. That was thrown in there for no other reason but to make me look silly by forgetting that half the time! Well after she walked me through a couple mock hands with real cards we got our iPads out and played online. We were actually teammates playing against other players online. Sometimes our opponents were actual people playing online and other times we just played the computer. However, because we were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, she was very deliberate about not cheating, no matter who we were playing against. I really admired that about her. We lost each game we played (mostly because I was screwing up), but we had a great time, and later on, she even told me that was her favorite part of the date.

We then headed off to dinner at Red Robin. It is one of my favorite places to go and a place she hasn’t been to since she was younger. It was a good meal with great conversation, though they did get her order wrong.

Next up (yes, this all happened in a short span of a few hours), we watched my favorite Christmas movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”. I knew it wasn’t even technically Thanksgiving yet, but I never have any guarantee that I would see her again, so I wanted to share this moment with her when I had the chance. She had never actually seen this movie, or at least not all the way through. I bought the colorized version of it, as I somehow knew she would find that more entertaining. I was right! I was hoping she would like it, and I think she did. She even laughed quite a few times, so I knew she was enjoying herself.

Afterwards, I reluctantly let her go as I knew she had a long drive ahead of her. I helped carry some of her things out to her car. After loading everything in the car, she turned to face me with her arms spread out so wide, the biggest invite to hug her to date. For some reason I felt better about her wanting to see me again, so I mentioned something we could do on our next date. Then I added, “… If there is one”. She replied, “There will be!”

-From the perspective of Mr. KJWTS-

And there you have it, date 15!

I have come to realize that we have become even closer after him hearing my thoughts as I read him my posts from dates 1 and 2 and me reading his thoughts from this date 5. Maybe, we are on to something, Do you want a healthy relationship with open communication? Just write about each date from both perspectives and then read each other’s write ups! I am telling ya, it will work. Well, I guess only if the dates go well. For both people. So, wait, never mind, that’s a risky chance. Oh well, carry on.

As Thanksgiving came and went, I reminisced often about my past 15 dates and could not be more thankful of each and every guy that has taken me out and the lessons that I have learned along the way. And as I stated in his card, I am especially thankful for Mr. KJWTS and his patience, encouragement, and kindness that he has shown me over the past two months. I feel very blessed.

I am halfway there!

15 dates and counting down. Until next week.

Sometimes I feel like I am watching my life unfold around me like a movie. I really feel like I am acting out and writing about a character in a story. And then I blink a few times and think, “Nope, this is really my life.” It still seems unreal to me that I have gone out with 11 different guys on 11 first dates in just two month’s time. And now I am writing about a 4th date with the same guy. I am honestly not sure I have ever been on a fourth date before in my life. Not just “get togethers” with friends, but 4 actual dates. with. the. same. person. Umm, freakout meter, calm yourself down now.

It is actually a comforting feeling to know that they are dates. Do you know what I mean? I feel like so many times in society today, guys and girls go out, but half of the time, they don’t know what to call it. A guy may ask the girl to come watch the game with him or girls may get sick of waiting for the guy to ask, so she asks the guy if he wants to grab lunch or something. And then they hang out, maybe they like each other, maybe they are just friends, maybe it’s a date, but no one is really sure. I am not saying that everything has to have a title and that it needs to be expressed that both parties think that it is a date. I am just saying, it is nice, that I don’t feel like I am guessing. I don’t feel like we are playing some game. We call it what it is. A date. And did I say, this was our 4th one?

As you probably already know, this 4th date was with Mr. Knows Just What To Say, same as dates 3, 9 and 11. I keep waiting for him to not live up to his nickname or something else to go wrong or for one of us to get sick of each other or SOMETHING. But it never happens. Don’t get me wrong, we have been communicating for about two months now, especially through texts, and there have been times where miscommunication has occurred. However, I am always amazed at how we end up handling it. I feel like we communicate very well and I know this may sound weird, but our brains think very similarly.

We planned this 4th date, a couple of days after our 3rd, so it had been in the works for a couple of weeks. Mr. KJWTS told me he would drive to my town this time, since dates 2 and 3, I drove to his house. I wasn’t sure what we would do and I doubted he did either. But my mind was too consumed with my professional work and GRAD school, I couldn’t even think about it. We both could have fun with each other just doing homework and watching a movie, so I wasn’t worried.

When he got here, I showed him around my house a bit. He told me it looked like a “model home” by how I decorated and I almost leaked my nickname for him right then and there.

It was a somewhat chilly and cloudy day, but still bearable, so I suggested we go get some boiled peanuts (my most desired treat since moving to the South) and eat them at my favorite park in town. I bundled up with my coat and gloves and he changed from his dress shirt that he had worn to church that morning.

We spent a little over an hour at the park, just swinging and overlooking the pond. During this time, I decided I needed to tell him about the blog. I had been avoiding it because I didn’t want him to spend his weekends reading my blog posts about other dates. And I didn’t want him knowing that I was writing about each date to influence the things he said or did.

“I have a secret I need to tell you?” I said a bit shyly as I turned to look at him as we were swinging back and forth. “You are married?!” he exclaimed. I laughed. “You have a kid?” he said again. I laughed even more and shook my head. “Ok, don’t tell me you are really a man,” he announced glaring back at me with a smile.

“Are you going to let me tell you?!” I asked him, thinking my little confession was miniscule compared to his jokes. I started telling him about how I knew I was going to have to tell him eventually, but the first date was probably too soon and now that it was the fourth date, he probably had the right to know…and…

He just looked at me and I figured I should get to the point.

“So, you know with my whole 30 dates thing…well…I am blogging about each date.”

Now that I think about it, I can’t really remember what his reaction was. Which just means he seemed cool with it. I went on to explain to him how my blog got started and that I wanted him to know now, sooner rather than later. Especially, in case, for some reason it got back to him. We talked about it for a few more minutes and then I asked him to promise me that he wouldn’t search for it. He is very tech savvy, so I had no doubt he could find it, if he wanted to. He told me at this point, he didn’t want to read it. He said one day down the road he would, but not now. I made him promise one more time and he did.

I told him I wouldn’t mind if he read them, I just thought it wouldn’t be the most healthiest thing for him right now. He agreed. However, I did end up reading him my very first post, as well as half of the second post. I wanted him to hear about how I wrote that I thought he was the best communicator and how much I appreciated his response to me about the whole 30 dates thing.

That led us to a conversation about eharmony and I asked him how long he had been on there. I was assuming we had joined around the same time. He said he had been on for awhile and had joined for a year. I was beginning to wonder how eharmony’s algorithm worked, because when I first joined, I had way more communication with guys than I do now. Recently, I have gone weeks without anyone contacting me and I actually do not have any more dates lined up for the rest of the year with other guys from eharmony. Not because I am giving up on the rest of my 30 dates, but because communication with new guys have decreased dramatically. I thought maybe they matched everyone that first joined around the same time and then as weeks went by, people started losing interest in the whole online dating thing or something. However, that was not the case with him, if he had been on there for several months. He said that he thought that when someone first joined, that is when they were matched with the people that were the most compatible. I am still getting matched with people each day, but they probably aren’t the most compatible with me and that is the reason I must not be interesting them enough for them to contact me. No more youth pastors and too many guys with their shirts off 🙂 Which makes me a little scared to think about what guys are receiving on their end.

I thanked him again for being willing to contact me in the first place and going out with me now 4 times. Especially because none of my pictures were in a bikini (I didn’t say that, but I thought it). Then he told me that if it weren’t for my whole 30 dates thing, he might not be sitting here today. Later, I asked him what he meant by that. He told me that when he read that in my profile, it made me stand out. He knew it would take the pressure away from both of us a bit. Plus he said that I was not his usual type of girl that he dated. Here, we go again, back to “types.” He had just gotten finished reading “The Sacred Search,” the book that he gave me on our first date. He explained that the book had changed his thinking a lot about dating. I finished that book a few weeks ago, so I knew what he meant. Here is one point that the author, Gary Thomas, says at the beginning of the book:

Guys are more inclined to experience romantic love with women they are attracted to physically, yet physical appearance is the thing most likely to change in a person’s life. Marriage isn’t about being young together; it’s about growing old together – and bodies change as we get older. If you don’t marry with that in mind, you’re going to make a major mistake – perhaps the biggest mistake of your life.

What draws most of us into marriage is rarely the ingredient that serves long-term happiness in marriage. Understanding this alone will help you make a wiser choice.

He told me that reading quotes like that, changed him. And he threw his type out the window. I am paraphrasing, but that was the general idea.

And by the way, if you are dating, looking to date, about to get married or know someone that is, I would highly recommend this book.

At first, I am not going to lie, that made me a bit self-conscious. For a fleeting second, I wondered if he wasn’t attracted to me at first, since I technically wasn’t his type. But then he explained more, that what he meant was; I was a bit taller, a bit blonder and a bit more “light-eyed” than most girls he had dated in the past. Plus the several comments he made about how he thought I was beautiful, came rushing back. One of his most recent texts that makes him live up to his nickname went like this:

“I don’t think you have ANY clue just how much I and the rest of the world love seeing that wonderfully beautiful and stunning smile of yours! It really does take my breath away sometimes. Seriously.”

So while, I may not have been his “type,” he knows how to make me feel beautiful.

After we left the park, we came back to my house to warm up. We played a board game twice, I won both times (his excuse was that my beauty was distracting him) and he helped grade papers from one of my classes. From there we went to dinner. On the way to dinner, I shared with him how there are many times in my life when I am with people and after a few hours with them, I am ready to NOT be with them anymore (that’s just being honest folks). But, that wasn’t the case with him. It was true, I was thinking it, so I thought I should tell him that. In the past, I would have been very reluctant to share that with a guy, wondering if he might take it that I am head over heels for him already. But Mr. KJWTS seems to understand me so much, that sharing things like that, does not make me nervous. He told me he was having a great time spending the day with me as well.

At dinner, as usual, I only ate half of my meal. When I looked down, it was the same for him. I remembered he only ate half of his meal on our first date too. I made a comment about it and he said, “I have a hard time eating around you.” What I found cute, was the fact that he shared that with me. That is what I like, we are open and honest with each other. I told him that I liked that I felt I could share with him my true feelings. I told him, that in the past, I was known as the “confusing girl” and it was probably because I didn’t share my feelings all the time, so the guy had no idea what I was thinking. But the reason for that was because half of the time, I didn’t know what I was feeling myself. I told him that I felt comfortable sharing my feelings with him, so if there is something he feels like I am keeping from him, it is because I just don’t quite know yet myself. He understood. Like he usually does. I thanked him again for being so patient with me and for letting me experience this process without any pressure.

After dinner, we went back to my house, but he left shortly after. When he got home, he texted me and told me that he would love to see me again, if God should choose to bless him that way. I wrote back right away that he could choose the next day for our 5th date, since he had been going with my schedule for the first 4. Yesterday, he texted me and said, “So you agreed to a 5th date, how is your freakout meter?” And again, I smiled. Because he gets me.

p.s. My freakout meter is doing just fine.

16 dates and counting down. Until next week when we have our 5th date.

My date 13 was with Mr. Patient, he was the one that was originally going to be my date 11, but due to the power outage on November 1st, we cancelled. He seemed totally fine with re-scheduling for November 15th, thus getting his nickname.  What a great guy being willing to wait for almost two months from when we first started communicating and not giving me a hard time about it, not even one little bit.

For our November 1st date, we had planned to meet at a restaurant and then go to a movie afterwards. He said he was willing to drive to me, since he lived just under 2 hours away, but that I should pick out the restaurant since he wasn’t familiar with the area. As I have stated before, I always get intimidated when picking out restaurants, since I never know what the price range should be. I mean, I would be fine with Chipotle or Chick-Fil-A or something like that. However, I know those might not be the best date night places. So, as usual, to help me be a bit more decisive, I chose three “middle of the road” priced restaurants and he chose one from my list. He chose Outback Steakhouse.

A few days prior to our re-scheduled date, we confirmed through text that Saturday was still good for both of us and that we would stick with our original plan – Outback and a movie. I pushed back the time 30 minutes, because I had a paper for GRAD school due that same day and of course I had been putting it off to the last minute. I am not sure what 30 minutes was going to do, but it made me feel better about getting my paper turned in before I left for the date. If I could finish the paper by 4, I made it my goal that I would reward myself by getting my nails painted. I should have made that promise to myself weeks ago, maybe that paper would have gotten done before the day it was actually due. I did end up finishing by 4, and left to get my nails done shortly after. However, the picture below was taken before that, so don’t look too closely at my chipped nails. I added another filter to make them hard to see and because of my stupid blemishes in this winter-like weather. Amazing what a filter does for ya 🙂 Why I hadn’t figured that out sooner, is beyond me.

After I left the nail salon, I still had an hour to spare, but figured it wouldn’t make sense for me to go back home. So I texted him that I could be there before 6:30 if he wanted and began heading towards the restaurant. I knew he would be on his way already, he had texted me at 4:15 stating that he was leaving. So I figured, he might even get there early too. I stopped by a store to kill some time and ended up calling the restaurant for call ahead seating, since knowing Outback, there is usually an hour wait. Almost immediately after putting my name in, he texted and said he was there early, but that he needed to charge his phone in the car, so we could keep it at 6:30. He also told me he put our names in for call ahead seating. Great minds think alike, I guess. Well I am assuming he has a great mind, since he thought of that 🙂

Here was our text conversation after I told him that I had done the exact same thing:

He said, “Come on now, I had it covered!”

“Well you are smarter than I thought you were.”

“So wait, you didn’t think I was smart to begin with? Ouch that hurts!”

“I said smart-er.”

“Still hurts.”

“Then you are more sensitive than I thought too :)”

“Oh that was a great come back. I like that.”

Here we are, me in the parking lots of Kohl’s and him in the parking lot of Outback, 15 minutes before meeting and we are sending texts back and forth. I thought it was cute though.

Prior to those texts, I just wasn’t sure what his personality was like. We had texted for weeks, every few days or so and before that we had emailed for about a month. But it mostly consisted of questions like, “how was your day?” and “what are you up to?” and things like that. I was going into this date, not really sure who to expect. So those few texts, made me a bit more excited to actually spend the evening with him.

I eventually drove to the restaurant and decided to head in when I arrived, while he was still charging his phone in his car. I told the hostess that we had both called ahead, but then I realized that I didn’t know his last name to tell her which name to take off. I would have told her to take my name off, but then I didn’t know which name to tell her that we would be under! So I quickly said I had to go to the bathroom and that I would be back in a bit before she could ask me any more questions. A few minutes later, Mr. Patient walked in and I met him at the door. We got the call ahead seating thing worked out and we waited for about another 25 minutes until we were seated. During our dinner conversation he did an awesome job carrying the conversation, plus he ordered a bloomin’ onion for our appetizer, so he was racking up some points. We both talked a bit about our families. He talked a lot about the things that his father taught him and I thought that was endearing. I could tell he really looked up to his dad and that is a great sign.

He also talked about his friends. It seemed like he had a lot of friends that were female. That doesn’t bother me, since I have several guy friends, but I asked him why he was never interested in dating any of them and he told me they were just not his type. So I asked him, “So, what is your type?” It is always interesting to see how guys answer that, especially because he was sitting across from a girl (that was me, in case that wasn’t clear). I am sure it wasn’t the best question to ask, but I was curious. He said, “Well girls about the same height as me (he was 5’8′) and usually blonde” and then he threw in, “like, you are my type.” Well, thank you Mr. Patient! But I felt badly because I may have forced that compliment. What else was he going to say? I smiled and felt relieved that he didn’t ask me the question back. Plus, I don’t even know if I have a “type.” When you don’t date , you can’t really compare all of the ex-boyfriends, to see if a type emerges.

I know my “type” loves Jesus though. As we were walking into the movie theatres, in a totally different conversation, I did ended up sharing that with him. His response was that he wasn’t perfect. After he said that, there were a few other things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that you don’t have to be perfect to love Jesus. If we were perfect, Jesus wouldn’t be needed in our lives at all. Jesus came to save the sinners, those in need of  a Savior. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. So what I really wanted to tell him was that I am glad he isn’t perfect.

But does he strive to know God’s Word a bit better everyday?

Does he give up some of his own desires, because they don’t align with God’s Word?

That, my friends, is what loving Jesus is all about. But I didn’t say any of that, kinda heavy for a first date. I just smiled at him and said, “I am not perfect either” and we walked into the theater.

As we approached the register, I again, offered to pay for the movie, since he paid for dinner. He said that he had it and he opened his wallet right away. These guys are so sweet to not only treat me to dinner, but then pay for a movie as well. Movies are not cheap these days (however, I did get a discount with my student ID from GRAD school – I guess going back to school is worth something). I thanked him then and later again when the night ended.

I really hope that I convey to these guys, how appreciative I am of them paying. I have to admit, it does make a girl feel special. It isn’t about the money (although I will also admit, I couldn’t afford to go out to dinner and a movie every weekend on my budget), but rather it is just a gesture for them to silently say, “I am glad to be on this date with you.” And that is appreciated.

I think I have come to realize I feel the same about guys opening car doors. My dad used to take me out on dates when I was a little girl and he would always open the car door for me and tell me that is what I should expect when I started dating. Well, it has taken awhile, but here I am, dating, and I distinctively remember him saying that. I don’t think I look down on the guys that don’t open car doors, and I know some females would prefer to open their own doors. But to me, it is still a nice gesture on the guys part to take that initiative. I have only actually gotten into the car with about 5 of the guys, Mr. Patient being one of them. Actually, he may have been the only one that didn’t open the car door for me, although I am kinda drawing a blank on a few in that area, now that I try and think back to it.

Towards the beginning of this journey, I never thought to actually get in the car with my date. Not that I didn’t think they were safe, I just felt that if we met somewhere, I would just follow them to the next place. However, for some reason, the past two dates, 12 and 13, have been different. After we first met and then decided to drive to the theatre, both times I initiated the question of, “Should we take separate cars or one?” Both times it was a bit awkward after I asked. I don’t know if they were surprised that I would be willing to get in the car with them after only meeting them that day or what the deal was. Now that I think about it, I am not sure what all of a sudden made me change my way of doing things either. It might have started after dates 7 and 8, since they both picked me up from my house, since I was set up with them by people I actually knew. I guess I have been a bit more brave lately. And yes, I know what you are thinking, I should be careful. I will, I promise.

That makes me think back to date 12, when I got home later than expected. My best friend said to me, we should go over some dating rules for you. “Like, never take anything that they offer you to drink,” she said. I laughed to myself, thinking, “You are telling me this…now… after 12 dates?!” That was all the advice she offered me that night. But I am glad she was able to get the “drink” thing off her chest 🙂

Moving on…however, there isn’t much more to tell. We ended our date with the movie a bit after 11pm and he still had an almost two hour commute back home. So he took me back to Outback’s parking lot, I thanked him, he said it was nice to have met me and that was that.

17 dates and counting down. Until hopefully tomorrow when I post about Sunday’s date.

The guy that I went out with on Saturday began communicating with me on September 17th. It took us about 9 days to get to the email stage and even after that he usually took awhile to respond. When he finally did on October 4, this was his response:

“Please forgive me for the delay. A combination of trying to finish out a real estate deal while dealing with the ins and outs of a broken leg has provided certain challenges for me. I’m here, I’m interested, but just went silent for a bit dealing with pain and resting. Hope you can understand.So do I still have a shot in this game of yours? Or have you hit the 30 mark already?”

It turns out that in his free time he races professionally and he broke his leg in a crash back in September. I asked him how he felt about going out in November and he said that worked well for him, so he could recover a bit from his leg surgery. The more and more dates that I go on, the more and more grateful I become of these guys being willing to be apart of my 30 dates “game,” as Racer Dude worded it up there. I think I am becoming more appreciative, because I am getting less and less responses via eharmony, and some have even blocked me or what eharmony calls as “moved on.” The appreciation also comes because some guys are having to travel several hours to meet me for one date. But to me, it is more than just a game. It is my life and it has been a rewarding experience, with many lessons learned along the way.

Racer Dude and I began texting way back on October 9th and in his first email as well as first text he called me “lil lady.” That was original, however I kinda wondered how many other girls in his inbox had that same nickname. The following day, I asked him if he wanted to plan for a date on November 8th. I was starting to get used to the idea of planning dates one month in advance, that I didn’t think much about it anymore. However, with dates being planned that far ahead of time, I always wonder if the guy is still going to remember me and want to go out when the day actually comes. I texted him earlier in the week to make sure he was still good for Saturday. He said he was. When we were actually out on the date he brought up the fact that he thought it was so funny that I planned our date so ahead of time. He said he has never done that before and is usually way more “spur of the moment.” I thanked him for being patient and for actually blocking off this day in his schedule to go out on a date with me.

Even though we planned that our date was going to take place on November 8, neither one of us had taken the initiative to plan what we would do in that month’s time. So a few days prior to Saturday, he texted me again, his usual, “Hey lil lady.” I said hey back and aked him what his thoughts were about Saturday. He told me he was at my mercy. So I had been thinking of this plan in a neighboring town, that seemed to be in the middle of our two cities. Racer Dude lived the farthest away than any of my other dates, I believe like 3.5 to 4 hours. I typed out my plan and he was all for it. However, the day of the date, I actually looked up how far this “neighboring town” was and it was 2.5 hours from me! I was running some errands that afternoon and I still had a few things to do. Being in a car for 5 hours in one day by myself did not seem very fun at all. So I texted him again and said this:

“How long would it take you to get there? I just looked again for me and realized that it will take me 2.5 hours and I am trying to decide if it’s worth it.”

What I meant by “worth it” was the original plan that I came up with – to go see one of my former students play college basketball. I want to go to one of his games, but thought I would wait until he played a bit closer.

He might have taken the “worth it” meaning worth even meeting him.

Whoops. My bad.

His response:

“Well I was just about to leave, so I could get there early, so tell me now if that is what we are doing or not. Did you want to meet elsewhere? Or scrap the whole idea?”

I texted him back and literally said, “Whoa, are you frustrated with me?” I explained to him that of course I did not want to scrap the whole idea of meeting him. This was before re-reading the text I sent him and realized that it kinda sounded bad on my end. He said he wasn’t frustrated, but I called him to just make sure. He didn’t answer. I thought I was in trouble, I thought that another date was about to be cancelled.

I typed out a suggestion for another town where we could meet that would be about the same distance for him, but only an hour for me. He called back and apologized for missing my call. I apologized for changing our plans hours before our date and told him I hoped he didn’t think I was some ditzy blonde girl that couldn’t keep things straight.

Once we got that settled, he pretty much left everything up to me. Every time I asked him a question, he turned it right back to me and would throw in a few “sweeties” every once and awhile. I could tell he didn’t want to make any decisions. “Sweetie, it doesn’t matter to me,” was his favorite response. So I told him I would meet him at Starbucks at 5:00 and we could decide where to go to dinner from there.

A few minutes later I texted him and said (because of my ditzy blonde comment) that I hoped he wasn’t expecting some hot bombshell blonde walking into Starbucks to meet him. I let him know that I was actually brunette with some blonde highlights and that I wasn’t ditzy.

He asked me if I was going to “catfish” him. That was the second time I heard that phrase, once before from Mr. Facetime. I asked him what that meant and he explained.

Here is what Urban Dictionary tells us:

A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a weird guy from San Diego!
or
I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish.

I might have put on a bit extra of my concealer and edited that picture below to hide some of my blemishes, but I was as ready as I was gonna get. I at least felt prettier than a catfish.

Since one of his earlier texts said he was going to get there early, I decided to also get there early, around 4:45. I texted him and told him to let me know when he was there. He didn’t get there till 5:15, but I was alright with that, because I was still feeling pretty badly about changing plans on him last minute and making him drive 2.5 hours to our meeting place. I was waiting in my car, but then around 5:15, began walking into Starbucks. At that very moment, a car passed by me and I hear, “Hey lil lady, I am looking for a parking spot.” At least he recognized me from my pictures. I sat at one of the outside tables and waited. He had warned me that he would still be on one crutch, so a few minutes later, he came walking over to me. He sat down and I asked him if he wanted to get coffee or just go straight to dinner. After a few back and forth questions, we decided on dinner. I finally narrowed it down to two places and I told him he needed to pick from there. He couldn’t or he wouldn’t, I am not sure which. So finally I said we could flip a coin to determine. The coin told us where to go and we were off!

During dinner, he asked me about my 30 dates again. As I was explaining the pressures I put on myself when it came to dating, he said he agreed completely. He said that he used to spend the whole first date, wondering if he should try and kiss the girl at the end of the date. He said that made the date itself not as enjoyable to him because he was worrying the whole time about the kiss. I found that very interesting, I’ve always wondered if guys thought about the kiss or if that was just a spur of the moment thing. I never had to worry about it myself because I already made my mind up that I was not going to kiss on these 30 dates. So far, none of my dates have even led me to believe that they might try and kiss me, well maybe with the exception of date 5, but I backed up before that became an awkward situation. Anyway, he told me that he realized he wasn’t being himself on the date, when all he could think about was the kiss, so he made a rule. He told himself that he wouldn’t even THINK about the kiss until date 3. He said on date one, you are just trying to really get to know the other person. Then if she says yes to date two, it either means she liked you on date one or just wasn’t sure. So date 2 is still not kiss worthy. Then he said, by date 3, she was either crazy or most likely it meant she liked him, so he would consider it then. As I was hearing his plan on kissing, I thought that was adorable. Mostly because deep down I wondered if the guys that I have already been out on dates with had been disappointed that there wasn’t a kiss. I wasn’t sure if guys thought, “Well I paid for her meal, the least she could do is give me a goodnight kiss.”

After dinner, I wasn’t ready for the date to end. So I looked at him and said, “Now what?” Of course, he turned that back on me. So after going back and forth again, I decided on a movie. I narrowed it down to two movies and I told him he MUST pick from there, no coin was going to help him out this time. He picked and we drove to the theatre.

As we walked up to pay for our tickets, I told him I would pay for the movie, since he paid for dinner. He laughed and just shook his head. So as we got further in line and he opened up his wallet, I told him that I was serious and I was just not offering to be nice. He told me I wasn’t going to pay and that was the end of that conversation. Well hello Mr. Decisive, I didn’t know you existed 🙂

I was enjoying the movie, but he was shifting a lot in his seat because of his leg. At one point, I leaned over and asked him how he was feeling and gave him a sympathetic look. He said he was fine, and I commented about how it was a long movie. He said, “I know, you are probably bored, we can go if you want.” I didn’t say it was a long movie because I was bored, I said it more to be sympathetic about him having to constantly shift his weight for his leg. I said that I was fine and that I didn’t want to leave. That is when I realized he was probably self-conscious about the fact that he had picked that movie and he felt responsible because it was his choice. I realized then that guys are probably more insecure about making date plans, than I thought. First dates are hard, because you barely know the person at all. I am sure that the guy wants to make sure the girl is having a great time and they probably put a lot of pressure on themselves in that area. That is probably why Racer Dude wanted me to decide everything. Guys want to know if the girl is having fun, while the girl just wants to know if the guy finds her pretty.

Sidenote: I have a friend who has realized how hard date planning can be. So much so, that he decided to become a bit of a dating consultant. He plans the dates for the guys. He offered to help my dates out, but I just haven’t known a good way to tell my dates to contact him. But if anyone is interested in having someone else plan your date, to take the pressure off a bit, even if you are already in a relationship or married, you should check him out. You can contact him by email at ben@onpurposeadventures.com.

So as we were walking out, he apologized for the movie and said he probably enjoyed it more than I did. I told him that I enjoyed it too, and that he had nothing to apologize for! We got in his car and he drove me back to where we started, Starbucks. I thanked him again for dinner, for the movie, and for being willing to drive so far to meet me. He asked me to text him when I got home, so he knew I got home safe. I told him I would and I walked to my car.

When I got home, I texted him that I had a great time and I thanked him for being a gentleman. He later texted me back and said he had a great time too and ended it with…yep…you guessed it, “Sweet dreams lil lady.”

18 dates and counting down. Until next weekend.